Today i have been released from hospital.After 2 weeks of hardship and suffering.I have a chronic heart disease that neither can be detected nor has a cure(i suppose).It sucks but i don’t worry about it.Iam worried about my mom and dad.I don’t want to make them sad.Huh….after all iam a loser.From childhood i was weird.weird in looks(i mean ugly),weird character,weird nature and weird attitude.I eat less,talk less,laugh less and blah blah……n a cry baby too.During my elementry school i had a very hard time in adjusting myself with others.I was afraid.Many of my seniors take the advantage of my attitude and used to tease me […]

been a while since Iv’e posted its probably because I have been holding it in so long…. still no luck…still want to just die….before I sleep its my prayer to just not wake up at all…I don’t see a point in continuing this. People hate me,but not as much as I hate myself and its even worse now i’m unable to share this with anyone anymore. this is probably the only place I could …with strangers who care even less about me. I never asked for this life but why is it i’m not allowed to end it? whatever…why is that people or cruel but when you express how […]

Long awaited, I can’t tell you how long I have anticipated this post. My scars are fading. But some will always remain. It’s just a reminder of how weak I truley am. Everyday, the only thing rooting my mind is when and where I will finally be able to break it and cut again. It’s driving me crazy. Everyone thinks I’m fine and happy though. Everyone thinks I’m okay since I went to the Mental Hospital. I told everyone I wasn’t suicidal. I regret lying. I’m just waiting of when to do it. It all started with my father. He betrayed my mother and I. […]

It would be nice if it went away forever. There would be no me to even appreciate that it had ceased. I no longer want to care about being enough for them. No longer want to care that they always manage to come out on top and its like I am cursed to play out this pattern time in, time out. Even when I dont like them that much at first, I still get attached, and they lose interest, and then find something better. I no longer want to try and figure out why this is happening to me. I no longer want to find […]

Smoked some weed and now I feel really depressed. I usually don’t get depressed when I smoke, but I ended up focusing on my BDD issues and now I feel horrible. I’m probably going to kill myself after I leave my mom’s house, because I don’t want to do it with my little brother and sister around. I wish I could do it sooner, though. I’m out of hope. I have these freakishly tiny hands, and I don’t care how stupid it sounds to other people, I feel like a freak 🙁

I am so fucking tired of breathing!

Some suffered abuse(emotional, physical). Some lost their jobs, family, girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands. Some can’t get a mere job. Some have been diagnosed with sicknesses(terminal, mental, selfhurt,etc). Some are homeless. Some teen got dumped by their 2weeks/2years/7years bf or gf. Someone fail in everything they do(Low grades, no college, bad @ sport). Someone is on drugs. All these are a few but they can individually or combined drive you to suicide.

There is no sufficient or insufficient reason to commit suicide anything can drive you to it. So let’s be careful on our comments on other people suicide stories. Whether you want to help a […]

I woke up from a dream a few hours ago.  Em started dancing with me, almost like ballroom dancing. Now that I think of it, it was more like the lifts of ice skaters. I moved around and above her, liquid or like the wind. All of it was effortless. The distorted physics in my dreams give me an ethereal glimpse into living without the physical constraints of a body.

Dreaming is my favorite thing to do. It is my favorite part of being alive. Even nightmares offer me solace. I love being part of an interactive story that my mind has plotted out for me… […]

is it possible to get better? or are we all ruined destroyed and broken

Why was I born?
Why do people call us a “freak”?
Why are there monsters?
Why do people pass notes about other people?
Why do I act so….unmature than others?
Why Am I worth nothing more than a peice of shit?
Why Do I cut myself?
Why do people cry?
Why do people think I am fucked up?
Why do people pity me?
Cant they just end my life ad move on? Everyone would be alot happier…..Even I would be happy for once…….

