I.. I did something so bad… I told the whole truth last night, I told him I did it for his attention just so that he will be more attentive of me. But it all went wrong… I didn’t expect this. No…. We’re still together now.. But it’s my turn to take the wheel. It is my turn to be the one who takes the lead. He’s not going to treat me like what he did before. He’s not going to love me as much. He’s not going to put all his effort into this r/s anymore. He’s not going to trust me anymore and […]

Wow…now I know how it feels to accidentally delete every heart felt word right when you get to the end. Yeah…that doesn’t make things better. But anyways..

What I was trying to say was.. I told my brother that “I’m contemplating suicide as usual”

I’m not suicidal but I think about killing myself all day long everyday. That’s me. There was a whole lot more that I wrote explaining further but ill have to skip it for now.

So will the men in white coats show up? No they won’t! (Skipping to the point of a once well written reflection)

No one cares..and I don’t blame […]

I have a distant friend who I talk to occasionally. She’s two years older than me and we went to the same high school, we had mutual friends. We were “friends” but she was always really mean to me. We both had an eating disorder, but she was heavier than me. She used to get angry and try to compete, she thought I was “better” at having an eating disorder than her. At the time, I didn’t even know I was sick, I hadn’t even realized there was a problem. She used to ask me what size pants I wore and announce it to everyone […]

I’m 23 years old, but since the age of 14 i have experienced many spouts of depression and suicidal thoughts. Last month my mum aged 43 hung herself. Obviously my depression is right back on track as well things such as agoraphobia (I refuse to leave my flat and have disconnected my phone and Facebook. My mum also suffered from agoraphobia. I am on medication and become extremely uncontrollable when drinking alcohol. Last week I was sectioned for 72 hours for my own safety. Like my mother used to do I find myself searching the internet for methods of harming myself. I hate myself.
I […]

I was feeling sad for about 2 months but then these last 2 days I was EXTREMELY happy but then I became sad again…This always happens to me, First I’m sad for a LONG time (like a month or 2) and then I’m happy for like 4 days or maybe a week then I become sad again. Every time I become really happy something bad happens and I become sad again.Yesterday was worst I went from sad to happy to mad and all over again Whenever I’m happy my mood is unstable and I even laugh at things that don’t even make any sense, but when I’m sad nothing […]

I’m a competitive dancer, and yesterday at dance a friend of mine was really upset over boy troubles.

As she was crying, I told her things could always be worse. She asked me to prove it, so I told her to look down at my foot, full of cuts.

She asked what it was and I explained I self harm, and it is a burden far worse than boy troubles, and one I hope she never has to experience.

Self harm can help sometimes… In no way am I condoning it, but it is a very serious life lesson that things can always be worse..

Since that conversation my […]

Have you ever realize, you are facing something that you can’t get away from it, you can’t do anything to get rid of it even you can’t ignore it, all you can do is just walk with it, until certain point of time your head tell to your self that ” i hope it will get away soon” but it won’t, it just keep dragging you to the bottom of the pit that maybe already make you felt hallucinate, and then you try to spell it out but another opinions tell you that it was something that makes you……stronger happier you name it or “hang […]

I was tired, having working 13 hours the day before. I thought I could get a few more minutes of sweet sleep. I left like normal, listening to music in my car and fretting about all the financial ordeals my boyfriend and I have been dealing with lately.

And then I got into a wreck.

There went all the hard work went into saving money for Christmas.

I fucked up again.

A little story, maybe a little hope.

Hi. I’m sorry for my English. I’ll try to make myself understandable. The reason that I’ve came back here to write this is that I’m feeling well. And I want to share this here.

