http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tyn6qcQt3QA

I love that song so much. I doubt any of you will the take the time to listen to it though, Maybe when I’m gone? A beautiful little reminder of the not so beautiful Natalya….

Damn those full stops  Fucking OCD. Speaking of which, Today I nearly shouted at the air to stop touching me. I physically had to stop myself. This started when I looked up the side effects of the Anti-depressant I have been prescribed. I had a ‘mini’ (Lol) Breakdown and developed a small fear of people touching me. I avoided everyone last lesson and walking home…. Which was kinda hard considering I […]

I tried overdosing on painkillers last year. I mixed the pills up with water to make swallowing easier, and drank so much of that stuff I couldn’t forcefully swallow any more. Naturally, it didn’t work.

My family was somewhat critical of my decision, but really just thought it was all a joke. At one point my sister had to hold herself back from laughing while I was in hospital. So I’m here now. I don’t want to be depressed, I’m not one for half measures. If I’m in school, I want to excel and live and be content, not even necessarily happy. But if I’m depressed like I […]

The times when you’re in public and you can feel the tears coming and knowing that you can’t cry in front of your friends because they stopped caring months ago. Knowing that I’m literally the only one who still knows that I want to die. They don’t care. No one cares. I want more than anything on this planet to die. I sit in bed at night hoping, praying to a god that I don’t believe in that I will be hit by a truck or get terminal cancer so I don’t have to be blamed for my own death. I want this endless suffering […]

There, I just wanted to say that ‘out loud’.

You know when people ask you “how are you” (something that happens all the time) and you all you can say is fine/not too bad/I’ve got a cold? Well, what I want to say is that I feel awful. I have a growing sense of hopelessness/helplessness/self-loathing  and it’s swallowing me up – suicidal thoughts are with me more and more.

It’s not imminent yet but I feel like I’m orbiting a black hole and it’s a matter of time.

Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child
See heaven’s got a plan for you
Don’t you worry, don’t you worry now
Yeah!

Read more: SWEDISH HOUSE MAFIA – DON’T YOU WORRY CHILD LYRICS

I have the perfect life. the loving mother, the adorable sisters and the caring friends. what was wrong was always with me.
I hated my dad, he practically abandonned me, its a long story that i dont feel like talking about because ive finaly gotten over it. everytime i was angry, even if it wasnt because of him, i would always end up cursing his name. but then i learned that whole reason he broke his promises, never called and abandonned was because he was scared of my mom. he had such of a vivid image in his head of my mom as a monster […]

I have seen www.metanoia.org/suicide/ about 4 or 5 years ago. Seen it 2 years later and i read it again today. Thoughts of killing myself are returning. I married 2 years ago and it’s going downhill about 6 months after i got married. My partner was always questioning my way of doing things, my likes, my passions. My being started to battle inside and i didn’t know what i must be or become to make others happy. I just want to be in my home alone. Dont want to talk to people. They always let me down. I’ve been taking depression pills about 1 year […]

Hello, Im Tasha Thomas. I’m 14 and a freshman in high school. One day I was walking to my locker and two girls (classmates) stopped and stared and laughed at me. I couldn’t think of what they were laughing about. They continued doing that the rest of the day. I used one of my coping skills and just ignored all of it. A week later I got a text from a random number. It said the word “cuts.” I ignored it and went to school and not just the two girls but all the girls just stared at me. I couldn’t help but walk away […]

I’m back in one of those crappy cycles again. Difficult sleep, can’t cum without a lot of work, and overall I’m numb, short tempered, tired all the time. Just want it all to stop.

I never realized how far I had fallen until I glanced at the table next to me, and there lay the razor I used to cut myself, the pen I shoved down my throat to vomit what little food I had, and the mostly empty bottle of vodka I had been drinking……..all in a row.

Ok i know this is long but can you PLEASE jusr read all of this and shoot me a comment? It doesnt have to be life changing or anything i just wanna be heard but i do prefer life hanging comments. Well jeres my awkward story. It probably doesnt make mucH sense but whatever.please help me.

It all just hurts. Ive been ignoring my depression for a long time and ive felt empty which is definitely better than depression. But then i heard one of my friends attempted suicide. I wanted to help, but when i got back into talking about it it was like i […]

Well. Venturing here on SP for a few months has really been the saving grace for me. I came here on the lowest of lows, where I was on the verge of suicide, almost about to do it coming across the long helium hood post that midnight and reading the whole thing I decided to take a chance on this website posting my story I had never shared with anyone else but 1 person but I don’t know. I try to tell myself no but sometimes I wonder if she’s the reason I’m here or not, but that’s a different story. After getting numerous responses, […]

i’m to the point where i don’t see any reason to try..every time i do i just get shot down and it gets me no where. i am ready to give up but then i think of my little sister..it kills me, i do all i can to make the people around me happy but not one of them can even return the favor a tiny bit..i’m just about done. </3

I don’t have any motivation to do anything anymore. I use to think about suicide a lot, since I was in High school. It made me so happy just thinking about it. I have never harmed myself intentionally, but now I am in community college since I couldn’t focus in high school. I feel even shittier, I’m failing everyone of my classes. I always daydream that I was alone in a house overlooking a jungle. I just wish I could pay attention, and participate in the classroom discussion. I just hate how I am complaining even though there are people out there worse than me. […]

Bald tires on truck? Done.
Rain in the forecast? Not yet.
Can’t seem to catch a break with ANYTHING.
At least it will look like an accident…

Before 2003, my life was ideal. My parents loved me, loved each other, loved my sister. I loved me, I loved my parents, I loved my sister. I didn’t have a care in the world. I thought my life was bad back then, but now, I would give anything to get it back. Because shortly after my fifth birthday, everything turned to shit.

My parents got divorced out of no were. My and my sister has no warning, but of course we didn’t; we were four and five years old! It wasn’t really the divorce that made me so distraught, but what happened to my mother […]

I think God has to exist. Everything we stand for as humans is contradicted if God doesn’t not exist. It would literally be the most depressing thing ever.

If I’m thinking of committing suicide or anyone else for that matter is it that wrong to pray for me or someone else? Pray to God even if i don’t truly believe in Him or if i really do.

I like most of you find myself alone. I’ve found myself caught in tar trap. Fighting for a reason to surface.. Only to drown yet again..

But this… This one, is for Darcy..

D– Is for the demons, she hides with every blink. For every day she spends awry, with too much pain to even think.

A– For the angel watching her from above. With the warmth of a baby’s laughter and a mother’s love.

R– Is for remember, for that is what I’ll do. I don’t know what I’d do; with only memories of you.

C– For her care that makes ones mind go racing. I know tomorrow will be […]

I feel like I’m drowning right now. The last few months I have been desperatley grabbing onto anything. Anything at all, just small tiny things to keep me from going under. I’ve been really utilizing denial and distraction. Ultimatley this just sets me up for giant meltdowns.  I know what needs to be done. It’s like a splinter in my brain. The outcome is becomming increasingly obvious. If my life was a book or movie, you wouldn’t have to finish it. My life has been a shitty melodramatic indie film. Not the type that wins sundance awards. Just a crappy, badly scripted and acted film. I’ve […]

I posted a little while back about my situation, and I am realizing that not only is my depression linked to my tattoos (I have so many) it is a chemical imbalance that I did not believe in for so long. I masked my depression, bipolar, ocd, and whatever else the doctors say I have with booze and drugs for so long that these past 4  years of sobriety has been hell without my usual coping method.  My depression has gotten worse with each year, and this past one has been a nightmare.  6 psych wards and hours in counseling, all the different meds, ECT, […]