I want to  be gone but I can’t. What if something goes wrong and I survive? Then ill look like an even bigger fool. What will people think? not that my family cares but I can’t hit my sister. Shes she only one that’s there even though shes a loT younger. I know it would damage her for the rest of her life and my parents would be mad at me. But they don’t understand when they  yell at me to do things or call me fat I want to leave. They tell me I don’t get it but i do. So much.

I feel like such an idionfor writing this, that I pity myself so much but I can’t help it. I don’t even known if this is normal but it probably is. I can’t be alone with myself. Whenever I am left to think, I decide yet amother thing or daily action social interaction is pointless. Why do we laugh? I keep insulting myself and I can’t get over the fact that ik a failure. But I’m only 14. It just doesn’t work. then I keep thinking I’m special, but I’m not. If I was special wouldn’t everyone else have to be too? I call other […]

My  legs begin to break, i walked this path for far too long, my lungs, they start to ache, but still i’m carry on. I’m choking on my words like i got a noose around my neck. I can’t believe it’s come to this, and i fear, i fear, that the end is near. I fear that the fear is ending tonight.

I fear this is the end, this happens all the time, this happens every day,
But I never seem to quit.

I can’t stop the bleeding, and it’s only getting worse, this happens all the time
This happens every day
But I never seem to quit.

Only the dead have […]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oVZ_lLUIIyU

“A self-destructive man feels completely alienated, utterly alone. He’s an outsider to the human community. He thinks to himself, “I must be insane.” What he fails to realize is that society has, just as he does, a vested interest in considerable losses and catastrophes. These wars, famines, floods and quakes meet well-defined needs. Man wants chaos. In fact, he has to have it. Depression, strife, riots, murder – all this dread. We’re irresistibly drawn to that almost orgiastic state created out of death and destruction. It’s in all of us. We revel in it. Sure, the media tries to put a sad face on […]

I lay awake in bed complaining to myself how fat I am and how much weight I have gained amd I get up in the morning and I can literally taste how good it would feel to be thin. But then I see food. I know I could go on a diet but I have tried so many times and ended up gaining weight. As much as food is necessary to survive, I need it to survive mentally. Eating is the only time during which I  not thinking and drowning myself in thought. I say I want an eating disorder, but I have one. Just […]

I’m extremely sensitive to sounds and noise. I’f I’m somewhere in public, and I am not distracting myself (either with music or by talking to myself), I start hearing everything. I hear every little detail; every voice, every footstep, every turning page. It all jumbles up and turns in to a high pitched screech in my head, that doesn’t stop until I leave the area and go somewhere secluded. I’ve passed out from this five times. It physically hurts me, I get migraines and I become extremely dizzy. It’s been so bad that a year ago, I had to start taking online classes because I […]

And I’m attracted to them, initially.

The pattern goes like this: We meet, hang out and instantly connect. I’m very attracted to his emotional sincerity, creativity, attentiveness, and intelligence. At first, he seems like a dream; only an hour has passed and we feel comfortable talking about our most personal fears, and hopes. We kiss and he’s so romantic and flattering, saying he admires my beauty and kindness. He feels as if he can open up to me, easily reveal himself. I fall even faster; he must be my soulmate with this mutual vulnerability and ease. It’s just so damn easy to feel good around […]

“It’s never too late to be who you might have been. ”

What do you guys think about that?

I have no motivation to do anything constructive to entertain myself on this Friday night, yet I can’t stop obsessively surfing the web.

I was feeling positive, hopeful, but the loneliness and boredom that accompanies it is overwhelming. I feel I can’t do this alone.

My heart aches. I wake up anxious nearly everyday wondering when it will end.

If I could just feel happy, I know that’s impossible but ugh. Please, have mercy. I look around at all these functional people living their lives and I don’t understand how they lead such stressful lives without breaking. How do they persevere? They’re like superheroes to […]

fuck everyone, everything, over & over, hard.

don’t fucking talk about me like you know me because you just fucking don’t

clearly

if you did,

you would care more

and why can’t you fucking see all this evil in the world

why do you even smile or say it’s good

when someone you supposedly loved just turns into, well, money

how does no one actually give a shit

like what is thisssssssssss

i asked you for help, did i not?

you definitely saw me suffering

do i look strong to you?

choke me, stab me, rip off my skin, just do anything else… i know it would hurt less

just make sure it ends because i can’t stand this […]

Hey bro, first off I want to say that I don’t want to dissuade you from making your own choice of ending life, and I definitely don’t want to encourage it. I however know you are experiencing hardship, and cannot judge anyone who decides to take their own life.

I Just want to let you know that you are one of the nicest people I’ve encountered on an internet community. You have very good objective logic and reasoning, and are considerate of others and their beliefs. I lurk alot and rarely post, but I posted one thread on this site, and you provided a really thoughtful […]

The times u feel when ur heart is shattered and ur soul is dark when ur mind roams trying to find answers on why does this happen to me why is this world so cruel I just don’t understand anymore the time I feel down the times when I wanna be alone are to clear my mind and forget everything to life the. Pain from each word said by people to me The feeling of emptyness inside ur heart hurts everytime I cry it’s a peace of me getting wasted away everytime I’m sad I’m always hurt my heart is always hurt the ways that […]

Do you really know? You think the scars are beautiful, but do you know how I got them? Do you know what I think about every time someone calls me useless or stupid? Can you understand how it feels when the others stare at me because my sleeve rolled up? Can you help?

long live for weed.

Don’t you just wish you can be in a coma for a couple of years so you don’t have to deal with all the shit that’s in your life?? I would love that.

A famous poet ELIOT said: “When u get little You want more, When u get more, You desire even more, but when u lose it, u realize LITTLE was enough”

I just want to end my life, I can’t take any of this shit anymore. I’ve never had the guts to do it though…do any of you know a painless way to die?

I don’t want to be alone anymore. I need someone to need me. Is that too much to ask?

I have had no sleep again except for like 3 hrs but I woke up strangely happy…I am still in a lot of pain but I might get my meds today which makes me happy and then right now bc of u all on here I feel I have a support system that I never had before…I jus wanted to thank u all

The only thing I have that I can rely on 100% of the time is my daughter…
I’m just so tired of everything.
I am literally exhausted of trying to keep pretending that I’m fine.
I am tired of trying not to cry.
Usually failing.
I’m tired of being blamed…
I’m so emotionally worn out…
I don’t want to care anymore…because all it ever does is hurt….
The only one I know will always be here is her.
I’m so tired of false hopes…
I’m exhausted…waking up is a burden that I only continue to carry for her…
I have friends I care about…but she’s […]