I’m not sure how long I’ve wanted to die, but I can’t think of a moment I wanted to live. My life is completely empty and I just want it to be over. There is no hope for change.

this is my first post 🙂

okay..

what is perfection? how can something be perfect.. without any flaws?

my life is perfect.. im just existing in it and i see it as perfect, i love everything, everyone, no one is mean, no one makes me feel bad, outside, my life is so so.. wonderful. i have good grades, i have people i can call friends, im free.

inside, i hate myself. I lie to myself and im stupid enough to believe the lies; im ugly, im unwanted, im alone, im not worth anything, im suicidal, im depressed, im bipolar, im already long gone…

so perfection, it is really something that […]

Perhaps such negativity, which can only be assumed in my title, isn’t exactly helping my case… but when have I ever been the psychologists’ definition of optimistic? When my counselor advised me to be positive every session I’d attend in the meager 10th grade? *scoff*

My University career continues tomorrow and I wonder, as I have been wondering for months, maybe even a year and a half ago when I’d been a mere freshman, why am I even bothering? Is it to pursue the occupation I love? An occupation of which is, by no means, safe or reliable. Stressful, even, granted I’m successful enough to […]

Tired of waiting for something I don’t know what it is.

Tired of all these stupid pleasures.

I’m fucking tired of feelings. I wish I could be someone who is always lovely. I wish I could be someone who can always hate. I wish I was a machine. Or a cockroach waiting to be killed.

I won’t go again to some fucking stupid doctor. I’m tired of them too. If it’s all about pills I can make a fake recipe and get some. That’s not the problem.

I don’t want to get NUMB. But everything seems like that. Just numbing and numbing again and again and again.

Wish I was […]

Leave me.

Leave me alone.

Leave me to the darkness.

Leave the monster in me kill me.

Leave me to drown in my own lake of blood.

Leave me to never start over again.

Leave me to scar forever.

Leave me to die here.

Leave me.

Deleting.
Deleting words.
Deleting feelings.
Deleting unwritten messages.
Deleting unsent messages.
Deleting.

Hiding.
Hiding feelings.
Hiding pain.
Hiding tears.
Hiding scars.
Hiding.

Hurting.
Hurting mind.
Hurting feelings.
Hurting scars.
Hurting everything.
Hurting.

Crying.
Crying out.
Crying now.
Crying today.
Crying tomorrow.
Crying.

Faking.
Faking happiness.
Faking smiles.
Faking being happy.
Faking love.
Faking.

Going.
Gong no where.
Going there.
Going into the darkness.
Going here.
Going.

Leaving.
Leaving her.
Leaving him.
Leaving them.
Leaving everyone.
Leaving.

I’m not here to complain, to whine, to say it’s not fair. Yeah it’s not fair but a lot of people in this world have it worse than me and it’s come to my attention that some of those people are on this website.
I used to feel horrible about myself. I still do a little bit, but I just stopped thinking about myself. I guess I’ve grown through the pain and I’ve learned through it. Yeah life has beaten me up a lot and it still continues to but that doesn’t mean I’m going to let it win. And neither should you guys.
People […]

It’s not that I hate my life. I just hate myself. I’m just starting to realize that now but I think it’s been going on longer than that. I just hate everything about me. I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror without wanting to strangle myself for being so disgusting, not only physically but also on the inside. I’m an awful human being and I don’t deserve to be here anymore. I think this now more than ever especially since I’m just coming to realize what a piece of shit I am. The thing that pisses me off if that I know […]

I went to the bridge again today. There were blockades and signs up instructing people to not venture up to it because of ice. At least I guess that’s what it said, because naturally I stopped reading as soon as I read the first word and proceeded to go up to the bridge anyways. Close a bridge? What? For my “safety”? o_O I go to this bridge an unhealthy amount of times every week and do the same thing every time. I figure I’ll jump off one of these nights.

