I can’t cope with it anymore

I’ve realized that the pain has been growing inside me for the past two almost three months since my cousin death. Everything has been falling apart to me. Everyone says that I’m going to be fine I’m a couple of days but I always knew they were wrong. My cousin was killed in a car accident and ever since then I’ve been having the gut feeling in my stomach saying that it is my time to go. She is waiting for me wherever she is, and that she needs me there. The thing about her being gone is knowing I can’t talk to my best friend anymore. I saw her a not even a week before her death at my work and all I can say is that I’m glad I hugged her. But one thing is knowing I don’t even remember if I said I loved her before I left. But when I saw her dead body at the funeral all I wanted was to die too cause how bad I wanted to be with her. The thing is I couldn’t cope her death. My mom toke me to counseling cause how bad it was for me. And the counseling isn’t helping me at all, my therapist told me I’m in depression and now I have to take medicine when really it doesn’t even work that much. So after taking advice from my boyfriend I am now on the website so I can say my pain. And find a way to get it over with and find some kind of happiness in my life.