an old friend asked me why i was “still with it” when he saw my scars and i joked that i didn’t drink enough.

i’m sick of long sleeves.

i’m sick of scabs.

does anyone here know a good substitute?

i’ve ripped paper and thrown ice cubes, gone for walks and runs and paced and called friends, nothing i’ve tried calms me down like a box cutter.

i’m a terribly, terribly obsessive person, and i’ve got an image stuck in my head and i haven’t been able to shake it for weeks.

SOS

every time i close my eyes, i see my wrist gashed open.

i’m so sick of cutting and so unable […]

someone tell me im in a crazy dream and none of this is real
someone tell me i’ll wake up and realize this is fake
i wanna believe that i actually have a family
i wanna believe that im not a suicidal teen
i wanna believe in something new
someone give me something to believe in before i give up

I just want to scream at the school and say ‘FUCK THE SYSTEM! FUCKING LETTER GRADES SHOULD NOT CONTROL MY LIFE AND MAKE ME FEEL MORE DEPRESS!’

I think of all the relationships I do not have, the lack of love. I can feel my own heart completely overflowing with love for so many things, I find it so easy to love. So why is it so hard for me to feel loved by somebody else? Ive forgotten what it feels like to look into someones eyes and know they love me, to hear someone tell me they love me and believe it, to be held and feel comforted by it. I look around me and it seems to be everywhere. Couples, kids and their parents, siblings, best friends. Everyone has this […]

I’m unsure of what to expect as I haven’t been on a forum like this before, however I can’t sleep as usual so I thought.. why not try… so here goes…
Around 8 years ago this is where I was…

I had a full-time job, I liked it and the people were great, a few years later I found a second job.. I joined the retained fire brigade.. I never thought it possible, everything was going better than I could have ever hoped. I believe I truly was happy then. Things just continued to get better and better as time moved on, around a year later I […]

I’m getting beter. At least I hope so. I think I am though. The thoughts aren’t as often, the pain isn’t as heavy. I laugh more, I smile more, and less and less of them are fake. I’ve been learning to talk about my feelings. To let people help. And for the first time in a while I love life. I haven’t been able to truthfully say that for as long as I can remember. I feel infinite. Just like the leaves, I’m changing and turning into a more colorful beautiful me. I’m just hoping, like the leaves, I won’t fall and be forgotten.

sooo everyone i know has a best friend, their sidekick and vice versa and it makes me feel so horrible that i dont have one….i miss the goodays when life was good and i had friends that cared about me. i dont want this life anymore im so lonly and noone even notices let alone care. i miss going on outtings with friends and just being crazy and now im stuck at home while their having fun with their friends because they moved on with their life and dont need me anymore. i want to disinigrate fromt his earth andhave noone remember me.

I hate when people look at me.

Even a glance.

Just a peek.

I hate it.

I feel like they can see right through me.

Like they are judging me.

I wish I could put a paper bag over my head.

Or a mask over my face.

I feel like people are laughing at me.

I feel like people whisper about me.

I hate when people look at me.

I feel like they are thinking how ugly I am.

I feel like they are thinking bad things about me.

I […]

I don’t know what..

But something is wrong.

I can’t stop shaking.

I can’t eat.

I feel like I’m slowly dying.

It all happened out of the blue..

I don’t know what to do.

I think something is wrong..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B6AZvtUEQS0

shes lost and dont know what to do.. shes lost all her loved ones . grandpa in december other grandpa 3 months later.. a child 3 months later and the man she fell in love with left her.. whats the next 3 months gonna be like? shes scared and just wants to leave and have nothing to worry about anymore .. be in her grandpas arms just laughing how can life treat her like this? shes tired and ready to leave… be free like a bird..

Every day I wake up to put on a mask. No one will see me. Even as the mask falls do they care. No. Now your just weird. But your not. You try to tell them, but all they hear is complaints. You just keep it all in because you know you mean nothing. No one cares. You hide it. There’s no one to talk to no where to let it out at home it’s all screams. At school you pretend to stay hidden so no one can see you. You ware a long sleeve shirt or a hoodie to try […]

I wish pencil can make me bleed. Bleed out the negative shit that people say. You know! The shit that gets stuck in your head! I feel like everyone’sagainst me. Scratch that. I know it. But I can’t make myself bleed at school. That’s because I don’t have the things to do it. But I can try. Go harder and harder . Deeper and deeper. I WILL strike blood. And hopefully  stop the pain inside. I don’t want people to know. Keep it a secret. The pain a secret. My tears a secret. The pencil that I’m suppost do math with a secret. And the […]

I’m not going to make this poetic, I’m just going to be straight and explain how I feel and what I’ve tried.

I’m 19 years old and the last time I talked to a doctor to be prescribed medication for my “mild-moderate” depression was about half a year ago.

I tried fluoxetine (prozac) for quite some time, but ended up feeling less and less, which I noticed and depressed me further, so after some months of use I eased myself off it.

Now, last year was the best and worst year of my life. I met a girl, early on in uni who I liked and befriended, nothing […]

All my parents do is yell at each other bottle it up and take it out on me. All I’ve I just want to run its all I’ve ever wanted to do get away from them.

I’m tired of nothing working right for me.

I’m tired of my life being so shitty.

I’m tired of having no one.

I’m tired of forever battling with my emotions and with depression.

And I’m tired of trying.

Broken silence,

Screams of defiance,

screaming again

Crowded inside,

my brain is purged

Of Feeling and Heart,

Submerged

Derailed, defiled, and fragmented

Mistaken as demented,

instead of tormented

Missing pieces,

missing links

Jailed,

I’m frail

in this thinking

Jailed,

I’ve failed

The walls are shrinking.

Can’t run away,

Can’t run towards.

Stuck in silence.

Broken silence.

I stopped caring.

I stopped loving.

I stopped worrying.

I stopped asking.

I stopped playing.

I stopped taking my medication.

I stopped talking to my friends.

I stopped..

I think my friend might be dead.. she send me “prob won’t text back ever sick of this shite bye”..
I’m so fucking worried crying my eyes out.. if I go to school tomorrow and shes not in its goodbye. FINALLY
I am so fucking scared with no way of contacting her.#help
tomorrow will decide my fate.

I wanna hide.

From everyone.

My friends.

My Family.

My enemies.

I wanna hide from the world.

I never wanna show my face again.

I wanna stay in a dark room.

And never come out.

I wanna be alone..forever.