So, as another new year is upon us, only mere hours away. I found myself once again alone,more so alone than ever before. At least before there were people around to pretend to be close to. To fake the whole human thing with, But today i find myself drinking alone. Washing away all the pains, fears and regrets of the glorious year before.
As it so happens the world didnt end in 2012 (a fact i hope you are all aware of by now, if not…) and sometimes i question wether it would have been better or not. In the end i conclude that it […]
I don’t believe in god or an afterlife. makes me regret all the things i haven’t done yet in life. The finality of it all. Unfortunately the list of problems that require a permanent solution stack up faster and faster. Makes me realize I can’t check out till i put some shit in order first. Well I at least have to try and slow down this crash. The holidays just make it worse. Watching my family this Christmas was like watching an ant hill before you stomp on it. They have no idea…They go about their lives oblivious and “uncaring” Â well more like hopefully bullshitting […]
I have driven 7 hours so I would not be alone for New Years. I knew how painful it would be to see the person I came to visit. I never imagined just how painful it would be. I got here a couple days ago and outside a few naps here and there, I haven’t slept. I keep asking why I even bothered visiting in the first place. I was invited. She begged me to visit. After a while of her incessant pleading, my depressive self finally gave in. I am madly in love with this woman. I am in her house along with her […]
I’m fucking done.
She destroyed me, wrecked me, broke me.
The day she killed herself, all of her fucking craziness was handed down to me. I’m the only one out of my siblings that has inherited her crazy fucking genes. It’s too fucking much. Bipolar, ocd, tourettes, depression, anxiety, what fucking else is going to be thrown at me? I’m so tired. I haven’t slept properly in over two years. I can’t turn off the fucking lights because I keep thinking of her hanging.
My dad’s no help. He’s openly said to me that he ignores what I’m feeling, and doesn’t give me emotional support in the hopes […]
hey.. so. i just wondering how many people have dead from this site? i read their posts from 2012 so just thought that how many people are still survive and keep living in this world? Are you listening?
You say you want me to stay on this planet, you tell me you care. But you never come to see me.
I once asked for help in my most darkest time and you told me to learn to be strong on my own.
I am strong on my own, I have made it this far, you know my past.
I made the mistake of trusting you, thinking we had so much in common, relaxing and letting you know more about me, slowly taking down the walls I built to keep everyone out. The walls I built to make myself strong.
Again I started to […]
Thanks 4 the welcome-was intrigued and saddened by some of your stories-I wanted to especially thank you all for your openness-nothing like Xmas & the New Year to bring up the same old same old same old——what the hell is the point of me staying 1 more minute on this benighted planet???? a burden to the Health/mental health/& social welfare systems – I am lucky enough to live in a country that provides that for useless people like me. the last month has been almost totally unbearable. I totally understand what everyone says here- & its so nice to be able to say that here […]
New years eve. I am here alone and invisible. Not for long
Just … bla
I can fit my entire life into this tune. No reason at all the new year will be any different.
I’ve been crying for the past two hours. Why can’t I stop crying? 🙁 I want to just stop it all. I feel so depressed over drug abuse from my dad. Earlier my dad was high on drugs and he threatened to throw my eleven year old brother out on the streets. Later, I shouted at my dad because he said he was going to throw me out too. I shouted at him, telling him he was nuts. Dad said he’d rather be homeless than live with me and my brother. Now I’m scared. I’m seriously thinking about telling the fucking police because I can’t deal […]
I personally am not Religious & I am currently writing a piece on my beliefs of the Religious system… which I will be posting in the following week or so. Curious to see the views of others, please share. 🙂
A cool song I love by the Buffalo Springfield :
Broken Arrow
Enjoy fellows! 🙂
I am writing to seek help committing suicide.
I have a very black-and-white personality. Either all or nothing.
Either good or bad. Either something is or it is not. There is no
middle ground. By itself this is not such a bad thing, but I also have
had on-off depression since 2nd grade (I’m now in 9th) which has been
constant in the past few weeks. I see everything as pathetic and
everyone as awful. If it is fair to say that for most, good and bad is
like a scale, hoping the good outweighs the bad, for me it is like a
drop of […]
I told you what was happening you shamed me.
How could i tell you it still happens?
I saw you give up on other when they couldn’t just stop.
I can’t stand the idea of you giving up on me because i can’t.
Everytime i tell you i can hear the letdown in your voice.
It makes me want to do it again.
How can you be so blind the proof is there, i need your help!
But i am scared to ask, to scared to ask.
The cutting. It all started when I was 13. My adopted dad had just got divorced with his 3rd wife..he always blamed me for his mistakes..for all his divorces..I couldn’t take the stress anymore. I decided that I had to much stress on my shoulders already, I had to do something about it..anything for me to not feel like crap. I had a guy ‘friend’ that kept asking for sex..we started texting..and one thing led to another..we decided to go to a party. I told him to pick me up at 12 at the end of our road.-long story made short- we went to the […]
Alone I sit. I watch my family eat and laugh. I listen and partake as best I can. Alcohol is starting not to balance me anymore. I want to scream out and flip things over. I want to use my rage and sadness to express my anguish. Yet, I sit here with a stupid smirk on my face. I only get joy from watching my nieces open their presents. I could care less about any of this bullshit. My birthday was the 19th and, God willing, will be my last. I can’t even drink enough to even muster the strength to put the gun to my head […]
so I started cutting about.. maybe six months ago. I have only managed to go so deep because if my parent find out then off goes my head.. I actually started when my parents divorced about a year and a half ago but it really wasn’t that bad because all they did was split up and didn’t talk. but now dealing with school and which parent gets to keep who, they have put me and my little brother in the middle of it. mostly me though because I am the older one. so that’s how I started cutting, by all the stress and anger they […]
I’ve gone over this in my head every day. Every minute. Every second. he finally told me to leave him alone. He was so serious. I asked him ill leave forever. I didn’t blink. I didn’t do anything. I waited for him to say something . He told me things that hurt me so much I can’t breathe. i wanna give him what he wants. I wanna leave everyone. I want to be free of the pain and suffering.