I’ve always managed my depression very well. But recently over the last 4 months I have just seemed to sink lower and lower. Now I know it probably hasn’t helped I’ve bottled up my feelings in the past.
But anyway the main problem is I’ve lost my smile, confidence and my ability to interact socially.
See about ten years ago I was a very recluse person and if I did go out I was always a loner. Then I met my best mate and he brought the best out of me.
Now ten years later he now lives in a different town and I’ve started […]

I have attempted suicide twice. Once by hanging and once by pills and alcohol.

Both times I saw it as the only way to end the pain of being alive, of living my life, with my thoughts and my ideas of my future.

And both times I was radically incorrect about how my life would turn out. As I write this I am only now aware of that. I was so totally wrong about how things would play out for me, of all the joys and experiences I would have, of the love I would feel, of the ups that would somehow manifest themselves. If I had […]

it all started in 6th grade. i was bullied, my grandpa died, and other stupid stuff. im now in 8th grade, and i have strongly considered suicide around 11 times. couldnt God give me a break?!!?!?!? im only 14!!!!!!!!!! when your heart just feels so overwhelmed that you cant bare it any longer. i put a smile on my face everyday at school. thats just not something you want people to go around knowing. i got two really close friends. i just always felt guilty, them thinking they knew me, but they didn’t at all. they thought i was always happy and bubbly. guilt built up inside […]

The world is a horrible place, and I learnt very young, that the world can take that all away from you in a single whim.
But there were people who loved me.
& that was enough to save my life.

To me, life was an incandescent glow of pure hatred and envy.
It didn’t matter if my mother was dead or alive, because nobody cared.
& like every other life, the world would move on, and I will become nothing but an unwritten part of history.
Every day was painfully alike. Made up of an accumulation of insignificant moments.
Brushing my teeth, combing my hair, getting teased and beaten; all these moments, all these tiny deeds that have accumulated and has become what is now my life.
And each day I would wait, and think that there was a reward waiting for me in the […]

http://blogs.scientificamerican.com/bering-in-mind/2010/10/20/being-suicidal-what-it-feels-like-to-want-to-kill-yourself/

It’s really goddamn familiar, huh? I guess we could all stand to stop creating or internalizing unrealistic standards for ourselves and our lives… Which is harder than it sounds, for me anyway.

One more thing I stumbled on recently that I thought was interesting: antinatalism, the belief that life should not be brought into existence. They say they don’t approve of suicide, but I see a connection. Regardless–hear, hear!

By the way, I’m so fickle about life… I am back to suicidal ideation again because two leads I had for jobs no longer seem as promising. Having a liberal arts degree in this economy is such a […]

Is there anyone from the Scandinavia or so?

I need someone to talk or write with. I’m a daily cutter and i hate my life. (Btw, i’m a boy. 21 yo)

If anyone does, just type their email please.

Thank you for your attention and time.

My mother left my father when I was 2 years old. He was an alcoholic and used to be a little violent against my mother.

I’m turning 24 this year.

My father has changed. He doesn’t have a problem with the alcohol now, he drinks, but not every day. He is well now.
He always send me gifts. Birthdays and christmas. This christmas he called me. He’s done it before. We talk, and I love it. Everytime he calls, after we hung up I cry for hours. I so badly want to have a relationship with him, but I’m a coward. I live in another town, so […]

i am a simple teenager suffering from epolepsy with weed smoking parents and being bullied 24/7  at school i am on psn (ALPHA_96_2K11 if u want to add me ) and i hav a wonderful gf but she has serious anger problems and she mostly takes the anger out on me so and at school i hav no time to concentrate and my xmas exams were sh*t and with the juniour cert coming up  i just dont see no point no more so at the end of it i hav made 2 choices for myself either kill 1 of my bullies ,get sent to jail […]

Im having mixed emotions on if i want to die.or not i mean my head is telling me that i need to but my heart is telling me to keep fighting but im tired ive fought all that i can.fight i just dont know what to do

It has come to the point where I am about to give up! no one loves me or needs me! The one person I actually loved and thought loved me and cared, just leaves me 🙁 I was never meant to be here! never meant to live! I cant handle life anymore! It is bad enough! Being diagnosed with 2 types of cancer in 2 months and my half sister has cancer! I have no point in staying here, there is no reason to live through all this pain! My heart feels like it was punched and now its hurt, bleeding, and in pain in […]

Ok here we go…this all started when i was 11 years old and all of the sudden evrything in my life just crashed. Well my life was always messed up since the start i never lived with my father and always stood with my grandma until my mom found a guy and forced me to live with them but then when i was 11 this “great” guy my mom loved even more that herself or me i guess just decided to go away leaving my mom pregnant and paying for our new house and car, just left her alone we lost our car and almost […]

I bought all the stuff for two methods yesterday.  It’s sitting in the car outside. Now I clean, and try to write casual loving notes to the people who will miss me.   I don’t feel lost. . or anxious.  I downloaded my favorite movie to watch.  I feel calm.  just a lot to do today, so that things are as in order as they can be. . I would love for the authorities to find me, and not someone I care about. . but haven’t figured that part out yet.  workin on it.  The sense of relief I feel. . knowing that I will […]

Have you ever gotton lost in a terrible thought?

Have you ever had a hard time trying not to cry?

Have you ever thought you were weak for wanting death more than anything else?

Yes, and it’s not easy at all. Have you?

work and play have lost all meaning. The barriers between personal and professional life have shattered. It’s all the same crap now, junk that’s in between me and non-existence. I work and play but don’t put my heart into anymore; nothing feels good. I am Anhedonia.

I can’t live like this, my life is not so bad that I have any “good” reason to kill myself but it’s not good in any way either. It’s been good but I don’t enjoy things.

I can go home after working and sedate myself and do it all over again but why??! FUCK! Friends don’t mean much to me […]

I don’t want to live anymore, but at the same time I’m just so scared of dying. I’ve never tried to commit suicide before but I have been thinking about it for awhile now. It’s like my whole life is just a one big mistake. Almost every classmate of mine hates me and I don’t even know why, I’ll never be good enough for my parents, it seems like all they want is for me to be perfect but I can’t give them that. I’m failing school and my parents are mad at me for that, they think that I’m not even trying but I […]

My feelings about suicide after a beloved family member took their own life in 2012.

Happier […]

I was randomly going through old poems and found this one I wrote one time on coke. It compares someone who used to be my friend, with myself. How she became homeless, and how it sucks both figuratively and literally. I named it “Drug Trip”. Fitting?

The world spins round
The clouds fall to the ground
Life stops, then starts again in secret
Hide life in the shaddows and watch it dissapear
Return to the light and fade away
Forget the dark, misfit the light, fall
She’s all alone, she hits the bone
Pierces through every nerve
Fall to the ground
Pretend the darkness doesn’t bound
You […]

Thanks for making me take a lil time to consider my decision. Was nice to see a couple loved ones past couple weeks.

goodbye

About four years ago, my life fell apart with no catalyst. I suddenly realised just how futile my existence was. I was in a job I didn’t enjoy that fed nothing but the pockets of some well seated theatre types, I lived on my own and was miles away from any of my friends. All of my life I’ve felt I’ve never really contributed to anything, materially, socially or emotionally. I was utterly isolated and I knew nobody missed me. Right now, I’m in a different job, living in a flat with a friend who, since moving in with me, has made it patently clear that […]