Experiencing doubt and anxiety with a dash of fatalism regarding recent developments.

It is foreseeable to continue through the next few months, but the thyroid script will run out and I will have no option but to take the lower dosage and then yet another stepped down dosage.

One step down in dosage results in a serious depressive state with suicidal ideology. It is impossible for me to conceive that I will be able to survive a second step down dose which is exactly what will happen.

Undoubtedly they will fail to see the redux in Levoxyl as the causative factor and will want to put […]

What is there to live for when life is completely rigged against us?

The rich always get richer, the middle class gets poorer, and the poor stay poor.

Rules, laws, everything- is designed to keep the masses sick, poor and enslaved.

If you are the top 20% of ppl, then you live great or pretty good lives (income >100K).

But for the rest of us- the bottom 80%, and especially the bottom 50% (ie HALF of us)- living paycheck to paycheck or close to (bottom 70%- ie a small disaster can know knock us out)- life is shit.

Just WTF is there to live for […]

Yes, it seems everyone in power is a PEDO.

Yes, it seems everyone in power is EVIL.

Pedos in music industry too, not just in Hollywood. Not just in fashion industry. They’re everywhere where there’s beautiful people. And don’t forget the Catholic Church- the ORIGINAL Pedos. I’m sure all the other religions are the same- the ppl in power are always the most rotten and evil, despite it being all about love and kindness and forgiveness. Hm…makes you wonder WHY they always harp on “forgiveness” eh?…

There’s speculation that they killed Chester Bennington (the lead singer for Linkin Park) bc he […]

The Bible says the second time that God smites the Earth it will be done by fire. So I take that to mean that during WWIII someone nukes Israel and they invoke the Samson option and nuke everyone else. I must say, it WOULD indeed be ideal indeed to regard this prophecy as the ramblings of a madman like our Deist founding fathers did and avert such an outcome. However I must admit I would feel some modicum of relief

Half way there. Keeping track is quickly becoming meaningless. We all know how this ends. Another horrible week. More stupid bullshit I had to deal with at work. More rejections from engineering companies. More restless nights. It’s not going to end any time soon.

Friday was particular miserable. Got a rejection email like I predicted from that AMR company. At least they made their decision fast. Something about seeing the email though really pushed something inside me. Just pure hatred and fury. About everything in this situation. I wanted to crash […]

You have to pick one, that’s kinda the law of life unless you hit the lottery.

I pick alone. Don’t even have to think about it, this is where life has led me whether by choice or unconscious direction. It may not be the best path but it’s what I pick.

Let’s analyze the choices. Alone is, well, alone. Nuff said

Surrounded by people who don’t care is probably what most people experience and choose. Loveless relationships, casual friends who disappear like the weather, jobs with coworkers who don’t care about us any more than we care about them. Cities of anonymous little dots. This, I’d say is […]

This is what “help” looks like when you call a suicide hotline:
This is what “help” looks like when you check into a psychiatric facility:
This is what “help” looks like when you talk to the avg therapist / counselor / social worker:

There’s only 5 ppl mentioned in this short- but I’ve watched other documentaries on others who have also invented cars that do not run on fuel (many many ppl), and many scientists/drs who have developed ways to kill cancer cells (different ppl came up with different but effective treatments)- they ALL “suddenly died,” “mysteriously died,” “had an accident,” “suicided,” or were bankrupted.

1- Thomas Ogle- invented a car that runs on vapor instead of fuel- poisoned
2- Nikola Tesla- invented free wireless energy- died
3- Stanley Meyer- invented a car that runs on Hydrogen (from water)- poisoned
4- Raymond Rife- invented a microscope that can see […]

This is an awesome short cartoon by an independent artist, (4min):

I’ve had friends in the entertainment industry, actors, musicians, illustrators, etc who are intelligent and insightful but I can’t say this to them for obvious reasons. The entire profession is a fucking scam. It’s a fucking scam on the human race, designed to lull people into a false sense of security, or call it escapism, hope, fantasy, whatever, but what it comes down to is “extraordinary popular delusions and the madness of crowds.”

