I feel to cry because i caused my life to be shit …If i die my family would stop being poor so maybe i should……….. just a faillure my new name 🙂 (Y) I love my mother way to make me feel better to tell me how much of a failure and a user ive been and how poor i am making them …..yet im trying to stay positive
I’m sick of all the bullshit cliches about suicide. “A permanent solution to a temporary problem.” Fuck that. If it’s such a temporary problem, then why is it so endless? This pain isn’t temporary. I’ll always be me. I’ll always fuck things up. I’m the problem, and the only way to solve anything is to end it all. I only wish I could see if anyone cares. That I could see how they react. It’s a fucking joke how everyone suddenly cares about you once you off yourself. Why should I stick around just because it might hurt a few people if I die? If […]
Imma just… take a bunch of pills and… hope this works.
A 500-metre (1,600 ft) drop would take the train to 360 kilometres per hour (220 mph) close to its terminal velocity, before flattening out and speeding into the first of its seven slightly clothoid inversions.
Each inversion would have a smaller diameter than the one before in order to maintain 10g to passengers while the train loses speed.
After a sharp right-hand turn the train would enter a straight, where unloading of corpses and loading of new passengers could take place. more
I’ve never felt right on this earth. I’ve been depressed and made small attempts (self harm?) since primary school. I had a loving (if alcoholic and over controlling) mother who took her own life by car exhaust when I was 12. My sleep pattern got fucked, school work started slipping and I started cutting. I got close to a full attempt and chickened out at the last minute when I was 14. My dad was just really angry and refused to let me seek help. I had a grief counsellor, but I’m not sure […]
Why can’t she see that I’m not alright?
Why can’t she see that I need her?
Why can’t she see that I hate myself?
Why can’t she see how I feel about her?
More importantly, why do I have to feel this way about her?
Why do I have to love her?
Do you know how often I hear people talk bad about gays, lesbian, and bisexuals? I listen to people go on about how it’s “Immoral” or “wrong” and I just have to sit there, clenching my fists, wanting to punch them all in the face. Because if they knew. If they really knew, then I would never be accepted. […]
What if this is as good as it gets? I’ve been in therapy on and off for 27 years, since I was 11. I’m afraid that where I am now is where I will stay. A horrible fluctuation between being ok, then cutting, then wanting to be gone, back to ok again. It makes my head spin.
What if this is it?
My boyfriend broke up with me a couple weeks ago, and I feel like crap.
Everyday I see him around, he’s flirting with another girl.  It hurts so much
to know he has already moved on and I still haven’t. I feel like my heart
has been ripped in half. Everyone keeps telling me to move on, that he’s not
worth it. But every piece of advice they give me I start missing him even more.
I stopped eating like I used to. I eat at least one meal a day sometimes I don’t
eat at all. I can’t […]
My life is good. I don’t have to worry about much, my parents give me food, shelter, money etc. I’m in college doing a degree I love, but have no motivation to do any of the assignments. I feel like killing myself all the time because it would just be easier than feeling pain all the time. I just don’t want to live. I struggle to do things now. I only do them because I don’t want my parents to be disappointed. All the money they wasted on me for a failed son.  I’ve made plans to kill myself before my birthday, but I don’t know if I’ll go through with […]
I want to take it all away
Take back what I told you
It changes how you feel about me
I can see it in your eyes
No matter how much you deny
I can hear it in your tone
No matter how much you say no
Â
This is why I don’t
Tell people how I feel
They make assumptions
Most of them aren’t real
Â
And they don’t deserve the burden
It should be mine to bear
Still I can’t help wishing
That someone else would share
Â
Still I can’t help wishing
There was somebody out there
Who would hear all I have to say
And it wouldn’t change the way they thought of me
Or how they looked at me
Or how they acted […]
I think it’s time for me to go. I’m still fucked up, if not more fucked up than when I first came here. Trevor loves Kendall, and I think it’s time for me to realize it. Yeah, he flirts with me, but he flirts with pretty much every girl; he’s a flirty person. He doesn’t like me. My grandma isn’t going to get better. Lacey and Papa aren’t going to come back. My parents love my little sister more than they love me. I can’t make them happy. I take all Pre-AP courses offered, I quit cutting, I’ve never had detention, I’ve kept all A’s, […]
This awful stillness. This heaviness in my chest that saps me of all my energy and leaves me feeling depressed an hopeless.  I can’t cry and there’s nothing I want to do. I don’t want to stand, sit, walk, run, play video games, watch tv, draw, hang out with friends, read, go for a car ride, write this post. Nothing. There’s just nothing. I don’t want to exist.  How selfish is that? haha. Mom, Dad. You suck.
