I don’t know how many people believe in psychics. My mom’s boyfriend is clairvoyant and I had him read me with my suicidal thoughts in mind. I had him do two readings (picking the cards, reading them, then shuffling them, and doing it again) to be sure. He told me to think of the question I wanted to ask (one that can be answered with yes or no) while I shuffle the cards. (I have to shuffle them to put my energy in them or some mumbojumbo). In my head the first time I asked if my suicide attempt would work. The second time I ask if […]

I sent a bullet through my skull 15 years ago on November 10th, 1997.  I never did it again, came close a couple of times but I’ve tried hard never to let things get that bad again.  Of course, so many things are out of our control and there’s always the day to day BS that can lead to death by a thousand cuts.  Even as a small child I remember suicide being an option.  If things went bad at school or with friends I remember thinking “I could always kill myself” and it made me feel better.  I didn’t act on it until much later but […]

IF I could do one thing with this pathetic life I would kill myself and take all your pain with me so that no body ever has to live I have for the last 23 years. I know its impossible and my death will do nothing for the cause but its a sincere thought. I have been living in hell for so long that I feel that reaching actual hell could not be any worse than this, and I deserve to burn anyways. I figure a fair punishment for hurting my family to no end is burning in hell in eternal torture and flame. But […]

Im actually kinda happy right now which is really really wierd for me haha. Im happy cause im in an amazing relationship with this amazing guy 🙂 hi lifeishorrible <3 haha but at the same time im worried about my great-grandma whose 100 yrs old, ses in the hospital and it doesnt look like shes gonna make it….i guess you cant have happiness without an equal amount of sadness

Would it be wrong, would it be right?
If I took my life tonight,
Chances are that I MIGHT.
Mutilation out of sight,
and I’m contemplating suicide.

I never realized I was spread too thin,
‘Til it was too late and I was empty within.
Hungry, feeding on chaos and living in sin
Downward spiral, where do I begin?
((It all started when I lost my mother,))
No love for myself and no love for another.
Searching to find a love upon a higher level,
Finding nothing but questions and devils.

I can’t go on living this way, nothing’s alright.

It never gets better.
Maybe it does for others, but not for me.
When I was younger I heard a song that said “love heals the heart,” and I protested, saying that it only seems to heal the heart, and just brings more pain. The last year had changed my mind. My boyfriend is great. Finally felt safe. But now I’m realizing I was right. I love him. So much. Yet he still brings pain. I mean we all do, I guess. But it’s so unfair.
He hurt himself again tonight. 10 minutes after the promise not to expired. I was planning on renewing the […]

When you pushed me into your car?
When you started touching me?
When I said ” Jerod, please unlock the doors, I want out”
But You didn’t listen..
You kept driving & Touching me..
So I turned off your car..
And tried to get out..
I was only 13..
You were 17..
I thought you were a ‘Family Friend’
How about when you hit me so hard..
Or asked me to sext?
You always sent me pictures of you..
You wanted to take my virginity..
But I told you No..
You got very mad..
& Went off on me..

I just realized this. Maybe you guys understand. Sometimes, our greatest enemies aren’t our classmates, friends, family, or anyone else in this world.  My greatest enemy is no one but me.

I was in my school, watching my classmates perform on stage. Everyone was laughing and having fun together. There was so many people, i even new some of them and talked to them, but i still felt lonely and out of place. im the one who thinks this way. im the one who feels this way. everyones happy but me. i wish i could stop myself. i feel like im battling someone i dont know […]

1. Write letter
2. Buy gun
3. Say goodbye to family
4. Kill self

You asked me why I don’t text you anymore, all I could say is ‘No Clue’ I know why i don’t text me,
1. You used me
2. I don’t want to keep falling in love with you
3. Your a douche
4. I can’t TAKE this anymore…

I’m sorry..

what if i really wanted to be gone? i dont think im depressed, but i feel constant stress and im starting to wonder if its really giving up or taking the easy way out. i feel like it would be making a choice. i dont want to feel the pain of death so i dont do it. i dont believe there is a grand purpose to my life. i am pretty normal, have plenty of friends, and i have somewhat of a future. i dont like the idea of my future. im going to have a miserable job, making money to pay for a life […]

Maybe I will get sleep..Maybe my nightmares will take a break..Oh fuck..who am I kidding? They never will. Off to bed without sleep.

I have had a really rough night..I was relaxed almost all day. Then I got home and my mom started bitching at me and now I just wanna sleep and cry..

I got my stuff back from Dean today..It hurt like hell but now maybe I can put the past behind me and move on. Try to focus on ways to make myself happy.

Now I am just wondering..I can’t cut anymore it’s to noticeable when I am home in shorts and short sleeve shirts..Is there a better place to hide it other then my wrist or a different way to let out my emotional pain […]

I show all the symptoms. I try to tell someone…but nobody listens. So why talk anymore? I’m done. I thought MAYBE I would find a reason to stay…MAYBE someone would actually want me here…but MAYBE is just a word people use when they don’t want to face the truth. I’m better off dead. That’s the truth. Nobody cares. I’m done using all these maybes…..it’s time for me to face reality. And in reality…nobody cares…you walk around with scars and people just point, laugh, and judge. So tell me…when everything you ever cared about has been taken away and nobody cares about you…why do you stay? […]

Every time I cut I thought that I would be able to stop whenever I wanted. Once I tried to stop, though, I realized that I’ll never be able to escape the burning, desperate urge to harm my own body.

Hello there idiot that’s wasting their time reading this. By commenting pretending that “you care” your also wasting your time. So don’t bother, just read it, that’s all I ask of you…

My story?
Hmm.
I’ll never trust anyone anymore, especially if they say they “care”. It’s a lie when they say that, because in the end almost every fucks you over, except those few that are worth keeping, so far I’ve found one worth keeping around, he does care, but he lives almost 300 miles away. I wish he lived closer, be with him.. Would be like being able to walk on water, he makes me feel […]

You told me I could “trust” you, and that you “cared”. But you just fucked me over. I honestly thought you were different, but you proved me wrong. I actually kinda loved you.. I don’t know why. It hurts..alot, to think about all of this. I don’t get why I care.. Your one of the biggest lying douchebags I’ve ever met. You “loved” me? Now you tell me you just wanted to get in my pants because I’m hot? No thanks. That’s the biggest douchbag move you could’ve pulled. What pisses me off most is that you turned Austin against me. Thanks. Really appreciate it. […]

It seems I am only gonna get four hours of peace
a day from the crushing weight of this depression
that wants to consume me and crumble me to a pulp!

4 hrs of no stressing, no panic, no feelings of disorientation
and I am grateful for those 3 to 4 hours that I am not consumed
with these feelings and crazy thoughts, when I am fooled that
all is right with my world.

What changes, what alters, to make it go from life is okay to all is shit in my world???
A person can only take so much of this before they snap!!!!
No end […]

http://suicideproject.org/chatroom/

I’ve fallen. And I feel worthless. And unloved. I’ve consdered drugs. I look fat and ugly. And I’ve lost anyone I’ve ever cared about. I want to let go. I don’t know how much longer I can hold on…I don’t care about anything anymore. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it…but I’m sure it’s gonna happen.