I am a single mother of two… I just had to terminate my 5th pregnancy and I am only 25. I pissed of my boyfriend by using him and not talking with him, and he was the love of my life. My kids are spoiled and I feel like a stupid slut most of the time. My father sold me sexually from 5 on… And abused me emotionally, physically and sexually. My parents told me I was an accident. I was not meant to be here. I found myself skimming dating and sex sites looking for the man who I will never find. After the […]
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accident
It’s funny how once you make a decision life is a lot more calm. I know that I want to die and I know that I want it to be soon. I don’t have official plans and I don’t know if it will be on my own time or if it will be because I am careless and get into an accident. Either way will be ok. I just know it is my time to go. I feel calm knowing that my decision is made. I am in no way happy, the days are long but soon it will be over.
For the past year everything has been going wrong. I keep falling down deeper and deeper, I don’t even know what the light of hope looks like anymore. My senior year was supposed to be my year to shine but it wasn’t, from start to end everything screwed up. Apart of me feels like god has really forgotten about me this time, of everything that has happened I have the need to look past him and wonder if I should even question his existence. In September, a month after school started I got into a school bus accident with an eighteen wheeler, I got seriously […]
I’m 24, sort of successful with my studies I guess, got a bachelors degree in math, admitted to a US university to study math with tuition paid by teaching assistantship, good future and career ahead of me, if I cared for boasting, I would say I have pretty high IQ and stuff… my parents are proud, my sister is proud, my thesis supervisor is proud, my friends are proud.
I don’t care.
we broke up with my now ex-gf almost a year ago after a wonderful seven years. I’m not over it, I doubt I’ll ever will. and while I miss her every night (or someone she […]
Just saw a preview for the movie, If I Stay. Seems that a girl gets into an accident and she is left to decide whether to live or die. Then, she probably gets a glimpse of the life she would lead if she chooses to stay.
I wish I could see how my life would turn out if I stayed. I already made the decision to die but I am still here. Some days I am planning for my death and others I act as if I am going to live to 90. It is actually quite exhausting to live in two extremes.
It is crazy because […]
I hate living by the hospital. My apartment just happens to be in between two firehouses, as well. At the bottom of the hill sits the police station. I hate this location.
I thought I would enjoy it, being walking distance to work and the train line. I figured I’d be safer in this part of the community, so close to all emergency services. I assumed it would give me peace of mind. It’s an inevitable contradiction in my soul.
I hear sirens daily, hourly at times, for minutes on end. Where are they going? My roommates and coworkers go about their day, it’s unknown […]
I have been a lurker for a very long time. Reading your stories has been very cathartic for me. I don’t want anyone to have a miserable life and I wish we all had great ones but unfortunately that isn’t a reality for most of us. Life is hard and very unfair. I like that this site allows us to share our thoughts and feelings without fear. I am very depressed myself and life has been hard. I can’t find many reasons to continue on but I am too afraid to commit suicide. I’ve come to terms that this is it for me, that my life […]
I’ve had enough of the constant grief/worry/ruminating thughts/ guilt. mostly guilt. I just have to go through with it and get it over with. I mean once your dead your dead. I think ya know it really is kind of selfish isnt it. id love to make it look ike an accident but i dont think its possible really. Im just gonna jump off somethin and die. once your dead your dead its over. my poor family will have to go through a lot of shit . I tried to spare them but i really dont know what i can do now. I came home […]
Today instead of driving straight home I took a long detour around my town. I went up and down streets and stopped occasionally on a hill side. I pondered whether or not to hit to gas and keep going. A small accident maybe, they would say. But it would be okay for me. All that pain and stupid shit would be over. All the worry about being so fucking different and not normal would be gone. I wouldn’t spend the rest of my life locked up somewhere. No, if I were to be punished then I’d rather die because I’m already living in hell. I […]
I am just after some validation
Basically I cheated on my 20 week pregnant wife with our second child. I am an asshole. Now she is alone, with a 22 month old, no job, no income…. It’s aweful. I want to give her everything. Im not angry at her. She is at me. She doesnt want me to ever see the kids again and that im not a fit parent. And you know what, she is right! I am an aweful person. Im not a fit father or husband. She says she’ll make it hell for me to see the kids… and she will and I […]
Striving Towards Nothing
Why this passion or despair?
Why hangs anguish in the air?
This endless striving toward the end
Suggests that ruin does impend.
Restless monsters sigh and speak
As I awake while others sleep,
Besieged by phantoms from a dream
And haunted by their shriek and scream.
I stand amid a tempests cry
Its rage and wind its last goodbye.
Wishing me with contrite mutters:
Beware the words and acts of others.
These dreamers lie dispassionate.
Is disregard an accident?
I shake their hollow shells awake,
But alas this is their chosen fate.
Why is life composed of loss?
And why must […]
Everyone wonders if there is a way to make suicide:
painless
like an accident
untraceable
etc.
There is an 8 ingredient injection that I have found, bit 5 ingredients are near impossible to get. so now you know. Don’t ask me to make it or how to make it. I won’t tell.
Anyone know how to make a suicide look like an accident?
It’s always on my mind to end my life.. I was in a really bad accident that caused permanent brain damage.. I can not remember many things now.. I know my daughters bday is Halloween but I have to do the math to know what year she was born. I suffer from horrible pain.. Migraine headaches, throw up blood, I use to be able to do so much now I can hardly do anything 🙁 Life without health is no life at all.. I tried to end my life I took 80 Xanax & every other medication I can get my hands on. I woke up […]
8th grade was when it all started. It started in the middle of that year. My dad & I were fighting. He told me that the reason he tried to kill himself was because of me. At that time I started to believe it was me cause of the way I treated him. His mental health issues at that time were up & down. In previous years he was overdosing with his prescription meds which led to him getting into a car accident with me & he also fell down the stairs. Some other things happened like he ran into a tree with […]
Does anyone else ever put themselves in risky situations in hopes that they might be killed? Like walking at night hoping to get ran over or stabbed, or going hiking in an unknown area and you’re inexperienced, driving in bad weather, or do some extreme sport or activity. Anything that puts you at risk, because you feel like it would be better to get in an “accident” instead of committing suicide, which has so much stigma attached to it.
I do this, I find myself not caring if something happens to me. A lot of times IÂ hope something happens to me.
Every night I go to sleep hoping to not wake up in the morning. Suicidal thoughts cloud my head from the moment I wake up to the moment I go back to sleep. With perfect grades, my chances of securing decent employment are horrendous because my personality is incompatible with the corporate world. Now my grades are sinking because of the incessant mental pain. Chained to this accursed existence by mental slavery, I pray for an accident or terminal illness to kill me. It’s fruitless, of course, because a good god isn’t there. If god is evil, then I am doomed to suffer for all […]
sometimes id love to just bang my head against the kitchen table till i bleed to death.You see im caught between this road of all for killing myself yet slightly afraid.Not Afraid of whatll happen to me but to everyone else.My families is bad but not that bad. Im afraid by living im making my life worse and that by dying ill make there lives worse. I told my mom recently after my admission to the hospital that i felt everyone that theyd be better off if i was dead. But my mom told me how everyone acted when i was away at the hospital […]
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