I’m tired, and finally sick also, of trying to get there in one shot of idealism. i need to find a way that’s compatible with both theoretical ideal world of mind and dirty, dark reality. and since i cannot bring the former down, i’ll have to somehow push the later up. but again not in any unrealistic way. i guess i’m getting it while i’m writing it. i need to use the very energy of real things and need to somehow direct them towards theoretical goal. the energy need to remain the same, with same properties and characteristics, so that no duality can arise again, […]

When i put the knife towards my skin, i rip out the pain going around me, i bandage myself up and cry myself to sleep. My mom see’s my arm and lies with me crying in my bed woundering why i did this to myself, When i wake up she asked me darling why did you do this, then my eyes fill up with sorry and hurtful tears not wanting to tell her why i did this, im sorry i love you mom but this is who i am, this is what i do and wanting to change that just makes it harder anyway, when […]

I’m still hurting mentally and physically. My body aches, especially my stomach…and I’ve fought crying all day but I think I will give into sorrow soon and cry myself to sleep.
But I made it.
I made it…and I may not be okay for a long long time, but I’m on my way there. I’ve felt like I was standing on broken glass all day, like the slightest movement would slice me open…like I’m hanging by a frayed thread that could snap at any moment…
I’ve been on the edge of this cliff trying to hold on as it crumbled beneath me…reaching and grabbing and […]

I see absolutely no point of being around.I just keep forgetting that and end up backing out of suicide before its to late.I cant keep doing that.Im not meant to be was never meant to be.My oldest sister will be leaving soon off to college i will never hear or see her again.I cant deal with that.
If i continue to live i will be homeless or institutionalized.My best friend says shell take care of me but she cant take care of herself let alone can i.I dont know how to survive this world.I cant survive this world.Ive thought of seeing if i can hang […]

I’ve been suicidal since I was eleven. I’m not going to lie, or sugar coat it. Life just sucks sometimes, and there’s nothing we can do about it but help ourselves in any way we think we can.

It started with my mom /verbally abusing/ me. She’d say things like, “you honestly need to get with it, [my name.] Things are not that bad and there is no reason for you to act like such a p*ssy.” It got worse. I tried to handle it. A lot went on since then and now. I’ve been homeless for over three months, have gone to school during […]

How do I overcome this feeling that I have’ I dont want to struggle anymore…..I took a bunch of pills once, but clearly not enough, and I dont know that I can do that again. Advice please

Lost my wife. Lost my job. Lost my home. Living in my car.

Idon’t want to live but I’m afraid I’ll just fuck that up too.

Where do I go from here?

Anyone in Colorado feeling the same?

so today my dads girl friend, friend was having eye surgery today, and she wanted to be there. and she’s like well I have to be there at 12:30(and of course my dad had to drive her because she is afraid to drive since our little car accident last month). and so im like well dad I have to be at my doctors appointment at 12:30(which is in Huber heights ohio. and her friend surgery was in Kettering. which is about 30 mins apart) and plus I had been telling him about this every since my neurologist DEMANDED that I seen a cardiologist as soon […]

When you tell a therapist all your problems and they say, “Wow, oh my gosh! That’s a lot to deal with at your age.” And then invite you to a stress management session, you know your life is shit. I’ve told many of my “friends” that I didn’t want to live anymore, and they always say, “No, no! Just stick it out. You’ll see. You have so much to live for.” And then I don’t.

My mother is abusive. She’s getting old and losing her mind, and now that I’m at boarding school I have to constantly worry about my autistic&&ADHD brother and what she’s doing […]

Heya.  It’s me.  I don’t really know what to put now that I’m trying to..

Let’s start with school (?) then home I guess.

Everyday I put on a pair of skinny jeans; most of the time they are plaid or a cool color like a greenish-blue, but other times its just blue jeans.  Then a shirt which is either a band shirt that is too tight or one of my other shirts (including some band tees) that are way too loose.  I have no shirts that actually fit me.  Then I go to bathroom for hair and makeup.  I almost always put on black eyeliner that […]

I understand that eating disorders are awful things and that people regularly die from them but what if that’s what I want. I like being hungry. I’m either starving or cutting. Either way, I don’t see a point in trying to get out of my cycles. The only plausible option I can find is to end my life.

The only thing stopping me is my brother. I don’t want to screw him up too bad. Maybe I’m not giving him enough credit. He’s a big kid. He could deal with it. I can’t think anymore.. I feel so helpless. I’ve been through all the therapy, medications. […]

Okay so my last post was a little harsh not going to deny that, I just I don’t have anyone to tell this to, literally. Nobody even bothers to listen to me, not even my family, especially not my “friends”

I’m always the go to girl, everyone comes to me when they have a problem and I don’t turn them away because I try to be nice and I also don’t want anyone else to feel the way I do. and that makes sense to me. I just didn’t think it was possible to feel this alone even when there are so many people around me.

I […]

I’m so tired of being stuck in this same old fucking rut, I’ve been here my whole entire life and I’m sick of it, I can no longer see a bright light in the dark tunnel that I call my life, my friends aren’t even my friends anymore, I’m so consumed by work that people just stopped trying to be there for me. Honestly if it wasn’t for work I would’ve been gone already, I used to like work I did, I used to call them my second family but I’m not sure about that anymore. Things have a way of changing and I think […]

it all comes back to me. had a shrink  appt today. that place makes  me tense.  the song and dance basically ended up with the notion that if i had what he called a “community”  my depression would be markedly reduced.  well i used to have one but times and people change.  what it really says is that i am at fault for my current condition. think i have heard this somewhere before.  i will be the first to admit to  my lazy worthlessness.  so then it begs the question why do i self sabotage myself? what is the motive behind it. from where i […]

i would really love to jump in front of a train. make my death quick and easy.

well now the only person in the world who actually cared about me is out of my life. im sick to my stomach and my wrists are numb. i want to disappear. pondering thoughts on how to do it. im thinking a train or maybe overdose. love is so complicated and no where near easy. everything in my life from now on will be dark. there’s not light or good in anything. maybe someday things will get fixed, love has done nothing but eat me alive. i feel sick, i dont even feel human because my heart is no longer beating.

Hi.

I’m new on this website, surprisingly easy to find it on google.

I bet the usual question asks is “is life worth living?” I don’t know if it is… And I’m thinking of suicide now with a knife in my hand. One cut along the vein and I’ll be done and I can avoid all this pain…

I haven’t cut in a while now because i promised my friend. I’m not sure that i can keep that promise for a long time. I’m way too messed up to stick to that promise.

I haven’t cut in a while now because i promised my friend. I’m not sure that i can keep that promise for a long time. I’m way too messed up to stick to that promise.

I feel all confuse

I cant clear out my mind

I try to understand you

but you mixed my mine so fucking bad

you told me you care but at the same time you don’t

I try to end this life but your image appears in my way

tears go down my face

as I cry this pain out

and began to be confuse again

but maybe that’s us

living a confusing love