I have two beautiful children.  They are both boys.  One is three and the other is one.  I keep thinking, how can I not want to be there to watch them grow up?  Do you know how fucked up they’re bound to be if their mom kills herself?  It’s not like I’m dying from cancer or something else that’s somehow noble, it’s “hey, how did his mom die?”  “Killed herself” and then they bully them on the school bus until they kill themselves too, and it’s just me and my boys up in Heaven and my husband down on earth with his new wife and his […]

when you feel that much at ease when you slit your wrists with that balde and you cant help but to do another cut you just have to feel the blood drip down onto the floor of the carpet in your bedroom and you feel like you have just let go of all your problems. so would this feeling be the same as dying making a big deep cut on the inside of my wrists and putting on that white ball gown and running the cold tap in the bath and you get in there and you feel the blood still dripping and that water […]

I’ve lived my life fake smiling for everyone around me. They all believe i’m okay but i’m not. I hate myself. They way i look, act, breath. I hate all of it. I’m only alive for my best friend. She has kept me going but lately she has been drifting away and i can’t handle it. I hear people give me complements but i don’t believe it i can’t cause whenever they say them i hear a voice say their lying or it’s untrue. I am so insecure because of it. If see some one looking at me i hide my face from their judgement. […]

so, do we die or not? -_-

I carved his name into my skin and now hopefully ill have a scar of his name on my skin forever. in school today ill imagining the ways that ill be killing myself when I get home. I don’t have a pulse without him, I don’t know how Im alive and breathing right now. I love him more than I love myself. This relationship was more important to me then keeping myself alive was. He doesn’t understand what I am without him. I don’t even understand it. I love him so much. If he doesn’t talk to me before I go home, ill be dead […]

There is nothing else i an think about now, than not being here. I just.. I don’t want to be here anymore, i don’t feel alive,  i don’t feel like i belong here. Lately i just feel like i am staying alive for my parents, because i do know that they would be devestated if they lost me – even though it in many ways, would probably be much easier.. My mother said that she couldn’ take this no longer. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to think anymore. I just wish that i could disapear away from this planet. Everything […]

I am 15 years old and I’ve had suicidal thoughts since 5th grade in school… you know the same old story aboutbeing bullied. For looking terrible and not having friends… when I started 7th year the first time last year I was still a mess but had a bit more of confidence I started being a ***** to some poor girl in my classroom just to fit I knew it was wrong. I was becoming a bully so I stopped so in february of this year I had to repeat 7th grade cause I am useless at studying well I had. Depression about […]

I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired I’m tired I’m tiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtiredimtired I am so fucking tired.
I am alone
Broken
Drowning
And nobody notices

They say I’m heartless, I am cold.
They say I’m a fool
They say nothing hurts me

Wrong wrong wrong wrong

I am always hurting and I am sick of it sick of the pain sick of the loneliness sick of everyone telling me it’ll all be okay when they cannot fathom the immense pain I feel.
Waking up is a reminder I am still here, in this dreadful world. I am sucked back into reality.
Why am i still here..
How am […]

Let me start like this…

Is there anyone here who’s dealt/is dealing with this eating disorder?

I am asking this because I think I’m gonna be starving myself for the next few months. I have strong reasons for that. First, food’s just started to make me sick, literally. I hate the way it tastes, smells, looks. I hate having to eat all the same things lately and I hate the urge to throw it all back up after. That’s not all. Besides, I’m not willing to spend as much money on foods as I used to, cause now I need to save my money for ‘more needed’ […]

I just turned 18 a few minutes ago and i hought i would be happy. i thought this was hopefully a new beginning. but as i lay here, only flashbacks come. the nights wishing i were dead. the moments shaking because i wanted to cut. the crying and sorrow.. ive lost so many friends in the last few months. all i have now is internet friends. its kind of ironic that internet friends seem to understand more. but, self harming tonight.

My friend moved on yesterday. Helium. Wish it hadn’t worked. Dammit. Of course he would be clever enough the first time. No problem. Genius. Reminded me of my failed attempt. It was a long time ago. I had no perspective. Didn’t believe anyone else could understand. Not really. But now I understand. Really. He didn’t know that. Couldn’t have. I don’t share. Why would I. Why wouldn’t I. So here I am. Sharing.

I’m 17, and have had more troubles in my life then a 90year old.I’ve survived this hell for years and looked down upon those “weak” enough to take their own lives. I’ve been the one raised to.always push through it, be strong, deal with it, survive,. And yet out of nowhere today I find myself registsuicide project. Here’s my story. My life was mazing I had the best family you could ask for ya we.were definitely not well ofny means just a hard working middle class family.My father was humble mechanic my mom just a stay at home mom, two sisters one brother who are […]

I’ve been contemplating suicide for a couple of years. I think about it because I am so messed up and because I am miserable. I don’t want to do anything. I am a waste. Some people call it selfish but I think I’m doing them a favor. I have a good plan and I’ve practiced many times. I’m not sure what I’m waiting for…

Or maybe I should entitle it.. “Worthless Others”

Idk.. Lately I’ve been finding it hard to value people at all. I feel so alien. Cuz after all, if people aren’t worth a damn in my life then whats the point of being anyone worth while in the first place. I’m so sick of this blood sucking planet. Fucking worthless god damn people…. Everywhere!!! I’m not trying to be hateful… But fuck’m all anyways!!

For namesakes, my name is Alex. That is not my first name, but it is half of my middle name. It feels better to put a name to this. I am 19 years old, I weigh about 110 pounds, and I am 5 foot 6 inches tall, and I’m skinny. These are the traits I credit as the roots of all my insecurities. I want to make this very personal, as there I things here I have never told anyone ever before, but wont put my actual name on the off chance that someone I know sees this and recognizes my name.

Up until my sophomore […]

I just need help. I wanna get over this but I end up talking myself down & convincing myself i’m not capable. I just need a hand. A girl can only take so much. Also, I dont need anyone telling me suicide is stupid. Do you know whats stupid? Pushing someone so far the only answer they see to fix it all is suicide. Thats stupid.  I also dont need someone to complicate everything I just said. I dont need anyone to go into detail. Just help.

I have a date to die. In almost three weeks time, I expect to no longer be here. Or at least not exist in my current corporeal state. It’s even entered into my google calendar, though not in overly obvious terms. How morbid is that? Funny enough, since I selected the date last night, I no longer feel “suicidal.” Rather, I feel like a terminally ill patient who has been told his expiration date. I feel I’m marching towards it. I feel there is no longer any choice involved and that’s a relief. I would have to compare it to when a mother is told […]

No one ever wants to except me as a friend! I need someone to talk to and this is the only place left on earth that I have not looked yet! I am the biggest loser it seems like to me! Any advice?

If it was not for prozac I probably would be a threat to myself!

I cannot do anything right and no one cares about me! Nothing is interesting at all! I have nothing to write about! I wish I had someone to talk to on a regular basis! In my opinion most people hate me! I live a sad life!

My use name peepingtom is only to disrespect me, it is not true! My name is not even tom! I wish someone was here with me! I live a lonely life and it is depressing and full of tragedy!  Because of this no one ever wants to […]