therapy sessions are getting heavy. considering hypnosis to look into possible abuse. i have been using pot to numb myself-trying to escape from myself. thinking gets me in trouble-the more i think the more i believe the abuse happened. it is scary to believe. opening pandora’s box. i don’t know if i am strong enough to handle what comes out of this. i think about suicide a lot. thinking about other means to an end. the gun option would require a little work. but there are other possibilities within easy reach. there is this feeling of impending doom i can’t seem to shake. been having […]
ok so im noticing a fucking pattern.
every time a suicide attempt fails within a few days something good comes out of it.
with that ive been majorly depressed and tried commiting suicide the other night well no duh i failed.
go back to a year ago, i had a crush on my friend who had a girlfriend so i respected that and tried not to make this a big fucking deal…to late for that. my friend is really suicidal and last yr i always had my suicide notes/poems with me taped to my binder for school well he saw it and read it once he […]
Tomorrow I have my first therapy session… to be honest I am nervous, but really excited. I’m determined to go in there knowing what I want to accomplish and making it happen. I really hope the excitement I’m feeling about getting help is something that one day everyone can feel as well.. I want to be happier and healthier. I will make this change.
Hey there my sweet angel
I see you there, all alone,broken.
I know you are hurting inside.
I see why you cry.
Just know that I love you so
And I don’t wanna see you go.
I see you drowning,
Drowing in your tears,
I know your runnin
Tryin to escape your fears.
Andthere’s a fire deep inside of you
so don’t give up yet im begging you.
At the end of this tunnnel there may or may not be light.
But its a gamble that’s worth the risk.
Youdon’t have to cry anymore tonight.
you don’t have to carve your pain into your wrists.
Tonights the night you want to give in.
I know youre drowning in your tears.
But you can’t […]
I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything that could possibly go wrong in my life has to this point. In high school I never had a problem with friends or anything else. I was pretty popular and good at sports. It has done nothing but go down hill since then. I got arrested for a DUI last fall. That was extremely embarrassing and living in a town with 300 people in it only made it worse. I feel like I brought shame to my family. After that I dropped out of school because I kept failing classes. Now I have no money and no […]
The real world isn’t rainbows and sparkles.
It’s not always fun and rarely easy.
Honestly its far from easy or fun.
It’s cruel and brutal,
Cold and heartless,
Unforgiving and dark,
Depressing and awful,
Bitchy and duechey,
Pointless and crazy,
And so are the people in the fucked up world.
Its full of the terrible people,
people that feed off your pain,
they will do anything to make you suffer.
People are vile and cruel.
They will do anything to make you miserable.
Some days they are going to win,
but some day they will lose and you will realize how strong you are.
Well where do I start. I havent been on here for a while, mainly because I dont have a computer or for that matter much of anything in life. I just had a lot on my mind today and had to reach out to someone who could understand. Haha I just decided to quit smoking today too but just like everyother time I try to quit some bullshit is popping up and it drives at my fucking skin. anyways this might be a long story but like i said I havent been on here for a while and actualy I thought I was seeing a […]
i live with my parents (again) and i’m 28 years old, nearly 29. i work on computers for 40 hours a week. over the past year i have cleared up a lot of debt (largely in part because mom and dad have not charged me rent and put a dinner on the table for me). i’m coming up on a year at my current job; the end of May marks both my 1-year anniversary and my birthday.
about this time last year i was calling the police on some dumb ***** and her self-centered daughter when she threatened my life. i was such a wreck, racing […]
My name is drew, i am 20 years old, and currently residing in a “suck you under” little town in texas. I grew up a happy child, played sports and had lots of friends. But were did it all go wrong? why do i have no friends? no family? no life? why is waking up a day to day challenge? i guess you could say im to chicken shit to kill myself. but the thought has passed my mind alot more than it should. i wish i could just leave this world behind….and no one would remember me. i see my life and friends […]
well this fucking embarsing fan fucking tastic its now 00:13 and i toke the pills at 10:00 all iv don it up chuk and hit my head agnst the wall 100 times for trusting a chave deler i cant fucking belev it all i feel is sike mother fucking bich all the planing all the shit back to swer 1 is this a sine that im going to live thru all the pane its the 11th time somthing like this has hapund to me got to get a fucking gun !!!!!!!!!!! i can not belev this why just why !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
are you still with me
do you still care
if i were to diy tomorow
wood you even note
the one who calld out in silens
in the boling crowd
the one who was forgoten
never to be known
drownd out by the back grownd nose
that titend rownd his nakid from
and sqwesd the air from with in
know my cuts tell storeys
that no man can tell
know my songs are sagas
that make sens to only me
when you here a war cry
will you think of me
my words are so much like it
with the cold hate and empthey
IM SHOUTING FROM THE ROOF TOPS !
