this may seem really weird, but im actually really excited to die. im counting down the seconds until i will have gone 10 days with out food or water. the only thing that i am kind of feeling iffy about is the fact that im goin to die fat. that really pisses me off big time. i dont know why, but i just really really want to die, it has become a lust, a desire, and an obsession.
my head is pounding, my vision is blurring, and my thoughts are skewed, i am on hour 20 of my fast, boycotting water and food. i read that old people restrict themselves of food and water, as a way of suicide, and the process often lasts around 5-10 days, so i guess that is how long i have left. i am grateful for this kind of suicide because my family and friends might not be aware that my death was volentary, hopefully the will see it as a crude accident, and feel no responsibility. fingers crossed.
Im 17. I have a 1 year old daughter. Today. I am married. Have been wuth the same guy for 4 years in december. On nov. 10th, 2012. At 9:08pm me and my husband got into a reck. I was 9months pregnant and was going to be induced. We flipped 23times and I was ejected out of the back window on the 9th or 10th flip. The back of my head was stappled shut and memory of that night was taken away *except* (along with the first 3 months of ger life) I had a ceribrial hemotoma […]
I’ve had a pretty turbulent relationship with C for 3-4 years now. He knows absolutely everything about me, my mental health and most importantly, the reason I’m so fucked up. We fight a lot and normally make up after a few days but this time it has gone too far. He’s changed his email address, phone number and moved back in with his parents (who are 200 miles away). I have no method of getting in touch with him whatsoever and I’ve never felt so hopeless. I physically cannot live without him. We’ve spoken together of committing suicide in the past and right now I’m […]
I’ve never had thoughts like these before. I guess it all started when i lost my girlfriend of 5 years. I always thought i had it good. I have a good job, im well respected by co-workers and friends, but i realised i had nothing when i lost her. I left University where i was studying psychology to work and travel abroad, which i did, happily for 2 years (this is before i met my ex) I lived in Rome, Amsterdam, and Strasbourg all thanks to my job. Now I just can’t cope. I get irritable around friends and family even if they ask me […]
Two years before I was to be born the greatest dog of all time was born, she was beaten up by children so she hated children. My grandparents took her in when she was one year old from the pound. She is a full breed German shepherd with the perfect length tail, nose and perfect height. Perfect for a dog show. Then i was born at the same time as her first litter, only one of her two born puppies survived. I wasn’t barked at by her at all. When I learned to walk and was getting sleepy, I’d get a bottle of milk from […]
Did I really think that he liked me? So naive, so naive, so naive…
Bye bye, my love, bye bye…
Sometimes I get torn between what I want and what people around me want. What I want is to be seen. I feel like people look at me but they’re not really fucking looking at me, and a couple of months I looked at this as a blessing and now it just makes me really fucking sad. I feel like no one cares, and however cliche that sounds; they don’t. No one cares anymore, no one even fucking listens. No ones listening, they’re just waiting for you to shut up so they can be heard. Do you know how annoying it is?. Do you know […]
Whats the point? What’s the point in trying anymore? trying in school, friendships, relationships, life….
Nobody listens,nobody ever fucking listens. I might as well be talking to a wall for all the response I get. Hey at least a wall is helpful in someway, I could bang my head against it. People on the other hand, no fucking use. It wasn’t enough that I hinted how much I hate my life, that sometimes I didn’t hide my scars on purpose hoping you would give a shit, no. I could almost handle you not noticing. But when I physically broke down and told you everything and […]
I hear voices taunting me keeping me up at night.
Laughing.
Yelling hateful words at me.
I can’t take it anymore.
I want to cut but i know that’s what they want.
I need help but i know if i tell they will get worse.
Please someone help me.
I can’t take it anymore.
a girl i know who started dating my last boyfriend whilst we were still dating, has begun flirting with my current boyfriend. i feel like she is trying to make me kill myself. she is like going on his ask and sending him kissy faces and she stole his jacket, and urgh. she knows all the shit that i go through and she knows i self harm, and she continues to make my life hell. urgh and i feel like a nasty jealous girlfriend, and i trust him kind of but i dont know im just so pissed of, good thing im going to die […]
I really need some help if any of you could help it will be great. I just called a place to get help but guess what? Something is wrong with their phone and so the woman can’t hear me talking! It’s a toll-free number for disabled adults and the lady says “Hello?” TWO TIMES – and then hangs up the phone! She gives you TWO “Hello?”s and hangs up the phone! What if I was hurt or having to wait to speak because the person abusing me was nearby? I guess she doesn’t care, she can’t wait or check if something is wrong with her […]
Would Antifreeze kill you if you drank it? How much would kill a person, and how long would it take? Would it be incredibly painful? Some Football star offed himself this way.
Theres no way to explain the depth of how fucked up my life is.
I dont know why I bother.
I write and erase becuase it just will sound crazy and whether anybody understands or not, doesnt matter.
Reality is what it is.
My life is pointless. I am sick, moneyless, and skilless. All i do is cause problems in life.
there is nothing good about me.
Self-diagnosis is stupid, but: I think I have avoidant personality disorder. I have all of the symptoms, which began to develop at age 11 or so…
I am one of the strangest, most pathetic people I know.
If you believe, as I do, that this world is operated under demonic beings, then suffering is not about who is lucky and who is unlucky, who is worthy and who is unworthy, who has done good and who has done evil
but rather
who is PREYED UPONÂ and who is left alone.
That sounds very wrong but this is something that has been a long time coming. I’ve suffered with being alone and never belonging. I break all my relationships and I’m always the one that’s good enough for now, Â not good enough for ever. This applies to my family, friendships and relationships.
I had a conversation with my now ex today. It was the end of our relationship. We hit a point where I told him that I knew things were hard but that I was willing to work through them because I felt we were worth it. He made it clear, he doesn’t feel I’m worth […]
I’m trying to fix myself..
I’m trying to fix the mistake..
the mistake I feel and know I am..
I’m getting tired of trying…
i don’t want to disappoint anyone anymore..
Maybe…I’ll stop it soon…
And give everyone, what they need…
Me gone.
I’m sorry, I screw things up a lot…
I’m trying to get it right but…
Somehow I always mess something up.
I’m not the right weight…and I’m trying to fix myself..
And I always mess things up…
I don’t have the right personality..and I’m trying to fix that….
I feel like a screw up all the time..
I say the wrong things and ruin the fun…
I wish I didn’t always screw things up…
I’m getting so tired of trying…
I wish I could end it all..
I sat in the shower tonight, another night of crushed expectations. I can’t resort to cutting myself over this. He’ll see them and then we’ll be back at square one. It’s nighttime and it’s getting worse each day. At night it seems to hit the hardest. Little things are triggering the moodswings and I’m beginning to lose control one day at a time. Other days are better, and I tell myself things are getting better, but in moments like these I convince myself I’m living in a lie. Am I really happy? I have happy moments, but can I live and love without you?
If […]