So this week has been pure shit. I mean, Suicidal thinking shit. Obviously.

First, I just haven’t been my self this week. I’ve been a blend of the the bad Nat’s that we know and love :3 Secondly, Thursday was 27/9/12 (The ‘day’ that the voices have been talking about for months) Nothing bad happened on that day because I didn’t go into school… Friday however was by far the worst day of the week.

So Friday- Woke up feeling okay, did all my routines. Did break down a bit third lesson but I brought myself back from it. Cue fourth lesson. I got a facebook message […]

I’m in terrible pain. For the last 20 years, I have always had thoughts of suicide, but for one reason or another, didn’t do it. I have been miserable since high school. I have always been a loser, who was told so by his father, then his grandmother and by all his so-called friends who do nothing more than use me. I am nothing more than pen, when the ink runs dry, I’m discarded. Right now, I’m totally broke, have no friends and feel like I have nothing to live for. I’m beginning to lose my fear of taking the ultimate step. A few years […]

I’m 17  years old and i really want to die right now. As a child i was sexually abused by my uncle. My dad is a jerk. My mom is a control freak. She wants me to do things that I don’t love. I even cried in front of her for like 10x already. I begged her many times that I really want to do what I love. They are all the same my grandma, uncles, aunts. My friends they just love me for my money. I was bullied in school for being ugly. I have low self esteem. I really want to make some […]

Whoever came up with the idea of society should be tarred and feathered. The jackass has, by proxy, ruined my life. To be fair to the inventor of society, I did contribute to the screwing-up-of-my-life, but society is like a rusty bear-trap; once you make a mistake, you’re caught, and you have to gnaw off your foot to escape from it.

And of course, the ignoramuses in the world all band together to chide on about how it’s solely your fault, despite the fact that you never opted to participate in the social contract. It was forced on you at birth. Questioning that is like […]

I can only suppress my emotions for so long and after a while the drinking, cutting and pill swallowing wear off and I’m left to face my demons. question is for how much longer?

I have a normal life. A mother and family who loves me. And I am so utterly sad. My childhood was a mess of beating and abuse from my schoolteachers. My little brother and best friend died. I crave sympathy and the shock on people’s faces. I do nothing but sit around and feel sorry for myself. I am pathetic, I am a fool, a selfish, ungrateful, self centered loser who cannot commit to anything. I am 15 and I want to die already. My father is whining pile of sh*t that I hate. He is evil and I see him every day. I cut […]

Been preoccuppied with sp chat and FBSP rather than the original. My old home. I have endured much in my past i jsut want out. I need a gun. Fast. My moms boyfriend wants to take me to mexico so we could shoot guns and shoot drug dealers cuz i want the army to “shoot people”. I want to off myself is the real reason. I am triggered by special phrases that fuck me over most of the time. Whats going on? almost always triggers the voices especially when im insane from 12-4 am… I started crying right now cuz of the voices coming back […]

Wounds aren’t so easily healed, especially when struck by those closer than others. Goodbye

Hi
i really can’t stop planning my own death. I am unhappy,sad,lonely.
My mind is full of regrets. I am crying as i am writing. It just sucks being me

I once knew a piper,
He danced to his own tune,
Got bit by a viper,
Got caught up in his doom,
Don’t we all know a piper,
Who got bit by a viper,
Dancing to tunes,
In the middle of our rooms,
And I need a cappuccino,
Don’t touch my oregano,
Or I’ll kick you where,
The sun don’t shine.
And those two lines,
Didn’t fucking rhyme,
Oh, well.

I know. I has skills at the poetries.

I am 27. And I havent accomplished anything in all this time.

Two years ago I attempted to kill myself, and obviously I failed. I got caught and then I was forced to talk to people, who told me that life was worth living, that suicide wasn’t the answer, that I should try harder, that my life would have some purpose. Two years later, and its still the same. The thought of death haunts me more often.

I keep pretending I’m so happy and ok, but this mask is fading away and I cannot keep it up, the truth is that I am slipping away, the truth is […]

I spend my free time in my room playing games and listening to the spirits speak to me.  They aren’t any kinder than my cruelest bullies, so it isn’t much fun.

I do okay in school in a tough major, but sometimes everything gets to be too much.

I just want to lay my head on the train tracks nearby.  It seems just as good a choice as any.

reading a lot of posts on here lately (i’m around, even if i don’t comment, i don’t like trying to offer advice when i don’t have any), seems like some of this site has degenerated into the petty bullshit that communities always do. just goes to show that even the most superficial of relationships break down in destructive ways. there’s no point in trying to connect with anyone, really.

anyway i noticed that most people say that this is a community of people who are at their end… people who have made multiple attempts, people who have been with depression for a long time. now i […]

Tonight I am 12 years old and 5 months and some days old
Tonight I might end it
Tonight I may take some pills
Tonight I will probably get chronic organ disorders
Tonight I cut Myself
Tonight I dream about Happiness
Tomarrow I will wake up fine or with regret
In a week I will be in school, Sad with mixed emotions
In a mouth my good friends will be my worst enimes
In a year I will be closer to death
In a life time I will be dead, Happy
But
Tonight I will be dreaming about Ethan, oh how I love him,he is […]

This weight is crushing me…. i can’ t keep this facade up any longer

I’m so weak. No wonder I’m alone… fuck it, where’s my blade.

don’t judge….atleast it takes this pain away

I have posted a random topic that has nothing to do with anything – save for expressing my general attitude, and containing a song which keeps me afloat and not hacking at my wrists with a bandsaw.

I are so bad.

I are needing a spanking.

Any volunteers?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBLENB3CasQ

What’s Destiny? To me, it’s the thing that gets formed by every choice we ever make, and everybody’s destiny is intertwined and if one person messes up their own life, it’ll affect everybody else. Maybe like the butterfly/hurricane theory? Dunno.. Just wanna hear someone’s opinion.

On September 29, 2010, three young teens took their lives.

Asher brown, age 13, shot himself.

Ramond Chase, age 19, hung himself in his dorm room.

And Seth Walsh, age 13, hung himself.

Please remember these names as you go throughout your day.

Generally, I’m willing to help people.

But I’m losing that now.

Do people really need me anymore? I tried ending it all last night, but it didn’t work.

Generally, I want to help you all and I most of the time try to make people feel better, but not today.

If anyone needs to talk, they can email me.

It’s brl.cents@gmail.com

I’ll try to be kind to you.