I have never felt like I belonged. I’m different. I’m not weird or anything but I have no interests in life. I never have. I have always felt alone even when I’m with somebody. I stay here because I have responsibilities. Everyday I come closer to just ending it all. I have bad days and then I have really bad days. Nobody understands me, so I pretend to be content with my life to make it easier on my family. Inside I’m dying. I’m suffering. Life wasn’t meant to be lived by me I have known this since I was 12. I am not meant […]
Anyone can relate?
I have a boyfriend who loves me, as well as a grandmother and friends who do so, too. So why do I feel so urged to commit suicide? Y’know what I think about sometimes? A scenario where everyone hates me, and has moved on. That way, I’d be able to kill myself, and it be more of a selfless act. I know I can’t die with things being the way they are now, and it’s not like I plan on making people hate me, I only wish I didn’t care so much about the ones in my life, so that I could do this without […]
I hate myself i’m so goddamn selfish why cant I be fucking normal and be able to socialize with ease like I used to? What the fuck is wrong with me? Why the fuck am I so goddamn lonely? Why the bloody hell do I isolate myself? I try so damn hard to radiate fucking positivity but I end up sadder than ever. I was so happy just a week ago. Now I’m sad. Again. I cant seem to get out of it this time. Again. I have no one. I am no one. I want to die. Why cant I just die? I wake […]
So 2 nights ago, I had to get some thoughts out of my head. I started an email; but intended just to erase it, but instead I sent it to myself. I was writing my comments to 2 men. One I have known for years, “TX”, but recently re-connected. He is someone I can call and talk to about anything. But he is also selfish and arrogant. The other man I just met last week on line. He sounded like the answer to my prayers. He was very attracted to me and from everything I could see, […]
im tempted to take these tablets maybe theyll help the hurt go. maybe if i buy more, space them out over a couple of days make it look like an accident like i didn’t mean to do it. idk.
(When I kill myself, I’m going to tell my parents to say it was an accident. It’s better that way. They won’t be blamed or shamed by a cultural community that doesn’t understand or accept mental illness. They won’t be asked where they went wrong with me, what mistakes they made in raising me, or any other bullshit like that.)
I’m so sorry, Mom and Dad. Don’t tell anyone the truth. Say it was an accident. I don’t want you to be ostracized for my selfish decision. I know you despise lying, but please lie for all of our sakes. I don’t care what they would […]
Five days I’ve lived since commiting to die, since calling a national hotline, my first time ever. Stuck in the rural South, My dogs and the North wind keep watch with me, watchers for the morning. I wrapmy knee in ice. It’s disintigrating from a 980’s Surgery…the sutures, tiny lengths o fibrous black, rose through my skin to the surface. And now the ligaments are tearing away. My surgeon died decades ago. My SI Joints’ ligaments stretched in an industrial accident, permit the whole set of bones to wrench away from each other. Favoring the right knee makes it worse. I think I may have […]
Withought going through all the details, my life has been really hard. and it never seems to get
any easier. Last year I had a bad car accident and was all messed up and had surgery and had to move
in with family. Now I feel like a burden and no matter how much I try to help others I never seem to
be appreciated. Now for me I do have some good things on the horizon. Possible opportunties that could
help me out in life. But Im gettting close to break point. And I have aquired a way to make an end for myself
so I have that handy […]
I don’t really know how to start… this is the first time I talk with someone other than myself or my dog about my thought. I don’t really have anyone around me I am comfortable talking with. I feel as a complete disappointment both to myself and to my family. I guess to give a little bit of background I’m 25, live somewhere in Canada. I cant even remember the first time I thought about dying… looking back things seem to have been going down hill since I was 16. I can’t really remember the happy times, I can’t remember having fun, just being empty. […]
Why can’t i be like all the other girls? Why do i have to try to be perfect when everyone else is? What’s wrong with me? Was I a fuck up, an accident? Why am I even here?
