I didn’t eat yesterday but a small bowl of chicken pasta from panera bread. I haven’t eaten anything today yet. But I know my best friend/sisster is going to make me eat lunch. I just don’t like eating, I think eating is gross. On top of that I don’t have an appetite for anything. Plus I am a very picky eater.
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I don’t want to see you. But I want to see you. I don’t know what to do.
i dont know myself anymore, i look the same and act the same but i feel dead inside, incomplete and alone. this is not because i lost love or some shit like that, but i just dont feel worth anything. not a second of your time, not a breath of oxygen, not even the space i exist in. this isnt how im suppost to live this, isnt how i am. i’m gay…i came out to my mom a few months ago. she’s alright with it, but i just cant hide in this shell anymore. she told me not to tell anybody about it because they […]
Hi Guys,
Phew! It’s been two weeks, well 14 posts!!! So thank you for sticking with me and I hope you continue to help me through this journey of my life.
This post really isn’t going to be about my day, more of what I am feeling like right at this moment.
This moment. Right now. I’m curled up in my room, on my floor, with a comforter over my head, The Scientist by Coldplay on repeat crying my eyes out. Why am I crying my eyes out? I can’t find something. Now before you go and comment, “Oh stop being a drama queen,” or anything like that. […]
I am the point where that bottle of fucking pills is it. It’s what I want and I’m tired of pretending that it isn’t. Fuck it.
Every night I fall asleep thinking of what it is I wish I could have the most, at one point in time I wanted to be happy. And then I found happiness, I found myself falling in love with someone so completely imperfect. I knew that what it was that was between him and I wasn’t a reality because at the end of the day he fell asleep next to my sister, except on the many occasions that he fell asleep on the couch with me beside him. But in the end he was beside her, she got to call him “my boyfriend” I got to […]
Really sucks when you tell your family that you are suicidal and the first words out of their mouth is “you’ll burn in hell”. WTF!!! That’s the furthest thing from my mind when i’m holding the razor blade to my wrist. She did not even ask me why I want to do it and still hasn’t. That was over a week ago and I saw her today and told her again my suicidal urges are growing stronger. Even told her about my dreams I have been having where I go to my own funeral after I commit suicide. Still nothing. I am not telling my […]
Most people say cheerleaders are sluts, perfection, skinny, and easy. But we aren’t all like that. We are all human we all make mistakes and fight our own battles. I’m an elite and school cheerleader; I am anorexic, on medication for depression and anxiety, and I was diagnosed with OCD. So think before you judge a cheerleader just cause we act confident in our own skin doesn’t mean we are.
Forgive me, for I have sinned..
I have committed acts of lust
I have committed acts of hatred
I have committed acts of theft
I have committed acts of homosexuality
I have committed acts of pride
I have committed acts of greed
I have committed acts of gluttony
I have committed acts of lying
I have committed acts of being agnostic
I have committed acts of feeling suicidal
And here I stand on two feet
Waiting to be struck down
To burn, to live an eternity in Hell
I may be a sinner, but won’t my good deeds in this mortal life do anything for me in the afterlife?
Will I stand at the gates of Heaven, and fall into […]
iv given up on me… simpal as no seciond thought so why am i still alive esey because of jacey i love her so shit i do whant to live but not for me why would any one live for me im ugly skiney fucked up worthless spited me im not worth the shit on your shoe but she shows me this 🙂 and im happy
but i havent herd from her in a bit i konwshes ok but some one till that to the guy in my head… i dont belev in god but i fucking pray for her evrey night kiss the phchure stell […]
I am young but have had the misfortune of having so many illnesses and ailments. At this point, I just want to die quickly and painlessly. Â It’s not that I want to die- I just don’t want to suffer for the rest of my life. Â Physically, I am fucked. Â What I have isn’t all going to go away and get better. Â So why prolong this endless pain and suffering?
I hate my life and I hate my cruel fate. Â I’ve already been made to suffer for so many years. Â Why must I suffer more?
It’s not worth it anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can take this damn depression go away or all of the stress… What am I supposed to do? I can’t take anymore… maybe it’s best to break… oh,… oh, wait I can’t anymore I’ve already reached the maximum of that. Goodbye… for a little at least.
I just recently discovered this site and have been reading through the posts. I am amazed at how young many of the authors are. Being a teenager was not a lot of fun for me but I would give just about anything to be able to go back and try again. To once again have the opportunities of youth.
A friend of mine is constantly joking with me about how old I am. Although she is almost 30, she is quite a bit younger than me, more than 10 years anyway. Even at her age there are opportunities available to her that are no longer possible […]
I want to fall asleep and never wake up, I lie awake at night thinking of nailing my door shut and I don’t know why, I aspire to do great things but in the morning, all I can see is the futility of it all…
The blessing of the condition is that you can have the grandest dreams, the curse of it all, is that you will never see your dreams realised because they are too unrealistic…
I’m due to have my lithium levels checked. On the one hand, I hope it comes back as too low so my medication gets pushed up…on the other hand I […]
everyday … everyday i go into college i feel so judge , that i don’t belong where i am . in my college class everyone has there friends … i do have mine to but they are all older then me by a couple of years but now its got to a point where everyone is turning on me ..i don’t know why or what i have done wrong … i was just being my self i guess . i cant tell my parents or my boyfriend .. not even my tutor , i have given up hope because no will understand, i know […]
I was once nothing. From the nothing I became something. Surely if I return to the nothing, I can once again spring into something.
Awareness is quite a weird thing really. A computer takes input, processes it, gives an output. It is never aware.
A man takes input, processes it, gives an output, and meanwhile there is this pesky thing called awareness observing the whole ordeal. A man that simply does, and does not observe while doing, makes infinitely more sense.
I wonder if it is even possible to die. Indeed, if reality constantly branches into different timelines, might it not be possible that […]
In four days, it will all have been an entire year.
One year since I nearly commited suicide.
One year since I found my girlfriend here and she saved me.
And it’s that date, 27th of January, that I chose to make my final decision: Wether to live, or to die.
really quick recap of my life so far: I’m 17 years old. I’ve never been really a happy child and have a mother who expects a lot of me (though that has gotten better for some reason). My dad is a weird old person who lost his dad when he was twelve and his sister to […]
I have started the process of getting a legal Will made. This is essential because if I don’t have one whatever I have goes to the next of kin which I absolutely can’t allow to happen. I feel much better knowing that this will be in place soon.
The Living Will is more challenging. I only have one friend, well, I actually have two friends but only one I can count on, however, I’m not convinced he will step up in the right way if I am in hospital and can’t make decisions for myself. I hope he can but it is a lot to ask […]
I have posted this before but I can’t find the post
Guess I am to stupid to find my way around here. How do I find my post again?
Would you tell me about hight again, please!
thank you
At the moment that I am typing, I am quite drunk. Unlike all the times in the past, for the very first time, I am actually drunk for a good reason. I am not drunk because I am depressed. I am drunk because I am actually happy. I will be able to tell by tomorrow if I will be okay though.
I was making this IHOP shots (50% of Butterscotch Schnapps + 50% of Crown Royal Whiskey shot.. and then followed by orange juice) . It is actually quite tasty. After about 7 to 8 shots..you feel this feeling of FREEEEe……dom. Anyway, I am quite conscious […]