You ever get that sense? A trauma switch is what it is. An old picture. A memento? Something that draws out a full sense of nostalgia that its almost unbearable? A picture you’ve seen of all your friends missing one person, you. I don’t know why, but when I see these things, thoughts race through my mind to where I can’t stand even leaving the house and socializing. Not even the 4-legged friends I have are strong enough to get me out of this deep downward spiral of being left out. So I sit here, the lost lamb from the flock. The one expected to […]

Someone cut me.

healing

Last year I was ready to end it all. After 12 years of therapy sessions, psychiatric evaluations/diagnosises, treatment centers, failure after failure with cocktails of “crazy meds”–I was exhausted–my life was static. My self-esteem was non existent.
After watching the documentary DMT: The Spirit Molecule on Netflix–a spark of hope emerged. I started researching DMT which lead me to Shamanism, Peru, and eventually to Ayahuasca. I booked a ticket to Iquitos, Peru and ended up in the Amazon jungle where for the first time in over a dozen of years I began to see the world in color. I encourage those who have found […]

It’s been nearly 6 months since he left me.

I don’t understand why it still hurts so much. Why I miss him so much, no matter what I do to promote me moving on. It just hurts more and more. He’ll never know how much I really loved him. How much he meant to me. And he complains about being single even now. He won’t even spare me a passing glance. He doesn’t even notice me anymore…I’m invisible.

What do I do…

I’m gonna be honest. I’m slowly falling apart but seems like I’m falling ever so quickly off of a never ending cliff. But I know it ends because soon I will hit the bottom. I can’t feel my body or succeed in anything I do. I’m a failure. I wrote a poem to maybe help you understand…

My friend Ana.

My friend Ana said I don’t need food
I’m gaining too much weight
She said sleep is for the worthy
So I wake early and go to bed late

My friend Ana said I’m too fat
Too fat for anyone to love me
She said to stop […]

I can’t stop the feeling i’ve been hiding like almost a year. Is haunting me again; i thought it was in the past. But i was lying to myself, even tho everyday i think about it for a minute, is part of my everyday memories and feelings;  it comes back at night like a nightmare. I can’t control it, maybe is a sign that, it still remains to let me know that it’s not dead at all. That i can still save it. Save us. It won’t leave my head. That’s why i stay here.

I’m sitting here again…So sad and so alone…I have been sleeping all the time…I have no energy or drive to even face the day…My life seems to be falling apart all around me…the love I thought I had won’t talk to me, I feel so useless and unwanted…it seems as tho I can’t do anything right…it’s just worth it anymore…y is it that no one wants me around? What’s so wrong with me? I do I even try? Spent a couple days with my mom and grandma, and my mom spent the whole time telling me how horrible I am, how I haven’t lived up […]

So this has caught my attention the few days ive been on this site. Most of you speak with vocabulary that is way out of my league and you people are smart as hell. Lol. Idk if its just an age difference, or if im just not as advanced as you and to be honest, I am kinda embarrassed lol. Please tell me im not dumb. Teach me how to be smart like you 😛 you guys are like scientists 😛 xx

I know this is really random but math sucks. Im honestly too lazy to figure out this answer but does anyone know two numbers that multiply together to equal 576 but add up to be 48? Grrr. This is irritating. Smart people help?

So I came here because I’m really confused, I can’t tell if I’m actually depressed or just really evil and using my sadness as an excuse to hide away. I seem to be slowly piecing my life back together shard by shard, I just don’t think I can live in the proper world though, I’ve spent so long as a drop out of life that I don’t think I can handle things, I’m so lost

Idk why I even bother sometimes >.> I don’t want to move.I don’t even want to talk >.> but I bother changing nothing & just complain.this is my first time on this site but I’ve been on other sites trying to deal with my “problems” and let me just say,I’ve meet some…lovely…people.

I’ve already tried to hurt myself…maybe I do that by hurting other’s?not bullying…but just doing stuff to myself to make them feel bad..?but I don’t tell people..so it’s not for attention…IDK…I’m not sure how people are on this site..so I’m not really sure how it works..I just feel like I’m shutting down and stress […]

Hello ladies and gentlemen. Where do I begin? 16 years as of yesterday. Texas raised, so yeah, kinda crazy already! Most people think I’m normal. They don’t know I’m withering away. A lot of things have happened to me to make me feel this way. I’m the stereotypical loner. No much to say. Not much to do. I hide away in a shell. Like a coward, a beaten dog. The only thing that keeps me going are my animals: Horses, dogs, goats, and sheep (Bet y’all were wondering the name). And one the most beautiful girl I’ve ever met. We met in our FFA group […]

When I hear other people’s stories of depression, anxiety and suicide, I feel like I have no reason to feel the way I do. Although my life is not one to be desired, there isn’t anything wrong with my life and yet maybe I feel that makes things worse, because I don’t know how to fix things, how to make myself be happy, when I should be happy. I’m tired. Tired of a life where everything looks bleak and everything seems so pointless and no amount of pills can change that. I’m tired of life yet scared of death. So here I am stuck in […]

I wish I could sit in front of all of you, look you in the eyes and tell you everything’s gonna be okay. All of you are so great I just wish you all could see it. If I could give away happiness, id give it away in an instant to all of you. Xx

“I am alone. I am… I am s-so alone, and there’s nothing I or you or anyone else can do about it. I’m gonna be stuck here forever. No one can help me. It’s like… Like you’re invisible, even though you do everything as loudly and as brightly as you can in their very faces. They just don’t want you to be a part of their lives, so that even your own home feels like a cold place where you’re not wanted…”

Good morning beautiful people 🙂 Do me a favor and smile okay? Laughter is the cheapest medicine, remember that.  So let me help. Um. If someone calls you a name or treats you like crap, tell them a joke. Ready? Omg this is hilarious I heard this yesterday. “Are you from europe? Cause europiece of shit” bahaha. Okay. That was lame. Whatever. That would prob make them mad but whatever youd laugh. Thats all that matters 😉  love you guys. Xxx

“When you are sad, know this need not be. Depression comes from a sense of being deprived of something you want and do not have. Remember that you are deprived of nothing except by your own decisions, and then decide otherwise.”

Sometimes it’s just so hard you know? Of course you know, that’s why you’re here.
I never realized how horribly bad I was until I was genuinely happy yesterday, I had forgotten the feeling. Mind you this was a two hour relief, then something/someone ruined it.
I’m the strong one, always have been. My friends don’t realize, my seemingly perfect family. There’s the families that everyone knows are bad, the druggos, dropouts. But sometimes I think it’s the families that hide it, put up a mask and everyone thinks they are perfect that are the worse, the ones like mine. Oh your dad smokes weed […]

I tried talking to my friend today.
but when i did she just ignored everything i said
i told her i cut she said cool
i told her i hate my self and she said me to
i left it but in side i was hurting even more then before

Good Time

Do you ever hear a song and wish your life could be like that? That you could feel that way all the time? Mine is Good Time by Carly Rae and Owl City. What about yours? Come on people. List your feel good/cheer up songs so people can have a listen and feel happy! Even if just for 3-5 minutes 🙂

Also I tried posting the youtube video with no luck.