…..or perhaps just the long end of so many days not worth living. The pain always outweighss the little pleasures life has to offer, and i have reached my quota for rejection. I have a few methods at my disposal…..and i think i’ve always been a good multifunctioner, make sure this time. Notes all written,  maybe some finishing touches to one or two……..but i’m ready and feel more peaceful than i have in ages. I just wanted to thank those who have been friendly and tried to help. See you on the flip side, lol.

Ever since I was nine years old, I remember always thinking that my father was going to leave me. He always used to tell me that he was going to send me to live with my grandmother just to make me upset. He used to leave me alone in public, in the metro, in the mall, on the street.

My mother did that too. She used to leave me alone in the house for hours at a time when I was three. My neighbors had to call social services, and I was almost taken away. Sometimes I wish I was.

My father still does this to me, […]

“Why do you want to shut out of your life any uneasiness, any misery, any depression, since after all you don’t know what work these conditions are doing inside you? Why do you want to persecute yourself with the question of where all this is coming from and where it is going? Since you know, after all, that you are in the midst of transitions and you wished for nothing so much as to change. If there is anything unhealthy in your reactions, just bear in mind that sickness is the means by which an organism frees itself from what is alien; so one must […]

I’m just bitter and angry. You guys didn’t leave me. I shouldn’t have taken it out on you. I’m sorry.

So I am going to start this out from the other day Friday i think, so my mom and i were in lowes getting stuff that she wanted i guess. So were walking and she points to in front of her and goes “i bet you are in heaven”.. I am pretty sure you know what is in lowes.. So i look what shes pointing at and its blades and box cutters.. I laughed to make it not look like i didn’t have tears coming out of my eyes.. That was so messed up. Then this morning she looks at me when im cleaning my […]

I undergo extreme emotional and mental stress at home and I cannot release it without cutting myself. I NEED to cut myself to get a release and feel okay and probably even a little light headed. it’s the only way I can. I cannot talk back to the person causing me the stress and tell how I feel so I just listen quietly waiting for the ordeal to be over so I can be alone and start the cutting! it isn’t the healthiest way to cope but its the only one I have. and the more I realize that statement, the more I think of […]

……or at least be the last in a long line of those not worth living. The pain always outweighs the small pleasures life brings, and i have reached my quota for rejection. I have several methods, any of which will do…..but i beleive i will multitask and be sure this time. All my notes are  ready, maybe a few finishing touches. I am ready, not frightened and haven’t felt this peaceful in a long time. I wanted to thank those who have been kind to me here.

living with them is very depressing

Most people can’t imagine a life without god

Whats wrong if you accept the brutal fact and live. Instead of still believing in that messy myth created by dumb ancestors.

god,religion, philosophy are all rusty and end of life(EOL).

Technology is going to rule next 10 generations. Our generation is at early transformation stage- We must form a new set of rules for better human life on earth

I’m scared to live, so I wanna die. I’m scared to die, so I try to live. Stuck in the middle and the hollowness is too heavy. The logical thing would be to face the fear to live, before the fear to die. But I’m not logical and I want an easy answer, though I know there aren’t any.

I can’t help but feel guilty for even being here. I’ve always believed life is a gift and there’s nothing so bad that it can actually ruin your life; surely if you are so desperate you are contemplating taking your life then surely you are desperate enough to try anything else that might alleviate your pain- and, I so smugly thought, totally changing the life you couldn’t live with would, voila, take away the belief that you need to die.

I WAS SO WRONG.

I understand now. No matter what I do, if I moved a thousand miles away, if I threw myself into a new career, […]

…a temporary solution to a permanent problem.

I can’t separate the things i want, from the things i can’t stand, or handle, or accomplish.

Everything i do want, is attached to enough of something i don’t, to invalidate pursuit.

I can’t find anything that is both available to me, and also worth my efforts to gain it, which are inevitably and irrevocably connected to conditions and/or consequences i can’t, or won’t, endure.

I can’t find, even with all i know and the capacity of my mind to “imagine,” anything… that fills me with both belief and motivation to achieve, accomplish, or attain it… but that is also available, and […]

Endless hours of unbearable pain.
Unbearable pain that cannot be explained
Why do I have to feel this way?
Can’t this feeling of hopelessness just go away?
I am so tired, so fed up
Can’t I just die, get it over with?
I don’t want to try anymore
I can’t try anymore
I have nothing left inside of me.
I had enough
I had enough
Why do I have to feel like this?
I want to end my life
I just can’t take this anymore
Please just let me die
The world would be better of

i am not okay. im ending my life tonight i hate everything. goodbye

Hi.

I started writing down my feelings in  journal but I thought it would be nice to share with people finally.

I don’t know it all started but what I know is that I’m messed up. My family, my body, my mind, and my emotions. I’m not going to say I’m in this emotionless trance.

I still have friends but I hid my true feelings. It’s all starts with my family and how my mother is this fucked up parent. You can basically say I live by myself , but my dads the only one who supports me. He has to work all the time and my mom […]

Hey, hi, hello. This is my first time using this website. I’m really glad I found It. Well I’m Sam, short for Samantha.

I just got into an awful argument with a boyfriend that I love oh so much. He put me down. We both have gone through the same thing. He however, expects me to become as strong as he is. I’m not, and it’s hard. I’m really weak and a coward. I feel like if I died it would make him happy. I fee like it would make everyone happy. I don’t want to go on knowing one day he thought I was perfect […]

It has been a little over three years. I was in depression most of my life but thought that was how life was supposed to be. Until i met her. She was the light that pulled me out of the darkness, out of the lonliness. After dating for over a year i lost her. It has been 3 tears. I still dream about her. I still think about her constantly. I love her so much i cant look at other women. My family are just people i occasionally talk to. Love does not exsist in my life, or in my heart. I gave that to […]

While swindling down a bottle of Americana Black Cherry Soda, I had an idea. my squadron’s chaplain. I knew I could talk to him about my depression. He’s such a kind guy, and he was always very understanding. I’m doing it this Tuesday, let’s pray i don’t get sent to a mental hospital.  And if I do, I’ll see you all on her other side.

Be my friend
Hold me, wrap me up
Unfold me
I am small and needy
Warm me up
And breathe me

Breathe Me – Sia

That moment when you make a connection with a song….

Hi Guys,

This post is going to be bit short… Sorry about that… It’s a bit late here… About 10:30 here… Sorry about posting so late…

Anywho how are you guys?

How am I? Physically: Sore. Mentally: Let’s not even go into that….

My physical state… Soo I am bit tired… My trip was after school (around 2:30) the group I was with drove up to Menogyn (Took us about 6-7 hours? Maybe seven… Not sure… I think driving was 7… And then picking up everyone was about 1/2 hour… And eating dinner was 1/2 an hour…) Anywho so after that […]

I miss how I used to be.

I never really liked myself before, but at least I was happy. At least I didn’t feel empty inside. At least I felt like somebody important. I enjoyed hanging out with my friends and family. I even enjoyed having time to myself. I actually cared about how I spent my time. I didn’t dread every second of every day. I actually wanted to inspire and impress people with what I achieved in my life.

But now I just want to do nothing. I could careless about about anything.

I just want to give up….

I just wish my life would end. No […]