Flip on the radio and on 9/10 stations there’s some dumb song spouting such drivel as “DONT WORRY BE HAPPY” or “ALL YOU NEED IS LOVE” or “JUST SOAK UP THE SUN / […]

Another interesting book I started reading purely for its awesome title. I’ve been on a reading rampage lately, devouring any book about suicide, looking for any pearls of wisdom I might’ve missed in my lifelong obsession with the subject. So far nothing has changed my mind.

So on the heels of nonfiction memoirs by authors who later killed themselves, I’m now exploring fictional thoughts which are just as valid, since no one’s an expert until they’ve killed themselves and afaik Hades doesn’t have a publishing house in the material world.

I was expecting this book to be light hearted and comic, but aside from its cheeky title […]

Hm, idk who this lady is, but she says something interesting:

“You can control who you are by what you think”

She isn’t saying the usual garbage “just think happy thoughts and you’ll be happy, easy peasy.”

I think she’s saying something a little different. I mean, if i didn’t think humans were so rotten, I wouldn’t be so miserable in this world. That much is true…but humans ARE fucking rotten. As a species. Individually, most are still shitty. You’d have to find the 1-5% of ppl who are good / compatible with you.

I wasn’t always this fucking depressed and miserable. Can I get at least […]

Do you Love Yourself?
Do You Hate Yourself?

People who are suicidal/extremely depressed tend to NOT love themselves, and many hate themselves. Are you one of these people?

Why do you not love yourself?
What aspects of yourself do you hate?

Has anyone played Total Battle?

So I just started playing this game. It was a really fun game- UNTIL they took away all the beginner “freebies” and now you have to pay to get them (faster march, faster collection time, free building finish, binoculars to find mines, monsters, etc.).

All that goes away after 24 hours. And now this game is no longer fun (It’s been 24hrs).

Especially when your protective bubble goes away and your camp gets attacked by others (in 6d).

I am not normally a gamer so I don’t normally play these types of games. And I refuse to pay through the nose […]

@dying: you said that you follow models suicides. Well here you go, take a look at this short of a famous model from the 90s. a reason why very beautiful models, successful in every way on the outside, suddenly commit suicide, get committed to psych wards, or are just depressed AF.

As I told you in other posts, beautiful girls, not just famous models, but every day regular pretty girls, also get SAed, groped or graped. Like 90% of them.

People don’t understand that being pretty comes with a very high incidence of rape and SA.

Being pretty is a curse. I was pretty before […]

I’m starting to feel it now that I’m about halfway there. It’s been around half a year since I started looking for a job. I took a month off as I was transitioning to this shitty new job, but other than that I think I’ve applied to around almost 500 jobs give or take. Says 340 on Linkedin. Must have had atleast 100 in Indeed. Then there’s the stuff from glassdoor, zip recruiter, and outside places I’ve applied to. I’m tired. I’m losing hope. I got like 3 rejection emails today alone. Some stupid ass company […]

I was replying to a comment, but then decided to make a post out of it.

I know this is not a popular opinion, and I know this will never be done in the US, but I really do think we ought to have a license to have children.

If we need to have a license to drink, drive, have a gun, or smoke weed, then at the bare minimum we need a license to do something so important as having children.

There are SO many ppl having kids that shouldn’t. Just one glance at the news and you’ll see so many unfit parents. Not […]

After this week I’ll be half way. And it’s not looking great. Still looking for a job. Still hitting that wall. The job I was most interested in recently gave me the rejection email about an hour ago. Like I said, I doesn’t matter how good I think the interview went. It always ends the same. Today’s interview was so so. So I should be expecting a rejection email any day now then. I’m kinda ok with that. Just another crappy warehouse AMR company. Those seem like really boring jobs. And it is […]

One of my mother’s favorite things to say to me when she’s angry at me: “I almost aborted you, but I didn’t.” Like I’m supposed to be thankful for that. I wish she had aborted me. I don’t think I was meant to be born.

Do you hate people too? Why? What would make you love them?
I can’t form close bonds with anyone.