In April, my fiance was diagonosed with HIV
Since then, I’ve watched him deteriorate…… fast. We’ve broken up a few times because a times, the stress got way too much for both of us.
In August, he was admitted to the hospital for an infection in his bowels and stomach. It then spread to his lungs and kidneys.
In October, he was transferred to a hospital 2 hours away. I don’t drive and have no income so I’ve seen him twice in that time. And of course it makes me feel like absolute shit.
2 weeks ago, he flat lined after a blood transfusion that […]
its painful after you cut, it hurts painfully. i wanted to stop my sister from hurting me but if i even stand up for myself she will cut into me so much deeper then she would and then i wont stand a chance if i get cut deeper, i want to stay alive because i have a boiyfriend and friends but im terrifried of fighting for it because she will tell my dad and then i will get beaten again i hate life but i have so much to live for .
What if you can’t make a relationship to save your life unless they are paid to do so. Do you really have to be depressed, is that really the only reason why people contemplate suicide? What if not a single relationship, and there are few, even a friendship, and there are few, you were responsible for destroying. What if in every attempt one tries to create a relationship at the most simplest level you mess things up, and not purposefully, in the end, people simple do not like being around you. And after many many years, alone and still dreaming, the only relationship is paid […]
One last chance to say goodbye
One last chance to slice the knife
Once last chance is all I need
To show myself what I mean to thee
One drop of dew doth fall on my head
As I lay on the ground, withered and dead
The simple things that mattered the most
Do not matter now.
Oh how quickly life fades away
In the blink of an eye the night evades the day
The simple things that we held so dear
No longer there.
Here I lay underground
The earth on top and all around
My mind still spinning even after ive gone
Of all the things that I did wrong.
Once last chance to say goodbye
Before I go and […]
So many people here are depressed, they don’t feel, or feel nothing but pain. But it gets better.
I have never been depressed, but all my life I have been around the clinically depressed. This has been, well, depressing, but it has also taught me something
Being depressed isn’t a choice, but getting better is. Just hold on
Many here wish for death, but there is a whole world out there waiting.
Get help.
So many here are young. Talk to your […]
Why is this so alluring?
The sting of a blades sharp edge?
Aren’t most people afraid of the pain
The cut sends to their head?
Why am I so different?
why can’t I stay away?
Why is it that I find my self slipping
The blade cross my arm everyday?
Is it because I’m broken and that I need to be repaired?
Is it because I’m lost, alone, depressed and scared?
Is it because the chemicals in my head aren’t set
Or because my life has sucked downright
Or maybe because I’ve seen no light for many years all passed?
Regardless, I slide this blade […]
How to delete this account?
Off the topics of depression, and suicide, and all these other things, I have a question. I’m rather new here, and it seems to say some of my comments are in moderation for a very long time, often longer than most other “pending comments”. And I was just curious as to why that was, and who moderates comments on here.
Thanks, bye.
“Psychologically, it becomes painful to witness someone losing interest in you, knowing that there’s nothing you can do to change it.”
~Unknown
No one loves me and i cant do anything right. i am a failure at life and i should just give up. My life should be over and there is no reason that I should continue it. I should just end it now and save everyone the trouble of ever knowing me. I am detrimental to everyone I meet.
I am a breeder of chaos and an advocate of pain. I am the fury that drives the night. I am a bringer of darkness. I am a spawn of satan. You should kill me now while you have the chance. I am a devil on the […]
well, im outta here! idk wen ill be back, but i hope to talk to u soon and cant wait to see all of ur guys accomplishments
I found this site awhile ago when I was having a really bad time. ive always wanted to post something but its nerve wracking. i dont feel like i deserve being happy. even typing these words i feel ashamed because ive seen so many people have things worse than i do. i go to a university and am studying well. not the best grades but not the worst. i just feel like nothing matters. i have these opportunities but i just feel stupid and alone. i had a really bad time earlier in my life and thought about ending things. i cut myself and still […]
whre is she?! i dont exactly remember her user, but seh has been MIA for about three or four days. oim getting concerned… please help me find her… N O O M… id appreciate u going out to Deutschland and seeing her for a bit?? u r the closest person i know…
anybody around my area?? i really need a friend right now… it would be lovely to see a face that has the same turmoils as me…. the same thoughts? or even the same ideas? anything will do… i just need u, and u need me..
Today I was at the doctor betting blood drawn for testing. I had to roll up my sleeves. It showed all of my cuts. My mother won’t stop staring at me. I though it would open up room for converation so I could tell her how i feel. But she doesnt get it. My new household nockname is freak.
hello. im back. ive been gone for over two years, i thought my life was going great! i wasa loved and loving, hoped for and hoping, cared about and caring… i am 18 now. im not the same scared little girl i thought i was before. im a confident young woman… or, thats wat the world thinks… thats wat everybody thinks, i mean… thats the point, right? i guess u could say that i am on the right track? i have a good job, i have all the right connections, i have all the correct scores when it comes to the life test. i have […]
As easy as it was for you to call me those names is as easy as the tears came. He and I are the fat ones of the family. Only when your stuff are missing then there is a big meeting. No one else is important. In a doublestandard household it is hard for me to find peace. Is is that gender has anything to do with a crime commited, the crime stays the same even if the criminal is a woman/man. The funny thing is I didn’t even eat your the pancakes and eggs. I hate standing there in a line like i’m about […]
Today marks the third week at my new school. Having moved around my entire childhood and going to three different states and countless different schools, I don’t have many people to talk to. Even my parents are too busy for me. When will I make friends and build a stable foundation for my life? Will I ever crawl out of the rubble?
Today was hard. I had to face some old ghosts and demons from my past that have always left me trembling and screaming. I couldn’t help but wonder why I try. I try… because it’s expected of me. I do what I’m expected too. I’m a good girl. Today was hard. Much, much harder than it should have been. Why does giving up seem so easy, so doable, and continuing on is so very, very hard? Shouldn’t life be the opposite of that scenario? I know, at times, it is good to struggle, to build character and all that hog wash crap; but when my […]
It’s funny how one can unconsciously search for like minded people, with pit having a clear concept of who there self is to began with.
I’m a panromantic homosexual, and my girlfriend knows I’ve suffered with self harm. She knows I still do and that it’s hard breaking the habit, and she’s there when I need to talk. Tonight I told her if I had never met her I would have left and that I probably still wouldn’t be alive today. We have a long distance relationship, and I can’t see her all the time, so I feel alone. Tonight though, we were on videochat and I told her about all of it. Her first words were ‘Oh my God’, and then she started crying. She talked to me, and […]