My family is …
Yesterday I heard my parents discussing, they were in their room and the door was closed (they talk so loud I can hear miles away), my father confessed he was cheating my mother.She is so stupid and people tell her harsh words everytime and she never does anything about it, she’s 45, how long will she bear everything in silence?.I don’t even know why they’re still married, but I’m sure they’re not in love anymore, plus my father is always getting into trouble and hurting other people’s feelings.He has been had struggles with alcohol and smoking since they married more than […]
So I have a friend who is in all honors classes and she acts all preppy and nice and innocent but when she gets around me she acts her true self (cursing, talking shit, laughing, making jokes you know the normal stuff us teens do). So we were in school in the hallway and she cursed and one of her teachers walked by , so she ran around the corner hiding to make surehe didnt know it was her. As she was running she told me not to say her name outloud because she didnt want her teacher knowing it was her who cursed and […]
suicidal thoughts & cutting have always been apart of my life but when i decided to quit it became extremely hard on me. i had delt with all my problems this way & now i dont have that. i have to find another way of dealing with my problems so i decided to start writing. my school councelor gave me this idea. he told me that i can make it. im a strong person.i suppose… if all the other people that cut & have tried suicide can quit than so can i.
all that they want from me is to play my part in social gatherings. they don’t want to be embarrassed because of their son. how do they see me? just another dot in this social web. i have all kind of social strings attached to me. i’m a position holder: a son, a brother, the heir of this fucking heritage. and they don’t give me required powers either. they think of me as some lowly being. fuck i hate them so much. just let my sister’s marriage complete and i’m gonna show ’em who i am. just just let me get the opportunity.
why do […]
02/09/2011
My grandfather was more like a dad then my actual father was he helped me through everything I spent all the time I possibly could with him he loved me and he always told me he did I always told him I loved him but one day I went to school and my teacher came and told me I had to leave school at 9 and my mom was coming to pick me up I was really excited cause I never got to leave school when it was 9 I got in the car and went home my dad was sitting […]
You probably couldn’t care less to other people’s struggles because you got your own problems, but maybe we’re facing the same situation.I’m almost 18 now, and I’ve been struggling with my appearance since 13.It’s one of countless reasons why I feel depressed and suicidal.I’m a skinny pale shit, I have acne for 5 years, I hate my hair, and so on.People are always criticizing me : “You’re ugly!”; “You should get a tanning, ugly corpse!”; Your acne blemishes are horrible”; “You’re so skinny and look like a girl, an ugly girl!”.And the worst it’s that it’s truth, a harsh bitter truth.I try to ignore their […]
So, here is a little introduction to myself.
I’m a teenage girl and I’ve probably suffered from mild depression since I was in the fourth grade; right around the time I moved schools. This has been a constant struggle for me in myself that I’ve mostly struggled through alone. I’ve never really had that support team or someone who I could talk to this about so this has been something I’ve bottled up inside for years. I mean sure, I’ve been I was in and out of the occasional therapy for some time and my family knows about it but it’s never been something I’ve […]
May 11th, the day I lost someone very dear to me. 8 years ago. That’s the day I will say goodbye. That’s the day that nothing will matter. If I’m lucky, I’ll die and I’ll finally get a break from this mean cycle. The day before my first exam. Finally a way to escape. I just need to figure out how to do it. I could poison myself, slash my wrists, hang myself, but I’ve always been more open to jumping. It would be like facing my fear of heights with my last breath. I could jump off the bridge, my school, or even in […]
I stare up from my casket where they lay me to rest
I watch my family as they place roses on my chest
In a blurred second i experienced all the joy they gave to me
I do regret the rest of their lives that I won’t get to see
Please friends and family, dry all your tears
I will always be with you, so please have no fears
I hear them say how they never saw it comin’
how I was so happy,and they wish they could’ve done somethin’
I still remember all the pain I had inside
all the hopelessness, sadness, and anger […]
I feel better today than I did last night or the day before yesterday. I guess all of they crying cleansed me in a way. I do not cry for myself, I have been able to overcome my MDD, ADD, and BPD and make a pretty good life for myself. As many of you know, I am not suicidal, I guess you could say I am here to save the world. I understand that some people become angry with people like me and for that I am very sorry.
