I’m not Christian or anything, but i still fear the possibility of going to hell if i kill myself. I have chronic pain, severe depression, anxiety, and PTSD due to an abusive childhood. I’m ready to die, but this dumb fear is holding me back and i don’t know how to get over it. I’m suffering and i just want to be free. Does anyone have any advice at all? :/
I have had a whirlwind of a week, and to be fair i still dont quite know what is going on. I have tried to kill myself twice in the matter of three days, taken to hospital, released the next day, then the next i tried again, again unsuccessful but the psychiatrists at the hospital deemed me to “just be having a bad week”, bad is nothing and such a understatement.
My partner broke up with me and thats when my first suicide attempt occured, the next day. He went in the ambulance with me and stayed by my bed all night, when i was discharged […]
the internet. i’ve always invisioned going into a community and visualizing them face to face except we’re not really face to face. its just the illusion inside our minds. our bodies make the motion. so any time i enter a forum or whathaveyou, i imagine it a lot like entering into a room already chalked full of people, some you know and some you don’t. the ones that don’t know you happen to see you first, thus already altering an outcome.
stranger: hey, hello…i’m not sure why i’m drawn to you but i am and i just wanted to say hello.
me: plus you gave me a […]
At night is when it gets the hardest I think more I can’t hide my thoughts with distractions. I don’t now how to deal with my pain other then self harm or drinking till I pass out. I want to die most nights because I can see them, I can feel his breath on my ear. I close my eyes tight wondering when it will end. I see blood I feel pain and i wonder why he thought it was ok? I wonder how I can continue to plaster this fake smile I have made up and walk around like I’m ok. I don’t feel […]
a while ago, i read an article that says extreme prolonged loneliness is just as bad as obesity as far as lowering life expectancy. i think, good. i am both extremely lonely and obese. i hope it doubles my chance of dying early. sometimes i get little chest pains. i’m only 18. but when it happens, i think about how it would feel to have a heart attack. that’s how i’ll probably go, if i don’t do it first; my obesity + the stress of loneliness/depression/everything else will finally come crashing down onto me, like lightning, and i’ll be gone.
So basically i dont know what to do.
Ive had depression for a few years now. When i was about 8 my dad started to get drunk a lot and he would hit me randomly. At first i didnt care but as time went on he started to hit me more and harder. But when i was ten i told my dad i wanted to try boxing and then he stood up barely because he was drunk as fuck and he was like “so you want to do boxing?” Then he punched me as hard as he could and i cried a little and he […]
While my name is Jonas i constantly feel like Jonah from the bible. Stuck in a whale and i try praying but i always find that when i think I’m out it was just mania. My parents never listen to what i say. I think maybe i should be homeless at the shelter just to avoid my triggers. They think I’m tripping on drugs, and i am heavily addicted to DXM. I can’t smoke weed because I’m on probation. Because of me being a fool and hitting my ex for cheating on me. I’ve lost myself and all sense of reality. My family doesn’t believe […]
My name is Sandra, i’m 17 years old. I’m a daugther, a sister, a granddaugther, a niece, a cousin. I love animals, rain and reading. I don’t have any true friends. I’m introverted, i’m silent, i don’t like talking, i’m always sick, i feel very weak, i love being alone, i hate crying, i have lost a lot of people that are important to me, i have never fully enjoyed life, i’m not a loving person and i don’t even understand what love is, i’m insecure, i’m a really anxious person, i’m quite self destructive, i always try to give people hope, though i […]
Where do i start well first and most importantly i love my family but sometimes i feel they dont love me back.I have been having these thoughts for a while now,everything in my life is just gone wrong.For one i cant find a girlfriend but that’s mostly because deep down inside im really afraid of rejection.My sister is on dyalisis and needs a kidney,so me and my mother take of her together because my sisters father was deported a while ago and he has never took […]
today was a warm and beautiful day, and i wasted all of it inside. i want to die. they say these feelings are temporary. but they don’t know my feelings… i mean, sure, it goes away for a little while, but it always comes right back. like now. been crying off and on whenever i think of certain things, and so i try to distract myself to keep from thinking too much, but there’s nothing to distract me. it’s always at the front of my mind. i can see why some people would turn to drugs… i need to feel something, anything, other than this […]
my head hurts. i’m very depressed. i feel that fog descending on me again…
it’s 7:07 pm and i want out of this life. i want to be gone. i know it’s probably wrong of me to feel this way… i must be pretty selfish to even consider it. many people would tell me so… i mean, what about my family, right?? especially my mom… she would be wrecked if i did this to her… i am her ‘rock’, her only support. but, at the same time, i cannot help it. i feel this pull, this urge to go… i want so badly to go… […]
im 17 i live in the state of iowa and my parents dont want me to be with my boyfriend so right now they dont know im dating him they think im going and hanging out with his sister which i am but im also spending time with him and they dont know im with him and any ways i kinda want to run away but im scared because i dont want to get found and i want to take my pets with me but i know i cant and im so confused i really want to cry why i want out of the house […]
Hoy me vuelvo a sentir como una foto en la pared y no respiro para no hacer ruido.
(I feel again today like a picture on a wall and i don’t breathe so i don’t make any noise.)
One of the four beasts saying, Come and See.
and i saw.
Am I the Devil? No, of course not. How self-righteous. How presumptuous. A devil would relish in what I feel. Would strive to increase the agony inside of him. Then he’d share that agony.
I feel like if I keep going I’m going to start sharing.
Not like I haven’t thought about it before.
Maybe that’s what I have to do. Become less of a man. More of a monster.
History remembers monsters.
No one remembers a coward.
and i saw, and behold… a pale horse… and his name that sat on him…
Death.
I just turned 23 years old and im a Girl. and i have suicidal thoughts on and off for years. I believe it started in high school. It all began from my dad. He wis an alcoholic and bi polar and did steroids and a manic depressant etc. He didnt take his medicine for bi polar. My nightmare Of a life began in middle but it got really bad when i was about 15. He would get drunk and go in my room and lock me in there with him while he would get in my face, lay on top of me, throw me on […]
ok so about 9 months ago i started dating this guy named mike and we would last 3-4 months break up and get back together about 3 months ago we broke up and hardly talked for thoes three months but then about 2 weeks ago i started talking more to his sister cause shes pretty cool and then i startd talking to him again because this whole time we have been broken up hes all i can think about… well we made plans that after i worked saturday i would get picked up and go to mikes sisters house, kim, but then friday mike was […]
my medication stopped working, and i’m feeling suicidal again, i’ve had a problem with cutting for years now, but its gotten alot worse recently, does anybody have any good coping skills that aren’t, that read a book, draw a picture, love yourself, therapist crap?
im so scared of what i might do like i don’t wanna go to school anymore because i keep getting beat up and i don’t wanna leave my house i don’t know whats outside and I’m scared something will happen! i just wanna cut even when I’m happy i wanna cut i should be dead? am i worthless? i just wanna get better but i also just wanna die! is this normal? am i normal? i don’t think can do this for much longer…
being a human is the hardest thing i’ve ever had to be. And i don’t feel like myself anymore. And i’m so sad it hurts
i wish someone would help
ive attempted suicide many times before but now i dont know why but i keep telling people when at the same time i want to die maybe i just want someone to tell me its ok to go. my parents love me i just wish they didnt and my brother really cares about me but i wish i was alone. I talked to my ex girlfriend on the phone last night and told her for the past two weeks ive been thinking about suicide and she begged me not to but yet if i did she would never know she lives in tennessee and i […]