I’m so tired of everyone. All the obligations and responsibilities I inevitably have being the oldest child. Though I don’t think I am a child anymore. I have so many expectations to constantly live up to, and when I don’t, I become a failure in my familys eyes. I have a habit of not finishing what I start. School, by some miracle I graduated, though I wasn’t allowed to attend graduation or promotional because instead of expelling me, they just told me to not come back the last month of school in order to get my diploma. I went to the military after that. I […]
I really am sorry. There’s no reason to complain. I have a supportive family. I’m not starving. I’m just a selfish self-absorbed pathetic shrimp. And yet, I hate falling asleep because I know I’ll wake up to morning light, and another 15 hours of pain and guilt.
I dream of a spontaneous accident. I wouldn’t have to raid the medicine cabinet for a “suicide attempt”, only to detonate my liver.
I don’t even cry anymore. I don’t feel anything, really. I’m just a blob, a shell. A disgusting grey mouse. People suffer in the world, yet my scope of life revolves around my trivial problems.
Please, be honest […]
i have none… no friends… not a single one that i can talk to or go hang out with regularly… my friends that i use to have dont speak to me anymore… 4 of them are dead… 2 died by suicide. 1 by heart failure. and 1 by motorcycle accident… im all alone… ive never really been a social person… i dont know how to make friends. im out of school and living with my careless bf and his family… im 18 years worth of nothingness… almost 19… *sigh* i fucking hate everybody i know… i wish to know someone else…
I wish I didn’t feel the physical effects of depression. Lethargy is the worst–you can’t do anything and yet you can’t tell anyone why you can’t do anything. This entire weekend I’ve done nearly nothing, but why should I do anything anyway? All of our existences are inherently meaningless, our lives will end and we will all be Nothing. Truly, nothing in this life actually matters at all. And yet we go about as though we have a purpose (well, most people do anyway, I suppose people like me do not) and believe that life is beautiful and sacred when it isn’t. Life is just […]
I’ve realized that the pain has been growing inside me for the past two almost three months since my cousin death. Everything has been falling apart to me. Everyone says that I’m going to be fine I’m a couple of days but I always knew they were wrong. My cousin was killed in a car accident and ever since then I’ve been having the gut feeling in my stomach saying that it is my time to go. She is waiting for me wherever she is, and that she needs me there. The thing about her being gone is knowing I can’t talk to my best […]
Almost two weeks ago, my almost ex-husband killed himself. We were going through a divorce, which he didn’t want. It had gotten ugly because he was using our son as an emotional tool to hurt me. Our son is 11.
A policeman came to my work, took my in my office and told me to sit down. The officer told me that his brother had found his body. I had to tell our son that his father was dead. Funny thing is, although I was so sick of him, I seem to be having a harder time with this than my son is. I’m so angry. […]
I got my hand read by my friend and the lines in your palm on the right hand tells your future. My line of life is short, and I will die healthy. I’ve thought about this a lot on how I’m going to die. I have always thought of suicide. Maybe I slit my wrists and bleed to death, it seems like the best way to go. Or overdose on my pills. Now when I think about when I will pursue it, what comes up is when my mom told me I’m what keeps her going. She told me a few years back, crying, that […]
I’m not suicidal. In fact, I found this website by accident. I had no idea that people even contemplate suicide and it’s very hard for me to understand. No horrific event has happened to me, I went to a £15000 ($23000) private school in London and it’s because of my closed life that only recently that I’ve even reali(s/z)ed that so many people had such difficult and heart-breaking emotions.
Many problems may be hard to fix but could someone (preferably with experience) explain to me why anyone would ever feel it necessary to end their life.
My little brother was in an accident tonight. Was thrown from the truck. Yes, there was alchol involved and he is a minor but that is not the big issue for me right now.
He wanted me to come get him and not my dad. When I told my dad where I wanted to go he told me if I went to get him I would get kicked out of our house. Im so torn and so depressed. I can’t be the big sister I need to be because fear of getting kicked out. I really just […]