im lookin for long but the least amount of pain i want to do some things before im totally gone and say some goodbyes so any ideas?

I feel like I’m just wasting away and honestly there’s nothing in this world that’s keeping me here.

I’ve already told my-self that if my life actually goes wrong some how, I won’t hesitate to escape as quickly as possible (hopefully find a non-painful way). I’m turning 15 tomorrow, but when ever I think of my future it just feels like I don’t have any control over it. Even now, I do ok in school and my life is pretty average with good family and friends. But they don’t really know the real me, maybe I’m just lonely and want attention? But when I actually have […]

I’m so fucking tired of being alone. It seems this has been a recurring theme throughout my life and I’m just so done dealing with it. I’ve finally given up hope that I can be romantically intimate with a man, but I’ve always thought I at least deserved a good friend or two. Guess it’s not meant to be.

Cruel joke, life. Simply cruel.

And I don’t understand why this has been an issue for me. I know I’m not hideous, ugly, projecting neediness, unfriendly or a *****. I honestly do not get it. The only men who want to be involved with me either have girlfriends, […]

I might cut myself in an attempt again.

I can no longer control these thoughts.

It’s eating me away.

And I’m so lonely.

Nobody to talk to or hang out with, no one to hold.

I would be missed by a couple, but in an odd way.

So I guess I shouldn’t feel too bad. My family could care less.

They approved of the thought years ago, before and after my first attempt. Who else is there, if not even my own flesh and blood cares.

My sister. Is a piece of shit. She has tried to ruin my relationship with the one person who has ever loved me for too long.

I despise […]

Well since I’m new here, I think it would be best to share some of my addictions. I have a few, as I assume you all do as well.

1. Self Harm (Cutting)

This act was one of the first things I did to harm my body. To be honest, this method didn’t soothe me. For some people, it allowed them to channel their pain, but for me, I feel like it just causes more pain on my part. I used to self harm a lot in middle school, so I thought I could try it again to see what would happen.I did, and […]

Beyond the abyssal vile pits of filth there is a only a small flame

Producing a light source in the blackness of obsidian cold and barren

It cast shadows so the darkness is never truly gone

We can see the light for miles wanting desperately to be where bright light and radiance shines

The shadows that are from the light harness the full power of the pitch black night

There is no where to go to avoid it the shadows engulf your very essence

They are most noticeable in the night, yet they hide in corners and under objects never leaving

Day in hiding, night they have come out to play, but […]

I found this website trough a story that was posted about overdose. I was searching up the proper way to overdose on muscle relaxants. So after finding this website, I have  made an account. I feel as though I could relate to other people who are going through the same things, while remaining anonymous. I will be posting things like my addictions and my issues in hope that someone would benefit from my mistakes. But I would just like to say hello to everyone, I guess.

I come to this website often with so many thoughts weighing heavy on my chest, but when I open a new post, I don’t know how to put my thoughts into words. I feel like my entire being is an empty void. There is no difference between yesterday and today, not for me. In my life, there is no hope in the beginning of a new year, only dread. As I was moving away for college, my best friend must have decided that I wasn’t good enough anymore. The last few weeks before I left I wanted to have a small get together with the […]

I think everyone can relate to those moments in life where you feel invincible. You are just so happy that it’s like nothing can hurt you and for that moment you forget about all the pain and all the bad that surrounds you. But just as you are in that high life strikes back bringing you back down to where you started. That’s why so many people refuse to be happy because something usually goes wrong that risk of being knocked back down is always in the back of their mind. Happiness is one of those things that can either have a permanent effect or […]

“Happy New Year. Darvon Cocktails all around.”

The first words I heard this year.

its 2014 I’m almost 28 and i’m just unhappy with the outcome of life in general. i actually went out to party and drank with the guys at work, and i forgot about my overall self and just had a good time. Everyone around me was in there mid 20’s to 23’s i felt really old out of place, but i didn’t care. i just hoped no one judged me for being to old. when its all over and done with they’re still teenagers and i’m a middle aged man. where the hell is my life going, why am i partying with people younger then […]

I feel very alone. I used to have a bunch of friends I could speak too, but lately i’ve pushed everyone away. I’ve found myself miserable and feeling unworthy of everything. I see my grades and think I deserve it, I smoke and think this is all I have, I see myself and I hate it. I hate my nose, I hate my flaws. I even hate my teeth. School is so hard for me, it makes my creativity levels low and makes me stressed and angry and causes me to hate myself constantly. I don’t want to be the same as everyone else though, […]

I found out something. And I’m so scared of how it will affect me when I’m sober. I’m so scared to feel that way, and I know that once I’m sober the full weight of it is going to hit me. I’m terrified, I don’t know how to make the pain stop, and its only just begun. How do people do it? How do they just move on? I can’t and I’m so scared of myself. Because how will I handle this? The answer- I can’t. I won’t. I’m so terrified.

I wish I had something to say about this new year, but I don’t. Is there really much different now than there was yesterday? A new year is not starting over, it doesn’t erase the past or change who you are. What’s all the hype with waiting for the ball to drop and kissing someone at midnight? I’ve never had a New Years kiss, nor did I even watch the clock change to 12. I spent it drinking away how fucked up everything is, and then laying in bed the entire night with my mind racing while the rest of the world partied or slept. […]

today i had a brief talk with my father. he asked me why i’m ruining my life and i told him my ways and destination are different from society’s. he gave me proud history of our family and challenged me to amount to something and keep it maintained. i told him my goals may not be appreciated by society, and he said ‘it doesn’t matter. if you’re going your own way then succeed in it. become Buddha’. it was almost mocking. if i choose my own path, then i HAVE TO succeed in it, otherwise i’m failure. if i submit to their, then any average […]

I have been reading here for awhile but never made the effort to share. Depression has such a hold over my life and has for as long as I can remember………I often find telling my story yet again is just exhausting.  Every time I got a new counselor we would start from square one.

I am now 40 years with 4 suicide attempts under my belt. The first one dating back to my pre-teens and most recent was just this summer. People say hang on it gets better but for me it is pretty much a constant.

I have periods where I can function relatively normally (but […]

I’m not entirely sure why I’m bothering to do this but I reckon I owe the tiny bit of the world I know an explanation. By the time anyone notices I’m gone (and I hope it takes a reaaally long time.) and reads this, I’ll be swimming with the fishes or gracing a page of the rag as one unidentified female whose tobacco tainted blood has slowly coagulated on the sidewalk. Somehow, I’ve always known this day would come. Perhaps even before I was fully aware of the concept of death, I’ve always had this feeling that I’m not like other people, that I was […]

Happy New Year to everyone!! 😉 🙂 you all are beautiful! Love you! :*

to keep me stop thinking about the truth

If some one asks me before birth “this is how a human life looks like and do you really want one?”

I say no.

Are my parents felons?  for not consulting me to have a human life or not?

If an action of a human being hurting another human being, it is human rights issue.

why can’t  this be a human right violation?