Why does it feel like my life is a horrible joke? One big fat joke. That is all I will ever be. I hate this alot. I have little to no friends. School life was a big mess from start to finish. It seems like when ever I am noticed in this world its only to be laughed at. I have not much to say since I have never done this but maybe someone will understand me? I have bad social problems, fat, ugly and no friends and I have an even personal problem that few understand. I feel no matter what I do its wrong and I cant do anything right. I dont see whats so special about life. But then again i dont have one…I feel so horrible each day but then again I brought this on myself right?! I dont know God brought me here so it cant be all my fault. I wished only that this life hurries up and ends so one day maybe I wont be a joke anymore? Not like anyone would miss me. The only one who truly loves me is my grandmother. Well I dont got the guts to end my life tonight or tomorrow or even ever, But I pray that when the time comes I will be forgotten and the joke will end.
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this is to hard . why make it so difficult
1/ I have nothing to look forward to anymore in my life as over my life time I have been fisically motioal vrebally abused sexually because of all this abuse that I have been through i can’t sllep well without having nightmares of the abuse i have also spent time in prison where I was sexually abused there by older males I have tried to commit susicide a lotal of 93 times since my first sexual abuse at me when I was 9 yeras old when I was in a state home for boys the first time was done by a boy aged 16 years of age back then I was also sexually abused by a housemaster who was in charge of all us boys in the home he started to sexually abuse me when I had just turned 10 years old it started on the night of my birthday back in 1972. I have been married three times and my mariages never lasted because I could not cope with the intamate relationship that was wanted of me i have three son’s but I have lost them through welfare the mother of my two youngest sosn’s has died and I still have no contact with them as the welfare won’t let me Since I came out of prison my life has been placed at risk non-stop and wher I live I am like being a prisoner there as I can’t go out anywhere at all so for this reason and what I have been through my entire life I feel that there is only one way out of all the pain that I am going through is to end my life.
2/ Being a male and being sexually abused by other males at a young age has not in anyway helped me in my life but has only made my life hell also when I was only 4 years old I was hit by a car as I was walking across the street after school which gave me some brain damage so you tell me what do I have left in this world to look forward to my oldest son has 2 children and I have not even seen them as this is a punishment to me for spending time in prison away from him.
3 / I have always done whatever I could for other people around me but I get nothing back from them at all I have given money to my own brothers and sisters but have never gotten a thing back or a thank you for what I have done and for all the people that I have done good for in my life I always had put others first never myself at first place sorry I have to go. emailto:firstname.lastname@example.org
i am 18yrs old and sometimes i feel lik i can’t take it anymore, i tried to comet suicide at 15 but they hospitalized me. i thought i was over everythingÂ but i just seem to notice that my life is hell i am living wit my parents and my babies father, but he seems to not even care about what i feel or how i feel. i feel like i am so used to being put down i really don’t care anymore but the pain has caught up to me & i just feel like i’ve had enough i really need help not just for me but for my child so please help me.
hello everyone, i felt i am not important in this world, i’m just like a stain in their life that need to remove. now i kill i want to kill myself, but part of me want to stay.
I’m sick of this I went on the Internet the other day looking up reasons for suicide and came up with 5 and I have all of them! That must mean I’m meant 2 die by suicide. I just can’t take it. No one cares whether I live or die I just cause problems for everyone the only way out is 2 die I can’t make it right by living. Can’t anybody see or hear me!! Why can’t anyone see I’m falling apart!!!T_T I’m crying right this second
In my mid 40s old, have lead a charmed life at times, always looking for the thing that would make me happy. Bottomline nothing can make anyone happy it comes from within. So how do you do that when the weight of the world and the consequences of poor choices and actions culminate into one gigantic crushing smoothering ball and chain. Reality becomes blurred and all you want to do is check out. My children and the fear of death and HELL up to this point keep me from doing the worst however as they are several states away and thier Mother is awaiting me to finally follow through with my words as she stands to recieve substantial SS benefits upon my death I am trying to find the strength to hang on. Sure my childhood sucked, and I was or allowed my self to be abused in many ways including self-abuse and self-hatred. Have never had issues with alcohol or drugs my medicine was always darker so they say. I have read some of the posts of young people and my heart aches for you as you have your whole lives ahead of you. Seek the counseling and medication if necessary to stay the course and get through this. My financial, tax, joblessness and homelessness has me at the breaking point at this moment. But I beg all of you to hang in there and seek the assistance you need. I tried to do much on my own, pride, fear and ego kept me fromÂ continuing the help I once had. ITS NOT WORTH IT!!!Â Â I have always helped others but never took much time to help myself and so I find myself in this impossible situation. So tired, so tired of the fight, soÂ worn out and feeling so hopeless.
I thought furiously about how I was going to let my parents know, would an email be so bad. If I sent an email they would know straight away, but would they have the computer on, would they even check their emails. I know I didn’t, in-fact it was very rare I checked mine, I would normally have at least 100 emails to make my way through as I left it so long before looking. It does seem a little impersonal, but how else would I let them know. I put the thought to one side as my thoughts redirected themselves to the main problem in hand, how exactly would I do it, how would I kill Myself
My children ran around as I sat at the computer, tears streaming unstoppable down my face. I was no longer crying because of self pity, I had already decided on what had to be done. I was more concerned about how everyone was going to feel. Obviously I was too selfish to stop it, but I was aware of the pain I was going to cause to all around me. My children, my parents the rest of my family. But reaching the bottom I was consumed by wanting to find an end.
I had a plan, as all people considering suicide do. Wait till everyone goes to bed and then, well my plan feels very personal to me, I don’t want to share, sorry. But how did I reach this point, what on earth would force me to think the unthinkable. I couldn’t answer that, a lot of things had happened in my life, not unlike everyone. Nothing terribly bad, nothing unmentionable, just a long line of sad events which alone are stressful but put together over a few years became depressing. The doctor had put me on some pills, which caused me to have panic attacks, a counselor changed them, but they had some nice side effects too. So I tried another, but this one, in a relatively short time had made me want to put an end to it all. No ones fault, just different people different effect,some good some bad.
I had had suicidal thoughts before, not like this though. Before they were like fleeting, disconcerting ideas not unlike the horrible things my mind made me think about myself, I’m useless, I’m ugly, bad mother, bad person, nobody likes you. Upsetting but easier to put aside. This wasn’t just a thought this was to be. Sometime its not the things that made you depressed you want to get away from, its the feeling of being depressed, the person its turned you into. You’re mind plays tricks on you too, you feel like you’re actually going crazy.
Obviously, I’m still here, so I didn’t go through with it, but why, I was so sure. What could change my mind. Well I googled suicide and one of the first sites I visited asked me to read on and I did. I was in such a state I couldn’t tell you most of it but what did stick was one instruction, wait. That made sense to me, if I was going to kill myself what difference would a day make. That advice save my life. I saw my doctor the next day and stayed at my parents house for a week until I was feeling a little better.
The fear from wanting to kill myself also made me realise that I couldn’t ever feel that way again, so I sought other ways of helping myself. Groups with other people who are suffering from depression, courses to help build my confidence up again. I’m now returning to someone I like again. Its a slow bumpy road. Finally I reached a revelation, I was looking forward and not only that, I’m excited about whats to come. So if any of this sounds familiar, just wait and talk to someone. There’s more than one way to end the way you’re feeling.
I wanted to thank all involved in this website. You saved my life at a time where I thought I was totally alone, thank you.