One shot, that is all I needed when I bought this gun. This time it was real. I didn’t think about taking it too far. This was for me, to end my pain and misery. It was 1996, the year that I hit rock bottom and there was no drugs or alcohol involved. It was severe depression. It was that year as it’s said “the love of my life†and I broke up. But the worst was yet to come. My Grandfather was dying. A man who showed me things in life that never would have been possible for me to learn since my father […]
According to my family, having suicidal thoughts doesn’t count, and it’s a big cry for attention, and I have ABSOLUTELY no reason to want to die. Hm, I guess having a dead father, and an abandoned mom doesn’t count.
At 4 am she lays in bed,
Listening to her favourite band,
Thinking of all the things she’s done wrong.
At 4 am she thinks of all those who left,
She blames herself for them leaving.
Suddenly she starts crying,
She finally let’s it all out.
She’s not as strong as she once was.
So, my own mother called me an ugly, useless ***** today.
Wow, thanks mum!
Because you obviously don’t seem to know I already know that.
I’ve actually never felt so fucking low in my whole life. Never felt so fucking worthless. I’m stupid and ugly and shit. I’m never ever going to amount to anything. Which means my only options are stay stuck in this shithole for the rest of my life. Or just end it all. And let me be honest, the latter just sounds far more tempting.
I have nothing going for me, nothing. Everyone else around me are just such wonderfully smart and beautiful, with amazing talents and ambitions. Then there’s just me, struggling to make it from one end of the day to the other. Stuck […]
I know I’ve just posted this, but….. I like mingling :/
I’m a 21 year year old guy from the UK. I battle anxiety, depression, and constant suicidal thoughts. I don’t often open up straight away, but I’m sure if you do and are interested I will. I like when others open up to me. It saddens me to know so many suffer. I would say I can be nice and fun to talk too. I can be immature. And I’m really sarcastic, though I try to make it obvious when I am. I like a variety of songs, but I enjoy alternative/indie/rock songs more so. […]
After the anniversary I stayed busy, so I wouldn’t think but lately things have slowed down a little. I haven’t been on in a while and I feel this depression creeping up on me again. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore.
Here’s a picture of Dobby just because.
If I went to live somewhere away from the world because I made myself so hideous, how will I pass the time? How can I make myself feel like I’m not missing out on something. Isn’t it better to be dead than to feel like you’re missing out on life every single day for like 50 years?
“OMG you’re sisters? You look nothing alike! She’s so skinny and pretty!â€
No one really realizes what they are saying before they say it and it’s usually followed by “I mean, you’re skinny, too, but just average. She’s soo skinny!â€
I smile and nod, “oh I know, she is very skinny!†like it has no effect on me, but each time it kills me a little more. Each time I cut a few more calories and I promise to be smaller than her. I was, once. Then everyone convinced me I was sick so i fought to get better. I used to wonder all the time, […]
I hate being human. its the moment to moment thing that disgusts me most. i can live my life like an idea, with an idea, i can live like the way i want to, but… that would be a lie. i know it too well. at that very moment i know who i am – a human. i know all my hollowness. its just a chaos, there is no order, no system, no continuity.
its disgusting, so much disgusting. i spit. i spit many times. i walk to and fro. i hit my head against wall. it doesn’t go away. it cannot go away. how can […]
I might be too scared to find a real relationship because I could totally fuck it up. Or maybe not. Everything is all a bunch of maybes. Maybe he likes me. Maybe he doesn’t. Maybe I’m right. Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he wants to date. Maybe he’s a real jerk. Just maybe. Or Maybe not. This paradox aggravates me, more than anyone knows.
My wife pushes me into a cable box in our home. I receive a 4 staple gash in my head but I get arrested. It’s ok because I never would hit my wife. we have a 4 month old beautiful daughter. And since the cops came and arrested me two days ago. The judge has told me that I cannot see my daughter for the next three months. Three months? Is gonna feel like 100 years to me. Just one day away from her yesterday and now this morning is absolutely  killing me. I don’t know what because I miss my wife and baby so […]
I’d like to know some songs about suicide….
I am suicidal, but I am because my girlfriend brought me back. I used to be, but i stopped cutting myself and everything 2 years ago, and now, I’m back with a knife in my hand. She is suicidal, and I don’t want her to die, but I also know she probably has made up her mind, and so I’m deciding…. as of right now, I’m going too.
So I started watching the show Dexter, and it’s weird how much I relate to him. Not that I’m a serial killer killer, but the fact that I wear an emotional mask all the time. He was taught at such a young age how to pretend to be normal and fit in, and now that I look back, I taught myself how to pretend. I’ve never been seriously happy my whole life. Maybe I just trick myself into thinking that this fake happy really is what happy is supposed to feel like. I don’t think so, though. I can’t remember ever smiling when I was […]
I have only 2 reasons I’ve been able to come up with.
1. I do love my family and some friends. I just can’t tell them that they are one of the two reasons I fight these thoughts every day. If I told them, they would surely think I was boasting, or attempting flattery.
2. My cats, who she and I both loved, would suffer. You may think this one is silly, but they were adopted by us, together, while she was still alive.
The question that runs through my head tonight, is how long those 2 things will be enough to stop me.
the clutching curiosity of death is grasping me relentlessly. i wonder the thoughts that would race through my mind as i plummeted towards the pavement, i wonder what people would think when they discovered what happened to me, i wonder what people would think when the found out my true story and how shitty i felt while i was laughing at their jokes.
i will end my life, i will end it, i will, no one else, nothing else. this is me taking control of my life.
How will we commit our suicides? Hanging or fun??
Doesn’t it amaze you? You know, the fact that you’re still here. The  weight of not only your world but the worlds of countless others pressing down on your lungs like you’re miles below water. You ignore the fact that you have to switch blades or whatever you use because they’ve grown dull. Find other places to cut because reopening wounds depresses you more than it’s supposed to be helping. You breathe knowing full well that the breath before was supposed to be the last breath. Why are you still here? What are you waiting on?
Poem written in my youth. Funny how applicable it still is.
Your breath begins to gallop
Your heart thunders in your ear
You squeeze your eyes shut
You try to make it all disappear
Your thoughts spin, your mind races
You wander map-less through the streets
In the dark, you fumble for the guiding wall
You fight to surface so you can breathe
Helplessly, you watch time die
You desperately try to stop from falling
Air greets your clawing hands
You lose control, lost in nothing
You pray to whomever will listen
Pleading for this ordeal to be over
There is no redemption, no salvation
There is no […]