i can’t fucking believe you! i pour my heart out to you and all you take from it is some imaginary threat? are you paranoid or something? why is it all about you?wow i am stunned. i leave your office sobbing-again. aren’t you supposed to be keeping me from killing myself? instead of throwing fuel on the fire? how can you be so tone deaf? first it was ” am i on the list” ? like i even know you or something. then you are offended by my surprise that you called me at the hut. then you are offended again that i was surprised […]
In early 2009 I started dealing with severe recurrent depression, even though I was undiagnosed at the time. Â I’m sure many of you know what that feels like. Â I felt like my life had no point, none of my classes were interesting, I didn’t want to hang out with my friends, and I just hated everything and everyone, especially myself. Â All of these emotions just kept building up until I couldn’t deal with it anymore. Â In September of that year I tried to overdose on sleeping pills. Â I calculated what the lethal dose for someone my size would be, and took that plus a few […]
its been there on and off for the past couple of years, its around my chest cavity. i yearn for it. it makes me feeling something, better than this numb state of being
Being a science major in high school …..its hard….i cut but i know im anaemic ……i dont eat even i know i may get an ulcer …i pass out at nights because i am so weak yet still i do this every day …
Enough of my confusion….the next poem name is Words.
Scars around your body
Blood flowing from your heart
to your vein through your skin
Splint in two by the red ***
Bruises internally . each word they said
scars your soul to hate this day
Words of regret, Words of mistakes
Words to make you not want to see another day
Knife to your heart, Blade to your soul
The last breath […]
i wonder if i do it all by myself
make my life harder than it needs to be
make it more confusing
more complicated
and yet, all the more pointless
i find no joy in the things that used to make me happy
while i find no joy in new things either
and so no joy is found
perhaps the person in charge of the treasure hunt for my happiness overestimated me, and hid my happiness in the stars
or perhaps they got distracted by the stars, and forgot to hide my happiness anywhere at all
I still feel like my life is over, and as such, it makes no sense that I continue to breathe and consume resources. Am I suicidal? Sometimes. Not as much as I was a few months ago. I’m giving time a chance to do its thing. Pain is easier to compartmentalize now, and I like the meds I’m on. I function. I’ll never be happy again, per se, but I can get by. Everyone else on here has a worse life than I do. Suicide is more of a fantasy I don’t want to let go […]
What is life? What is death?
Such words countlessly repeated.
What is after? What was before?
A bird in a cage has no use for such answers.
Brocken wings, muted songs,
For life will exhaust them before long.
What is this wonderful world you speak of?
I look, I search,
I desperatly yearn for a revelation.
But I see grey, I see ugliness,
I see the bars in hoplessness.
When all smiles could faked and all cheers could be fabricated,
Even love will be twisted.
What is remaining? What should I be searching?
Only the self satifaction of daydreaming.
Let me sleep, let me dream, let me wander away from my cage.
I don’t want this heart anymore
Some time from nowhere comes a shining light. some times, from the strangest places.  today is just another day,like any other . but a light shined inside my window today ,in the form of a little penguin who love to surf. and with the will and the faith and determination over came all odds.   the film was nice i smile and looked at myself , and listen to the closing song on the sound track and heard something strange in the  lyrics. Did i hear it right. I raced to the laptop and found the song and was in shock. to see and hear the words to this song .  It made […]