that night I just got home from my friends and my brother raped and beat me.

Today I’ve come to the irrevocable decision. I’m going to go out my way.

I haven’t fired my pistol in 15 years and I’ve cleaned it, oiled it and gotten fresh ammo – nice heavy ugly looking jacketed hollowpoint bullets. I want to test it first to be certain its still in good operating condition. I can’t get to the range before the 27th and probably not until the 30th. If it functions okay I need to strip it down and clean and oil it well again. I plan to jump from a bridge (not the Golden Gate) and shoot myself in the head as I […]

Another perverts gotten me mad

this will be my final post on here,

yesterdah at 11:32 pm my mother passed away.
she didnt care for me but still.

ive decided my demise,
im going to hang myself its the easiest way.

ive written my offical will and note.

i love my little sisters and I hope they wil stay strong without me andunderstand why.

bye.

If birth day of son of god is Dec 25, what will be birth date of god ?

If a person from 10000th year reading about people in 2013, do we all sounds like foolish because we believe in something called god ?

A human must live like Christ, so that his birthday celebrated world wide.

It is more logical to

” Write something or Innovate something or Create something  such that your efforts given a thought when people of

10, 000th year reading about us”  instead of suicidal.

You try and you try to be strong,

You try to right the wrong.

You try and you try to be known,

You try to have your popularity grown.

You try and you try to be someone you’re not,

You try to never be the one they forgot.

You try and you try to be fake,

you try not to care what’s at stake.

You try and you try to lose your voice,

You try to make the wrong choice.

I wish you’d try and you’d try to be free,

I wish you’d try to be happy.

I feel damaged beyond repair.  Every minute of every day is filled with emotional pain.  I want to die so badly.  I don’t understand why people who love life, who are happy and have people who actually love them are taken away everyday.  But someone like me who actually welcomes death continues to wake up day after day.  It’s like the universe is incredibly twisted.  It inflicts life on those of us who no longer want it, and inflicts death on those who want nothing more than to live.  I want to disappear.  I am 38 years old, and I’ve felt like this for years. […]

It may be the day before christmas. when everything is happy and stuff. but in reality. it just brings back too many bad memories and i dont think that i can even deal with it. it was 3 years ago today that my mom stabbed me when i told her i thought i was gay. she’s not christian by no means. and i dont even think she has a problem with gay people. i think it was just me. i  always got the feeling that she didnt like me. if only she knew what its like to feel the way i felt. i havent lived […]

sometimes i feel like ripping out my brain. or wrenching out my stomach. pulling my fingernails out. twisting off my arm. biting my tongue off. crushing my eyes. collapsing my heart…

I can see through their mind, that’s the problem. I can see the intentions behind their words, the one-sidedness, the un- understandability, the hypocrisy, the wrongness, the ugliness, the will to power. Just by seeing it gets transferred into me; and i feel disgusted, i cannot bear it. There seems to be a psychologist sitting in me who wants to know everything, but doesn’t know how to bear that knowldege. I don’t feel like replying or take an action based on, or even against, such wrong intentions. I feel like i’m better inactive than act wrongly. And the biggest problem is i cannot compromise […]

Im so close to just ending my life.. i cant stand it anymore. im always so sad. and i dont want to be. i wish i didnt have depression. i wish my life was perfect i wish i wasnt so fat.. why cant i be perfect? i dont understand. if there was a god then why is he letting me suffer like this? im so young and yet i want to die at a young age.

i just want the pain and suffering to end.

I dont understand whats wrong with me… one moment I’m happy and then the next moment I’m crying for no reason. I feel broken, alone, and torn apart. and I just don’t know why..

I am in a low, angry, sad place today, and I would really appreciate someone listening. I also need to rant.

I have made some very poor choices over the years, mainly in the department of friendship. (By the way, I’m referring to friends local to me in Columbus, not you folks.) I have one friend in particular who I have stood by for 20 years no matter what. I was in the room with her when her mother died. I came to her bedbug infested home to help her with her taxes because she could not do them. I have spent hours on the phone […]

after my father found out about me using this site for hellp i was yelled at and the beaten with computer
im done with him
im done with everyone
so i going to commit on the 25th in either of these wats

Im going to go to my brothers apartment buildin and jump.
or
just stab myself til i die
or
drive my fathers moped in to the lake
bye guys

I need to kill myself ASAP. I don’t know if I should do it tonight, tomorrow morning at 5 am or sometime after Christmas like on the 26th or something. We are having guest come tonight so I was thinking if I died, they could distract my mom for being upset (or I could ruin Christmas). All I know is I can’t wait because I want my friends to have as much time as possible to recover before the new semester starts and I never intended on celebrating Christmas. My carbon monoxide machine isn’t 100% complete yet and I haven’t done any test runs (not […]

Now, keeping in mind that I’m on a website called “the suicide project”, I’m assuming you all know what it’s like to be depressed, to feel so much inside and to just want to let it all out on somebody, to tell them how you feel, what it’s like to be you. Now, I’m hoping not to sound condescending here, but maybe some of you can talk to your parents, a sibling, a friend, or a therapist. Point is, you might have somebody to talk to. And a lot of you, like me, are on here for a certain reason-you don’t have anyone to talk […]

Choice 1 – I want to jump and shoot myself as I leap so I’m certain of death and I’d picked out what seemed like a great spot 8 hours away from me in a different state but I’ve never been there and with the weather and holiday traffic I don’t know that I want to make the drive. I can jump locally but it’ll be a much shorter height and I need to literally shoot as I’m leaning over the rail in such a way that I’ll still go over after I’ve splattered my brains with a bullet. I’m planning on scouting local sites […]

Sometimes love just isn’t enough (I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me then – I get it now) He’s now happily ensconced in a second relationship which developed during the last of 3 years he SO WANTED to make things work between us..
I almost loved you (first person I let into my heart AFTER). He’s now engaged to be married to someone else.
I tried to love you (second person I allowed access to my heart AFTER). He’s now engaged to be married to someone else.

The common denominator is ME. Not sexy enough, religious enough, of child […]

*edit* As of yesterday, I learned something that puts all of this in a much clearer light for me now: I have been the child of a Narcissistic Mother and Enabling Father. I knew something was terribly wrong all my life but only since I learned of the precise traits a mother with these tendencies exhibits yesterday did everything begin to click. Being raised this way wrought damage that I’ve only recently begun to understand the full scale of. The worst part is that because I wasn’t aware enough to protect myself, I am currently stuck in a situation in which I have to deal […]