Im now in the process of ordering a ******** tank mostly for testing. I must say, it has been easy. Almost too easy, but i dont complain;=))

Right now the biggest worry is, that the flow fitting wont fit into the ******** tank. Im using a flow fitting from a Helium tank. A bit afraid that the pressure in the ******** tank is higher then in a Helium tank. However considering the tanks(wich the flow fittings are designed for)are the same size, and ******** and Helium are BOTH lighter then air, the chances of a “bad fit” are relatively small. Even if this fails i’ll still […]

So, yeah I was born to one of the most cruelest woman alive. I was adopted by another nasty woman. I do not know love nor was it ever extended to me. I made a serious mess of my life over the years, and I also turned into a cruel woman. However a year and a half ago I fell in love for the first time, well besides loving my kids, but anyways I fell in love with a man who loved me faults and all. Last July well my car was hit at 75 mph by a drunk driver, my fiance died, my 4 […]

I told a friend that I was having serious thoughts about killing myself. She told me not to contact her any more, and that maybe one day we could be friends again. I don’t know if I’ll be around if that day comes.

hi all. first post here. im feeling terrible today, and im realizing that ive spent my whole life unhappy. what a thought. every day, week, month, and year of my life has been spent feeling terrible. and i keep thinking one day it will change but it doesnt. i know a lot of you folks out there feel the same, but that only makes me sadder.

i wish things were somehow easier. i wish things would turn up. i wish for the freedom to heal, but im constantly between a rock and a hard place. and i cant get any help, not that anyone could help […]

i’ll be honest, i am trying to cope the best i am, but i have no human contact right now, and i was hoping people in the uk, or if anyone has an xbox (as its a free international call) would wanna have a chat? and i mean, about ANYTHING! or anyone in the bristol area or close, who would just wanna have  a drink?

When someone says, “Suicide Is A Selfish Act”, the first thing that probably pops into your head is, “Dude, you’re full of complete shit.”

Yea, that’s what I think too. But we think about it, and we realize that maybe suicide is a selfish act, because your family and friends are left hopeless with unbearable guilt and pain.

BUT, The ones that say “Suicide Is Selfish”, ARE selfish themselves. You know how? Because they’re thinking about themselves. All they care about is their feelings, not the one who took their own life. You know damn well that someone wouldn’t kill themselves just because they wanted to cause […]

You know how when you were a kid, nothing was that serious? You could do anything, and the world never would hurt a hair on your head. You were so energetic and ready for anything. Nothing ever really hurt, at least not as bad as it does now. Everything was basically perfect. Conformity didn’t exist, neither did pain, revenge, loss, anger, NOTHING. Everything was bright and pure. Then everything fades to black, and you think you’ve died and gone to hell. Now that I think about it, what is hell? Is hell now, or when you were a child? Being clueless about the world can […]

I have that feeling again. The one where you feel like you’re not really here, like you’re somewhere else. It’s not bad, it’s kind of euphoric. I feel like I could be anyone or anything I want, besides me. If I wanted to be a faerie, I could be a faerie. If I wanted to be a millionaire, I could be a millionaire. Rockstar, homeless person, drug dealer, holy roller, demon, vampire, whatever. Maybe this isn’t an out of body experience, maybe an Identity Crisis. Or maybe I’m going insane. Hell if I know. I’m always questioning my mind. Maybe because my problem isn’t that […]

Out mine window…
i see the moon.
As i think…
the moon is the mother
and the stars are her children.
Every fallen star i see…
it makes me cry.
Seeing a child…
fall away from their family.
Seeing how we humans
always make a wish upon it.
I see the moon…
fade upon the sky.
I see how strong it is
even when her children fall.
When they are not there
she shines bright.
As i look upon her…
it makes me smile
to see that she is not alone.
That one day…
i could be one of her children.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Here you go […]

Hello fey-rayen. Since I couldn’t email this to you since your e-mail (fey-rayen@gmail.com) apparently doesn’t exist, I thought I’d put it here.

Hi there fey, I don’t usually email people because I talk to them on the site, but you sounded desperate.

I know what its like to have a jealous family. When my mother got married to my father and left her home to make her own family, my mother’s siblings were cruel and bigoted. They spread bad, untrue rumours to people who gave job opportunities to my parents and caused my parents to have a hard time to find a job. I don’t know why […]

And All That Could Have Been-Nine Inch Nails

Alone I Break-KoRn

Snuff-Slipknot

Something I Can Never Have-Nine Inch Nails

Successful-Drake Ft. Trey Songz

Empty-Simply D4rk (Pronounced Simply Dark. It’s a british band, so kind different from the American way.)

My Love-Sia (Another British artist)

Breathe Me-Sia

Running Up That Hill-Placebo

I’m Lost Without You-Blink 182

Starin Down The Barrel Of A 45-Shinedown

Hurt-Nine Inch Nails

Fragile-Kerli

Hope you like these songs, I love them all.

“***** I’m gonna pick the world up and I’ma drop it on yo fuckin head!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Best lyric in music, besides, “Back off, I’ll take you on!!!! Headstrong to take on anyone!!!!!”

Who can tell me the names and artists of these amazing songs??

I feel like playing some music trivia to try and brighten things up. Please Play with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

In my 12 years of life I have never seen such an vulger scene as I have now. I cannot get the image of her trying to get him off. I didn’t care that he was trying to hurt me, I just cared that he hurt her. Without even a second thought he hurt her. It may have not been bad because he merely slapped her. But the look on her face will forever scar me. He was to strong to fight off so I let him hit me. It didn’t hurt the few times he hit me. I didn’t care that he was hurting […]

As i walk out the door
its dark and cold.
I just sit in the road
and gaze upon mine surroundings.
I hear the music play
as i look up the sky.
The fireflies fluttering
their small wings.
As their lights glow
brighting up the night.
I seem to be at ease and peace
as the night creatures
make their nosies
to the music.
As i hear a car…
driving fast over the speed limit…
the last thing i see
is the first bright star
hanging in the sky.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It seems tonight was the night
that i had deicide
to make a random poem…

Here in the bathroom with me are razor blades. Here is iodine to drink. Here are sleeping pills to swallow. You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be. Every time you don’t throw yourself down the stairs, that’s a choice. Every time you don’t crash your car, you reenlist.”- Chuck Palahniuk

First some background: I am 22, come from a poor country, born into a large, realtively wealthy family (compared to the surroundings). In that sense, i am actually a very lucky person, having both financial and family support available to me. Never had close friends, or many friends at that (they were considered my friends mostly by others, as I never felt a strong connection to anyone, especially family) .

I always showed a “normal” face to everyone (again, including family), trying to approximate what they would expect my responses would be to any situation, so as to avoid letting anyone know what I think at any […]