CRYING TO THE WOLD !
WHY AM I INVISBUL !
DEAD TO THE WOLD !
ALL THE […]
In a nutshell: 23 years old, No job, never been in a serious relationship, living with my sibling who I can tell doesn’t want me to be here much longer. No money, no car, and since graduating and moving to a new city, no friends. I do EVERYTHING alone. I eat alone, I go out alone, I work out alone. Student loan payments will have to be made soon. Rent, car payments, a multitude of other bills with no job are coming. This isn’t what it was supposed to be like. By this point in my life I was supposed to be starting a new […]
you try to convince me that your okay.
I won’t believe it anyways.
I see more cuts on your arm.
and your bright eyes are turning dark.
I’m sorry bae i have to go.
but i hope you know.
I love you so…
She scared of her life.
she’s scared she won’t survive.
she’s scared that there will never be.
another door that leads to me.
she’s scared of the light.
No, she cowers in the dark.
she says that she can’t love.
but she’s underestimated hearts.
She’s so scared of people.
and getting close to them.
she says they always leave.
and look at me.
everything is just too much & I wish I had the energy to type it all in here. I’m just hurting so bad, I don’t really even know why I’m writing this.
I hate this house. I hate Ottawa, I hate the whole damn province. I hate what this place has always stood for. Since I moved to this fucking urban wasteland all I’ve felt was angry, depressed and suicidal.
I hate what this house stands for too. In this house all that’s happened was me getting yelled at, me yelling back, me crying, and me being ignored. I hate the kitchen, this is where all the fights happen, this is where all the knives that I can never use are. I hate the living room, I spent an hour there yesterday being explained exactly how I’m nothing […]
blood on the flore
and i dont know what to do
hart in my haed and the
pull the triger and im dead
mother fucker stop hitng me im beging you pleas
with my heart string blues
—————————–
the people in my head i sware thay whant me dead
“hay that rimed”
SHUT UP BRANE IV HAD IT WITH YOU
im lost and not to be fownd
im going way down to whats ever is below
GAME OVER PLEAS PRES START TO PLAY AGEN
i lost im not doing that agen in 2 days iv gon geting brter to this
LOVE TO YOU ALL MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS
please try to sing this song in your own rhythm
Sitting Alone
Trying To Hide
Remembering Your Pain
And All Those Hurtful nights
The Way You have hold On
The Way You Believed
It all Seems Going Down
And You Are Loosing Your Everything
You Have Tried
Tried So Hard
But Still Can’t Find
Any Light Through It
Because You Are Broken
Broken From Inside
And Showing The World
That You Still Can Fight
Now, Your Eyes Are Getting Tired
of Staring The Walls
All Alone
yeah, All Alone
In This Lonesome House
You Want To End It All
You Want To Leave The Pain
And Free Yourself
From This Unwanted, Insecure, Troublesome
INSANE
Because You Are Broken
Broken From Inside
And Showing The World
I’ve been able to keep my thoughts secret for years now, without ANYONE knowing about the cutting or thoughts of suicide. But someone finally figured it out. And when someone finds out a secret that big they can’t keep it to themselves because if I were to finally kill myself, they’d only blame themselves. But they don’t realize that with every new person that finds out, it gets worse. The cutting has almost doubled and I just want to kill myself. People have been asling me to go talk to a counselor or a priest. I finally went to see a counselor and now they […]
I am tired of my life. I am tired of looking back at my past and looking into my forward. I have a feeling of complete hopeless. I have been suffering from depression for 7 years of my 20 year life. I am usually always depressed about one thing or another but sometimes my depression explodes and hurls me into a scary state of mind. I am currently in one of these states of mind. I have a ugly past and I have obscene tattoos that remind me of it daily. I wake up and wish my tattoos where gone but they are not they […]
Another sleepless night. I’ve been wanting to go to class less and less. It used to be that it at least distracted me. Now I just don’t really have the will to go.
I honestly cant remember the last time I was truly happy. I’ve lost all interest in things. I was okay for awhile but I’ve just gotten worse and worse. I really  can’t stand the thought about going to class and seeing friends and having to fake a smile. I have a couple close friends, they say they care, but that’s all that is right? Just words. Its been weeks and not even a single text or call to say hi […]