I have only 2 reasons I’ve been able to come up with.
1. I do love my family and some friends. I just can’t tell them that they are one of the two reasons I fight these thoughts every day. If I told them, they would surely think I was boasting, or attempting flattery.
2. My cats, who she and I both loved, would suffer. You may think this one is silly, but they were adopted by us, together, while she was still alive.
The question that runs through my head tonight, is how long those 2 things will be enough to stop me.