bad night
slit myself up enough to breathe again
laying in bed in my freezing cold room,
in my empty apartment

dont move
dont sleep
just smoke and listen to things that keep me calm

i don’t know why i’m posting this here,
i just feel really fucking alone
i push everyone away, then complain when they leave
i hate this

“this weather has me wanting love more tangible,
something i can hold,
it’s gettin’ cold”

6-8 weeks after the hospital contacts you, which is 2 weeks after your doctor submits a referral, a week after your appointment that you scheduled a month before that, you’ll be able to see a psychiatrist.

im waiting for the call to find out if it’s 6 or 8 weeks til my appointment, but i don’t see how i can make it that long.

every morning is a struggle, every day is torture, every night i think about how badly i don’t want to do it again.

haha, fuck, i sound so useless, i can hear myself thinking it and there’s a part of me laughing at how […]

I’ve gone through this site a bit.

I decided to join because it looks like there’s some hints of people succeeding.

I’ve never managed to complete an exit. I’ve tried to overdose, and hang myself, but somewhere along the way I get scared- I text someone I know in the back of my mind will come, or call someone who will. Someone who will talk me out of it and take care of me for a while.

Last time I overdosed I was  stuck in kid mode. For a month my boyfriend got me dressed in the morning, made me eat breakfast, walked me to my lectures to […]

I’m aching.
Life was falling apart in the summer. Horribly. I was seriously suicidal. I hoped everything would get better. Finally, the black cloud lifted from over my head and even when stuff was sad, I was ok. But it’s back. My mom has stage 4 breast cancer. She’s going to die. My dad is a jerk. And I’m almost out of the house anyway (university in a year) but I have young siblings. They need a mom.
Right now everything just hurts. I’m stressed with school, (I need high grades, I do well enough to get a 97 in Philosophy, but my English teacher […]

i fucked  up bad. really bad. i slit my hand open  and its really deep. i didnt mean to. i swear. it was an accident, i didnt mean to go that deep….oh man what gonna do? i need stitches, the bleading has stopped but it needs to be stitched. oh my God. fuck man, fuck. I cant bring myself to go tell my mom what ive done….fuck. why do i do this to myself

all you guys just stop with this… stop looking for attention or looking people to say they care, this is all silly. There people out there willing to help you. You killing yourself because you to lazy go seek for help so you do it on here so you do not show yourself… really just stop this get you ass up and seek for help instead sitting there crying

I’ve got a secret…

I’ve lived with this empty void inside for as long as I can remember. Truly hating life and the people in it. It got worse when not only did I find out the love of my life commited suicide.. She was pregnant.. With another mans child. I also lost my mother emotionally to Heroin..

What’s my secret?…

Saving a life.. Getting to know you all personally.. Doing everything in my power to make an impact on a broken heart, and torn soul.. It keeps my mind off me..

So next time you can… Just say hi to someone. Means the world to me. I’m sure […]

Happy birthday to you.

In about 2 hours.

I wish I could have been there for your 16th birthday.

Your mom called me and asked me to go.

But I just can’t.

I know I’ll leave in tears.

I miss you.

Happy birthday.</3

I have one again cut mself……..As a 7th grader it finally got to the point where I just couldnt take it…….I ave cut myself because it makes a scar of……..sorrow,greed,and pain……….But at the point where i just cant take it is when I fell up the stairs yesterday….yes I know you are probably thinking, What the fuck? She fell UP the stairs? Wow such a loser!……… I am such a fail……..the reason I fell up the stairs is because my, so called “bestfriend”, pushed me then laughed. It crushed me so much I felt like I wanted to cry, then die, then die in […]

i have been thinking for a while and i have stopped myself alot and i do have the support of everyone here to help me but i am sick of everyone at school and how they judge but i keep telling myself just wait one more day and every thing is going to be fine. i do my best too keep going but i see less and less of a point too keep going so i start too give up on the little things school work, how i look, finding friends, keeping my room clean. i realize that education is my ticket out of the house […]