What options for death really are there for profound disabled like myself? I can’t get a gun, can’t get in a car and go somewhere, and hanging never fails to fail. The only thing I was suggested by “professionals” was, if you want to die, you can, you just have to stop eating and drinking completely. Number one, what an inhumane way to go! I cannot imagine depriving myself of water until I am dead. That is barbaric. Number two, most of us disabled are in the care of family members who would force feed us. So this is clearly not an option. Also most […]
Tag:
always
Hi there, I stumbled across this site and I really think it’ll do me some good to post my “suicide story” here.
So, I’m 15 years old and have always struggled with depression. Currently, my life is falling apart. Please don’t tell me that “I’m only 15 and I don’t even know what it’s like to be depressed yet” because I really don’t want to hear it. I always have made an honest effort to just keep my head up and try to stay happy but it seems to get harder and harder each day. I’m not a smart kid, by any definition. My grades have […]
Once an addict, always an addict… right? So that’s how this works too I guess. I want to cut so badly. I’ll have to go to the store to get some blades and replenish my selection. Seeing my thoughts written down makes me feel like throwing up. Good thing I’m too high to care
I had a panic attack today I never experienced anxiety till this month. It’s been atleast one eveeday now. It really started with a subtle paranoia the small thought that maybe ill fail maybe my friends are lying to me. Now it’s become completely out of hand. I’m encased in lies and dangerous things and I’m afraid to make a move because I’ll fail I know I will. And all the while the spiders that spin their webbed lies that I used to call friends race on without me. I can’t blame them I never let them see my panic […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
I’m too scared to kill myself. I’m afraid that I’ll fail, and end up screwed in some way. I don’t have much to live for, with a family that cares to much about the unimportant stuff but doesn’t care about what matters and friends that lie to me and try to make me jealous of them, and social anxiety that’s almost crippling.
My dad left my mom and I when I was 3. She found a guy when I was 8, and at first he wasn’t so bad. Now, he blames me for everything, even stuff I didn’t know about. He forces me to clean everything […]
Hey there baby, you looking fine
again tonight like always
I’m so bad with these corny lines
but you never judge me
instead you stand far away and let
your vertiginous glory pluck at my nerves
ready to catch me when I remove
80 feet of concrete between us
Remember when we first met?
I was so young then and you were the same
soft shade of aquamarine that I feel
flling my nostrils and bluring my sight
Your presence a promise of an eternal
unbearable comfort hugging me tight
How much has changed since then?
Nothing at all, as you of course know
except that your […]
I’ve been visiting this site for a few months and seems like all of you are Americans?
We are always on the top of the list with the highest suicide rates but no Koreans or Japanese here?
I know it’s dumb question but I was just wondering
Hello. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want to die, but there always is something that stops me. I’m useless, worthless, good for nothing, stupid, ugly and fat, fat, FAT. People are really harsh on me. They even told me to go die. At the very moment i have already cut about 20 times. My parrents know about my cutting addiction, but they don’t give a fuck. I want to torture myself untill I die,but that isno longer enough for me. If anyone knows any good ways to leave this world or help me overcome this shit, please. I beg you! Help!
I’m weak. I’m so very very weak and scared and just… useless.
I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m too mch of a coward for anything and I’m just stuck unable to move either forward or back.
My self esteem right now is at a point where I can’t see any road that wouldn’t lead to failure. I can’t do anything, I have no more strength to persevere. I’ve tried and tried and tried and all I am is a failure and I can’t pretend I’m strong and can’t force myself to be optimistic anymore.
I’ve always run away from anything hard by burying myself in books […]
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it “Chops”
because that was the name of his dog
And that’s what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner […]
i am writing this down more as a note to myself than to all of you but you can still listen.I am not going to kill myself in a few days from now though i may die and that is the intended goal as i do not have the desired will to live,But im probably not going to die as my attempts always fail.
the plan will be to reschedule appointments to friday that way i can get an important event out of the way.Id like to take friday off completely but i dont know if thats possible.anyway after my appointment i will go to […]
I’ve been so lonely lately and I feel like my music is the only thing I have to hold on to. Nobody will listen to me when I speak, when I cry, when I scream, I feel like I’m falling into a deep dark hole. Never to return again.
I’ve had so many thoughts about running away or killing myself… I’m starting to scare even myself.
I’ve always hated myself. I’ve never actually felt love except for when I was a kid. I’m still falling into the endless void.
Always was. Always will be…
I started talking to this boy named Michael since I was in 7th grade & he was in 9th.. All was good we went talking off & on, he was so in love with me but we had never officially met in person so I was kind of iffy & kinda pushed him away.. Years pasted by & once I started high school he was a junior of course & me & him started to get close again.. But the times we hadn’t talked he had got a girlfriend & they had been together for 9 months.. & I was sure he was in love […]
Most indoor cats are the luckiest beings on earth. Well besides, models, billionaires, (insert: anyone you think is very lucky).
As a cat I would get all the affection and love I’ll ever want. I would not be rejected cause I am hairy and shed everywhere. Food would always be there when I want. I may even reject it and quickly it will be changed for a different meal. I may even gain weight. But as a cat I would still get carried, hugged, and never criticized for my huge belly. I would always have a roof over me to keep me dry, warm, and out […]
There are a long list of things we are not allowed to say, and feelings we are not allowed to feel. Isn’t that true my fellow slaves? You did know you’re slaves, right? From the moment you’re born you are a slave to your parents and to this society. That is why what we say and feel must be regulated. That is why dissenters must be outcast as “evil” horrible people. Because in order to keep the system going, we can’t have dissent. Dissent wakes people’s minds up, and awake people rebel, and what society fears most, is rebellion. “Being born is like being kidnapped […]
“Why me?”
“Why do I have to live with this pain? (mentally)”
“Why can’t I smile like everyone else”
“Why can’t I be happy?”
“Can I please die?”
My depression started in September 2012. When I applied for university in 2011, I got rejected which I didn’t mind first time round. Later on the year, I applied again in 2012, guess what, I got rejected. That’s when my depression started. I just can’t deal with rejections. My “friends” are busy with their university friends and their new life whereas I, stuck at home, hoping to go university. I have tried applying for jobs but no result. Any way, I applied […]
I run today Litterely moving. The world through my eyes is cold. Full of dark colors. The air is crisp around me thin. layers of mist collect on my face under my hat on my glasses. Â I hold my keys in my hands their sound as constant as my steady moving lump of body mass. I run. Its has been a long time since I have run and I can’t remember why I would do such a thing at the moment.Â
My body jiggles forward my mind moves back in memory. forcing me to quite again to walk I keep moving. I remember wanting to die. […]
My name is Caleb William Phillips. And yesterday May 22nd 2014, was my daughters 5th birthday. Her mother and I are separated permanently and she has remarried (common law) and lives with another man with his own children. I have a 3 year old daughter named Olivia Grace Phillips as well by the same mother. And these are my only two children and my only two reasons for living. As of about a year and a half ago things got out of hand when I put pain pills before my family. Chelsea left and took the girls as she should have. Several months later I […]
I’ve come to accept all this. It’s going to kill me, but I’ve accepted it. It’s just always going to be a part of my life. No running from it. Can’t get rid of it. Just have to deal with it until it’s over.