No, I do not cry for myself, I cry for my son, I cry for the […]
We haven’t heard from Januray…But.. I missed all these people who doesn’t know how much I love them.. Maybe they aren’t perfect to someone else,bu to me you are perfect just the way you are. I love you guys,all of you.
My status,of emotions are distroyed.Of health so much better,but I still feel empty. And if someone is willing to share their story can send me a mail on lanamajetic33@gmail.com . I will always be there for anyone of you. I can’t say it will be better,maybe it won’t be like you want. You have to stay strong. I sound like my therapist. haha. I […]
I’ve been married for eight years. Before that I was married to someone else for five. So I haven’t been by myself for a very long time. I have two children, a boy and a girl. They are the reason I haven’t done it yet.
I understand now why I am always sad, and why I fall in love with men who can’t love me back. My parents could never love me and there is a hole in my heart where there ought to be confidence. I was raised to be a good christian girl and always serve others. I was never supposed to want […]
its time to go
not long now ill be gone soon
if you miss me look at moon
it not long now
ill always ask how
as i take my final breath
all gone
all over
now im greeting death
Everyone else going out with their group of friends. I’m not, because I don’t have any true friend. I’m twenty, and in college, i met two friends, but one was a backstabber, so we’re not friends with each other anymore, so left one friend, but this one friend who stay with me till now, she never made any effort to go out or hang out with me, and it’s been 3 years, so i feel highly that there’s something wrong in this friendship. If she considered me as her friend, not just in college, then why can’t she asked me? because every time i did […]
I always thought of changing my life style and everything, before beginning of something big like college, job. I tired my best to fit in to there college lifestyle, I did make a lot of friends i was happy but after few weeks something happened i don’t know what all of a sudden everyone started to think of my as clown, Started picking on me but i didn’t say a word against them and that made things even worse, which made me talk of the town literally as i live in a town. you see the same faces everyday. which gave people the opportunity to talk shit behind my back. I can fell […]
I’ve attempted suicide before. One time I got really close. Each time I was young and didn’t know enough. The first time, I was twelve. I didn’t know you had to go up the road. The second, a couple years later, I wasn’t able to find the courage at the bottom of that deep bottle. The last time, I came really close. Put myself in a two day coma. I was 18 and still lived at home with my family and siblings. I even had a girlfriend. No one knew.
That was the last time. I got counseling, per my girlfriends request, after coming out to […]
At school I could always be myself
And I could do that without being hated
Without being critiqued
And just accepted into the group of my friends
Unlike my world at my house
At my house I got criticized
I got yelled at for the slightest mistakes
I got hit even though I did nothing wrong
Maybe living here is why they hit me
Anyway I had a world where I could just be me
And not get hated, or hit, or criticized
I wouldn’t have to worry about making mistakes
Because my friends would always forgive me
But now that has drastically changed
One […]
I’ve been cursed all my life. I feel like I’m the worst person alive on earth! I suck at everything. I used to be an intelligent student who attains A’s and B’s at school. But now, I’ve been getting D’s and F’s because of my personal problems. I also used to design houses, sing, dance, wirte fictional stories, play chess, swim and go outside but now, I feel like I’m not capable of those things anymore. Depression has been getting over me. I feel like I’m the dumbest person. I’ve never been involved in any of the clubs and school activities because of the feeling I […]
When it gets so intense I’m always back again.When I was 15 I did an art piece depicting a face expressing pain. Their eyes clenched tightly and mouth arched viciously downwards as if all was lost. I’ve come to the conclusion that it is the intensity of what I feel that drives me mad and soon to sadness. This idea unintentionally danced through my painting as I realised the inspiration was an image of Lleyton Hewitt winning his first and only grand slam. Ironic huh? Being the bell of the ball and the crazy bipolar ***** whimpering away in her room. And I don’t mean […]