I wish I could get high, find some sort of pleasure besides cigarrettes and masturbation

ALthough i may be in the army, my suicidal thoughts remain somewhere in my head, they resurface occassionally.

School is great, we’re getting copious amounts of notes and are practically halfway through the course and yet i feel no smarter on the aspects of mechanic work. It seems all we need to troubleshoot is a computer, tech manuals and a tool kit and suddenly we’re professional mechanics. I should have chosen a more advanced occupation., I dont even like cars enough to pay attention to the minute details of an engine. Who cares […]

i cannot sleep, again, it has been about two weeks, the voices will not let me be. the feeling is just so overwhelming. i am trying to listen to his music. i want to get into his head. i want to feel what he feels when he listens to this. but then again maybe i shouldn’t. i do not deserve him. he deserves better. a lot better than me. i am not good for him. i wish these feeling would leave me alone. i hate being weak. i hate being alone with these thoughts. in the moments i feel most alive, they bring me lower […]

I need some help figuring out how to ease my pain I’ve literally have been laying in bed in agony with shooting pains down my right arm and right shoulder blade it’s gotten to the point where it’s so stiff it’s hard to move. I do not have a choice of going to the doctors, so I’m wondering if anyone has dealt with it because I took a few Motrin and naproxen and they aren’t helping AT ALL

I suppose this becomes my home again, for the next little while. The one place I will just keep returning to, until my life is finally ended. The only real place for me. I just keep getting my heart destroyed. This time is different, though. I mean, I don’t fall for just any person, but when I do fall for someone, I fall so fast and so hard. I just don’t know what to do without him. I am not even sure what I am anymore. I was once bisexual. Technically, I still am. Could totally copulate with either gender, but I do have to […]

Been at this for close to 20 years it will be that on my 40th in March. Soooo weak. I’ve tried everything, including antifreeze:-. I feel so pathetic. Like a character they mock in Seinfeld. I cannot even kill myself!!! Helppppppppp

Any one here!! Who knows Arthur Schopenhauer

Parents often report statistically significantly lower levels of happiness, life satisfaction, marital satisfaction, and mental well-being compared with non-parents

Does parents feel they are the reason behind every kid suffering on this planet? If they din’t give birth there won’t be all this mess

isn’t it a cycle, parents suffer because of kids, kids suffer because parents gave em birth?

How to break?

Seria mais conveniente que eu postasse isso em inglês, já fiz postagens em inglês antes mas acho dessa vez é melhor eu utilizar o idioma na qual possuo maior domínio, o português.

Basta um acontecimento ruim pra fazê-lo mudar de ideia.Apenas uma gota pra fazer a taça virar.Nessa fase sua cabeça está “cheia”.Você se sente cansado,triste,desanimado,é a fase em que você quer ficar sozinho,quer largar os compromissos,você sente a vontade de “apertar o botão do ****-se!”.Torna-se tomado por irresistível ociosidade.Aí ocorre a transição do pensamento de considerar suicídio,para planejar suicídio.
Nesta fase você já está deprimido há muito tempo.E a depressão vai puxando seu […]

I can almost never yield an authentic and sincere response to my external stimuli when it involves people.  It’s because, even when I was little, I realized that the reason people engage others socially is for personal fulfillment and enjoyment, which is contingent upon the reactions or responses of the people they’re interacting with.  A lot of kids my age had no clue of this social construct and therefore were able to remain blissfully ignorant, allowing them the capacity to make authentic responses without the pressure or burden of knowledge.  I, however, always knew how people wanted me to react.  As a result, I was […]

In a perfect world, I would no longer be here.
There is no purpose.
There is no reason….
and every breath is just to pass time.
and smiles are actually tears….

Would it really be suicide if I never existed?
Every night, I sit on the ledge of the rooftop
and I look below at the 10 storeys between me and paradise.
a trip down to heaven.

From up there even though the stars are shining I cannot see them.
I just want to disappear.
I’m tired of living.
Save me…because I’m not going to save myself.

