Can’t do it.

I started talking to this boy named Michael since I was in 7th grade & he was in 9th.. All was good we went talking off & on, he was so in love with me but we had never officially met in person so I was kind of iffy & kinda pushed him away.. Years pasted by & once I started high school he was a junior of course & me & him started to get close again.. But the times we hadn’t talked he had got a girlfriend & they had been together for 9 months.. & I was sure he was in love with her, he would constantly go back to her over & over again.. so the times they were broken up he would always come to me.. & So this year 2013/2014 we got close.. he would call me out of class for kisses & hugs & just everything, I fell in love instantly. I wanted him all to myself.. but he would always mistreat me.. call me names, ignore me.. but some how I still stuck around.. I was so sure we were on the right path, then right when i thought things were great he goes back to his ex with out even telling me.. I knew he was ignoring my texts for a reason.. I was on 2nd floor going to my 3rd period & thats where I would always see him, standing there with his friends, so that one morning I seen him & smiled but he just glanced at me & looked away.. like he didn’t know me.. like I was a complete stranger.. Then I turn around & him & his ex are walking past me holding hands & kissing.. My heart completely dropped I couldn’t believe it! I thought i was dreaming! I was so hurt, i just wanted to break down & cry but instead all of my tears & sadness turned to anger & hatred! I was so mad I wanted to punch everything in sight.. I didn’t speak to anyone the rest of the day.. Months go by & I get in some trouble & get sent to another school.. Then I suddenly get a text from him asking what happened & why I had to move.. I felt the “In love” feeling all over again.. I was so happy words couldn’t explain but.. I knew I couldn’t get to happy.. So me & him start talking again & I end up telling him how much I miss him & what not.. blah blah blah .. & everything was good.. but then I started talking to this other boy & left him aside .. sooner or later he had found out & unfollowed me on twitter, once he did that I knew something was wrong I had texted him & asked him why he had unfollowed me & he says .. does it even matter? So from there I just deleted his number  & unfollowed him as well.. & continued talking to this new boy.. Unfourtunetly things didn’t work out.. & around the same time me & this new boy stopped talking, Michael had began to follow me again on twitter, words couldn’t explain how happy I was again!! So then, we started talking again.. & long story short .. we had sex after 2 1/2 years .. & I thought after I had gave it up to him things would get better.. boy was I wrong.. he ofcourse texted me the next day saying how he missed me then that was it.. that whole next week I didn’t hear from him, he would ignore my texts & so one day I had called him & told him I had threw up.. ( He didn’t use protection) So he was like, be serious are you really pregnant? & I was like no.. then later on that night I called him & told him to pick me up because I missed him & he said well were are you? don’t you have a house of your own? (I was already drunk) So I kept calling & he was like no i’m going to a party & hung up.. Then a few hours go by & my friends talk about going to the same party.. so I call him & tell him & he was like okay well i’m going to act like I don’t know you.. & I was too drunk to feel any remorse from what he was saying.. after the party I just remember bits & pieces of what had happened .. I just remember I some how ended up in the back of the party making out with him & then walking back with him to his friends house.. he wanted to have sex & I told him no I didn’t want to because of how he was treating me, but he just kept trying & kept telling me things that he thought might change my mind, I was super drunk & got in trouble by my parents & was grounded for a week.. & Since I didn’t have my phone the whole week I felt so alone & by myself & when I had my phone for a while I had texted him & ofcourse no response.. Ever since then I just started feeling like I was worthless like I was alone in this world, no one to care for me.. just done with life its self.. I still feel that way, i’m still debating wheather to live or to die.. I’ve tried killing myself before over the same situation (The Boy) I’m just so sick of all the heartache & all the tears I just wanna sleep & never wake up.. the only thing stopping me, is the hurt & pain of my family & how i’ll leave them feeling.. But I just dont know what else to do.. suicide is my only option at this point.. I just feel as if once i’m gone people will actually start to care again.. as they once did before…..