Since my youth, since I had 8 or 9 years, I have suicide thoughts. Jumping was always my “favorite”. Like the way it looks, flying for freedom, forever freedom. I’m, obviously, an atheist. Don’t believe in anything that will punish or save me. I’m all by myself, I was born naked and lonely, and I live and always will live naked and lonely, despite of the […]

Some people simply can’t understand what it feels like to me, not when I’m hungry, but when I’m so far past hungry that I’m empty. Yes, I feel hungry just like the rest of society, but I fight past it until I reach this feeling of complete control, satisfaction, and perfection. One bite will ruin it all and so every day becomes a battle between eating and starving. In anatomy yesterday I seriously stared at the skeleton diagram in the book, imagining how it would feel to be only bones. I was actually envious of that darn skeleton, how ridiculous is that? I promise everyone […]

I am in a real dark mood. Yesterday was real crappy and I could just feel myself plummet into darkness. Everything just seems like s___ or absolutely no positives can even be found/felt.

All night long I had dreams about hanging myself….. It is with a 100′ orange electric cable that I have in the basement…. how to tie it off, how to make a functional noose, where to hang it. How to position the chair so you can not undo it……

Yet I know that I have been in this place before and I probably do not have the balls to go through with it.

I am […]

Has anyone else put conditions on their life?  I realized last year that it would be my last Christmas unless one thing changed in my life.  As the date approached, I narrowed down that thing to specific things I needed to happen.

Maybe it is wrong of me to put conditions on living. I had a plan and should just stick to it. Why can’t I want to live without those things?  Will those things really change my happiness. Does anyone else do this?

My family got a rude awakening last night – I chose to drink, which I never do.  It let me express feelings I’ve […]

If I could pull one miracle for you..it would be the kind all the world would see.
When you wake up tomorrow, that’s when you’ll start to believe.

If I could wish for one thing now, it would be to give up everything.
Bring me to that place where nothing is all I need.

Down in the darken hall, can you see the glow? From a life that lingers beyond this earth, where we leave this dust and bone.

If I contemplate it hard enough, I know I’m not alone. So many sorely surging through my soul, I speak the words they won’t.

Though my voice is not […]

A day in my life:

http://www.wattpad.com/29039300-fucked-up-childhood-of-a-fucked-up-kid

I grew up with my mom, and her alcoholic boyfriend who was always getting tossed in jail for one thing or another. I pretty much raised myself because my mom was never there for me, and I hated her boyfriend with a passion. Growing up I didn’t think my mom gave a damn, because no matter how much I acted up in school, getting detention everytime I turned around, she only signed the paper and went on with what she was doing.
When I was 12 my mom’s boyfriend molested me. I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me, but one thing I can say is […]

At first, I thought there is something wrong with me, then I found out why but no ones care and I realize the real problem.

Read this and you’ll understand ( Copy and paste it on the URL )
https://www.facebook.com/jilliann.taleigha/posts/1430483290508874?comment_id=142439&offset=0&total_comments=2&notif_t=feed_comment

I don’t really know what this feeling is, I think it’s anxiety but there’s no trigger for it. I will be sitting in class and suddenly for no reason I feel incredibly nervous. I can’t breathe,I feel naseous and can’t sit still. It’s like a tingling through my whole body. Or I will be sitting on Facebook and suddenly I feel disgusting. What is wrong with me? All I want to do is cry but I never can. I can’t tell anyone because they don’t understand. God I am so fucking sick of everyone, of not being listened to let alone understood.

Great song by Lights, really captures how I feel…..look her up on Youtube she’s great!

It’s late and I am tired, wish I could spark a smile
The place is flying high but right now I want to be low
Don’t want to move an inch, let alone a million miles
And I don’t want to go but I know I gotta go

[Chorus:]
I just want to feel alive
The times you don’t wanna wake up
‘Cause in your sleep it’s never over when you give up
The sun is always gonna rise up
You need to get up, gotta keep your head up
Look at […]

So I guess I should tell you all a little about me.

I’m a 31 year old dude living in Atlanta. Just moved here from CA as a direct result of my depression. I have battled depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a teenager. As a young kid me and my sister were molested by our uncle on multiple occasions. We were told to get naked and perform sex acts on each other…….I was 4 when it started my sis was 6. We didnt know it was wrong but he always said it was a secret, we occasionally were drugged with something that made me […]