Do you wanna know her?
Do you wanna try?
Her life’s a little complicated
Let me tell you why,
She feels unloved unwanted
She cries 6 times a day
Her heart is nearly broken
She’s in a lot of pain
She cuts herself to feel
That’s how she plays her games
She smiles at the blade
Like blood is summer rain

Do you still wanna know her?
Do you still wanna try?
Her life’s still a little complicated
Let me tell you why,
Besides her scars from cutting
She’s got bruises everywhere
Her Father tends to hit her
And doesn’t even care
Her mom’s an alcoholic

i watched my brother hang by a rope. his feet just a foot of the ground. my best friend was dead. the one that meant and means the world to me left me with a snap of a fingure. i watched his face. i watched him sway back and fourth.. i saw my world crash down infront of me… no more goofy laugh.. no more beautiful smile… no more memories made… just pain. just a heart crying out of help while everyone ignores your exsistant… watch my dad hold that gun to his head trying to leave right beside him… i took a knief slit […]

It has been over a month since I tried to kill myself by drinking a bunch of meds and jumping from my kitchen window (30 feet fall), it sucks I couldn’t die. By that time I was suffering from depression caused by a med I used to take… Nowadays I take this anti depressive. So now I just I wanna die because I’m gay, I hate this so much.,. I’ve been trying for the past 4 years to accept it and get over this suicide idea, but I just can’t. Now I’m looking for a way to kill myself, if I had a gun it […]

Hello.

I will be around for the next hour if anyone wants to talk. I don’t mind what it is, I just want to listen and advise. No judgement.

<3

I will refresh page every 5 mins.

I don’t have any magic solution or words of wisdom to save anyone.
All I know is I wanted to die. And now I want to live. It is possible. please don’t forget that.

SA

I just want someone to tell me that it will be okay and mean it 🙁

all i want in life.. is to be successful, marry someone i really love, make them really happy..

and just be good at what i do.. such a struggle right now.. im alone at home 90 percent of the time trying to finish school at 30.. it’s hard man.. everyone looks down on you.. my brother goes to work every morning and i see him every morning.. my whole family knows im at home alone.. im broke most of the time.. its so hard sometimes.. but hey pray to god itll all be fking awesome in the future..

i just really wanna make good of myself and […]

Okay i’m being completely honest here, no sugar coating anything alright. I have just come across as a huge disappointment in my entire family and every time i try to regain any self confidence it just plummets back down. I’m tired of everything and i’m not scared of the future anymore because i’ve decided that i will not have a bright and wonderful future anymore because i’m done. I may not live past 20 and I guess somethings happen for a reason and my reason is that i’m useless and i no longer have any significance to anyone. Not my family or my so called […]

i just want to be someones special person, i just want to be irreplacable to somebody. I want to be with someone who i would know that if i were gone i would b missed and that there life would never be the same without me, someone who at every waking moment i could tell myself that my life means the world to them I wish i was special

Does anybody else here have a form of ocd? (Diagnosed, not self-diagnosed).

I’ve been dealing with ocd for the last two years… It just keeps getting worse no matter what I do. It’s crippling me, at this point. I clean obsessively, I count obsessively, I obsess over completion and repetition, I have countless intrusive thoughts. Pretty much everything I do is obsessive, I can’t escape from it. Three months ago, I thought maybe if I started going to the gym, it’d help ease my anxiety. Nope, that turned in to an obsession too. Now I count calories and when I’m at the gym, I absolutely have to […]

Her name is Bri… Tonight, she made it perfectly clear that she would never leave her boyfriend for me.. Even though we have gotten so close..

He broke her heart and I took care of her.. but she still went back to him.. It hurts so much.. I’d do anything for her.. I’m so lost.. I wish I could just end it all.. I waited so long for her.. Nothing ever goes my way.. My life is agony..

So many things run through my head… The father who moved away, the mother who was never really a mother, the sister who I lost as a best friend to some loser boyfriend, the ex I want back, the stress of school, being broke, my battles with my illnesses… And there seems like there is no light at the end of the tunnel anymore. Every time I think I see it it just disappears…

Today:

I ate too much… Way more than usual. The usual being nothing or something very small when people are around to avoid questioning. I am home alone for the most part so […]