This time was particularly nice because for the first hour I was there I was able […]

The title says it all. I fell for a guy… We had sex 3 times… And he just dumped me. He used me like a toy. That’s all I was to him… A toy. Do I have “USE ME” written on my face?

does anyone else feel alone or forgotten? or is it just me. cuz every time I need somebody, they always find a way to maneuver themselves out of my life.

Tomorrow

I absolutely dread tomorrow, because tomorrow I have school, I have to attend hell on earth. I have no idea why I hate school so very much, but hey don’t we all. I’ve never hated school so much, but this year I feel nauseous about even going. See the thing is I’m doing winter conditioning for crew, and it screws me up. Because if I go my grades tumble down, and if I don’t my mother makes me feel like a complete failure. What do you guys think I should do? Like I want to talk  to her but I have no […]

i keep looking at my old self harm pics and pictures on my tumblr keep popping up and my arms are burning. I really miss my arms being covered… the feeling of the scars that I could run my hands over. i felt like a tiger hahah a fucking tiger… but i made a promise to my mom and to myself i wouldnt but its hard. hahah hard isnt the right word its torture.

some times while yet again i am sat at home feeling low, and alone..It gets me thinking why am i still here, and what makes it worse is im going to be that great big 50 this year. like most people by now life should be fun, loving, have plenty of friends etc.. Being older is not ment that you are some how wiser. if that was the case i would not be on here writing this now.

its ment to be a time to look back and say what have i done with my life and what happens next. well ive done shit all. I’m […]

Don’t give up!!!!!

How will this little pain you feel compare to ETERNITY?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xawASIzzJRQ

Unreleased track of his. Probably his best. Elliott is basically the patron saint of sad sacks so I expect almost everyone here has already heard of him.

Ever since I was 4 or 5 years old I remember telling my dad I was going to kill myself.  Ive always suffered from depression and started suffering from severe social anxiety probably 7 years ago.  I’m now 23 years old. I’ve never been truly happy.  It’s not about the tangible possessions that I have/don’t have, nor is it about money.  I just hate who I am as a person, I have trouble with the most simple tasks. Recently I found my gf of 3 years was cheating on me with multiple different people.  she was the only thing that really made me somewhat content […]

I met the perfect guy.

He’s tall, handsome, and the prince I’ve been waiting for. It’s as if he stepped out of a fairytale, ready to whisk me away.

Kiss my scars, stroke my hair.

I’m too broken to care.

“Maybe if you find true love, you’ll be happy”

I’m not happy.

I DONT KNOW WHERE TO GO FROM HERE.

IT ALL USED TO BE SO CLEAR..

IM FINDING  I CANT DO THIS ON MY OWN.

AS LONG AS I KNOW THAT YOU ARE NEAR…

IM DONE FIGHTING THIS WORLD

.. IM FINALLY LETTING GO.

..I WILL TRUST IN YOU..

YOUVE NEVER FAILED ME  BEFORE….

.I WILL TRUST IN YOU…

IF THERES A  PATH I SHOULD WALK ….                                                       HELP ME FIND IT..

..IF I NEED TO BE STILL,

GIVE ME PEACE FOR THE MOMENT

BEFORE MY DEATH   ……

..AND MY RE BIRTH TO

MY REAL JOURNEY ..

..IN SRIRIT….

.FOR EVERY STEP YOU TAKE ..

YOU WERE NEVER ALONE…

.EVEN […]

Hey guys.. My name’s Dynna and I am a gamer girl ever since I’m 10.

My dad is fine with this fact and he understands me as my personality is very similar to his. He knows I’m crazy for drawing and playing video games and tried to give space for my activity as long as I helped with chores. My mother, however, does not. She doesn’t understand me. She always thought that a lady have to be proper lady. I hate expansive blouses. I hate dresses and I hate handbags. They’re a handful for me.

Today, I was playing a shooting game called Freefall Tournament with my […]