maybe i should have killed myself when i had the chance, when i was ready to die, when i had nothing to loose.. that probably would have been the right thing to do.. but of course.. i make yet ANOTHER wrong fucking goddamn decision. fuck it. fuck this. fuck everyone. fuck me. FUCK LIFE. could honestly punch a hole in my fucking goddamn fucking wall for fucking chirsts sake.

Why do i always try to help other people? why? EVERY time i try to help someone go through a really difficult time.. all that i get is shit.. why do i bother? Why do i bother when i know that no matter what… whatever i do clearly isnt going to do anything or mean anything.. this happens all the time.. this isnt the first, or the 5th or the 12th.. and it sure as hell wont be the last.. why do i care so much? why do i have to love someone so much and put so much into them, just to get spit […]

You may have well just spit in my face. I will do whatever i can to help, and so far i have.. what do i get? nothing.. i try so hard, invest every part of myself and my life to help.. and nothing. may as well have just slapped me across the face.. really hurt.. really betrayed

I wonder what I fight for, Why i choose to stay. Is it because of you? Of course not. You hurt me physicaly and mentaly.. Yes I am not preoud I lost my virginity to you at 13.. I wanted to wait till marrige.. I love how you admitted to being a ‘Sex Addict’ … It is rather sad you’ve had sex with 16 girls maybe over 20 times, & you’re only 16.. But hey I have no room to speak.. You hurt me today, You hurt me yesterday.. I will remember everything..

What have I became? Everyone I know goes away.. But You, You just […]

S

So yesterday I had sex with the guy I’m madlyinloved with my brother walks down on us mind you him and my brother are bestfriends my brother ordered him out of the house told him they are no longer friends… Bbecause of me. I’m always ruining everything I probably won’t see him again and it’s all my fault feeling like total shit once again.

I wish I could shoot some cocaine before I die at least one more time, yet I don’t think I have that much time left, maybe tonight, tomorrow, or the next day.

I have even been planning to do some, yet cocaine around phoenix is nothing but crap. Last May I was on a mission, and bought an oz. of coke, tried to rock some up, and nothing, so the cocaine wasn’t cocaine, at least there was very little and the rest cut, what a bummer.

So I came up with a plan. Crack Cocaine by its nature has to have cocaine in it to rock up, […]

To kill myself or not kill myself? That is the question. I hate decisions. In the mornings I can’t even decide which pair of socks to wear, so how do I prepare myself to determine a life or death situation? If I choose to live, how do I know if I’ll be happy someday? Will I just have to wait and see? But what if it turns out my life never turns around, and I just spiral deeper and deeper into this  pit of nothingness, living everyday regretting that I never ended myself? That’s the thing, I’ll never know.. and that’s what I hate about […]

I draw the single, slim razor I broke out of a shaving head down my wrist. It works so well, I love it. The thin lines of crimson life seep out and form red drops. Its so beautiful. When the liquid threatens to spill I lap it up, the wonderful, metallic taste of life slowly draining out. Tomorrow I’ll put on the make up to conceal these scars, and hide my lovely blade somewhere safe. Cutting, I’m becoming addicted with you. I want to see my blood gushing out, but that much pain just doesn’t sit well with me.
Why did I post this? Because […]

I usually find anti-suicide songs very patronising and not really helpful at all when I’m in that dark place. Having said that, this one really resonates with me. It’s positive without being condescending. Well, I think so anyway 🙂

The worst part about all of this is that I can’t remember his face. I know he was older and he had curly (or maybe wavy?) black hair. He might have had glasses, but I’m not too sure about that. I know he had nice headphones, and I was jealous that he wouldn’t have to deal with the constant noise of the bus running along the road.

That’s all I remember about him. I don’t know if it’s better that way or not. In some ways, yes, because it doesn’t give me anything to focus on when the attack spontaneously pops back into my head. But […]

One of the worst things about being a cutter is the aftermath. First, you have to clean up your mess and make sure you don’t stain anything or questions will be asked. Then you probably tend to your wounds to make sure they dont get infected because then you could die and not the way you want to. Then you have to maintain the hiding, what about when I change in the locker room? Or go to get blood taken? What about when it’s summer and people grow suspicious if I wear covering clothes all the time? You have to plan around these things and […]

I feel nothing. I just feel so empty inside. I feel like someone else is up there in my head controlling everything I do. I want to talk to someone, but I don’t want my parents to find out. I self harm, and I take way too paracetamol at a time, hoping one day i won’t wake up. But the thing is, I’m not sure why i do it, I don’t have a concrete reason. I’m just sad, all the time. My life isn’t perfect, but it isn’t the best either. I just don’t know what to do.

Love is what’s killing me…Love is nothing now…nobody cares..I’m done I give up…I gave her all of me…it’s all over..fuck this pointless life..I want out no one gets me..ill give myself 5 days no more.

im a twenty year old female. ive been using dope (a variety of opiates/opiods) for almost three years… i want to use them to end “it”. i was curious if anyone else felt this way?

i am being bullied at school for being bisexual all because this one girl i thought i trusted told everyone… so much for thinking she was a good friend i am living at my friends house because my mom and i just can not live together and my friends dad is always telling me too smile and too be happy… he doesn’t know i am sad and it is getting on my nerves when he does that because it is all the time and honestly telling me all that and is not really helping i just ignore and tune out must of the time… I […]

Why do i make my moms life harder?  Everyone looks down on me and wishes i wasnt around. Maye i shoudnt be around. Maybe their lives would be better

Im a disgrace, and embarassment. My sistes embarrassed to call me her sister. My bother is ashamed of me. My mother is tired of me. Im tired of myself. I dont even know what to do anymore. No one listens to me. No one wants me.

I Feel Numb. My aunt Sue is in the hospital, she’s getting a surgery that should hopefully remove her breast cancer. When MaSue told me all I could do was sit there speechless thinking “this can’t be happening to another aunt.” But somehow I’m more at peace with the fact that she has breast cancer than I am at peace with how I’m handling it. Shouldn’t I be crying? Shouldn’t I be worried? Shouldn’t I be freaking out like the rest of us? I feel empty inside; heartless. Maybe it’s because death is more comforting to me than the living, either way I feel horrible for being emotionless and I hate […]

Am I Insane? Waking up in the middle of the night craving just to self-harm, I could feel the need on my scarred wrist just so temped to grab my razor & press the cold metal against my skin. Deeper & deeper gliding across; red gushing out everywhere off the sides of my wrist & down my arm.  “I wanna cut, I need to cut” I could see my skin break as the tip of the knife goes down my arm with blood spilling out of my arm. Since that night I’ve been craving to cut & all I think about is suicide attempts. Maybe if I […]

Hey I’m mike, I’m 24 now, I’ve been on this site for a while. I’ve come and gone. Had my up’s and down’s. Right now i find myself somewhere inbetween. I find strength in all of you and nothing makes me happier than reaching out to you and listening to each of your stories. If you’re like me then you know doctors suck and family just makes matters worse. You don’t want to talk to them, you want to talk to people with the same scars as you. Many of your stories can definitely top mine. I’ve read them and I feel for each and […]