another day of wanting to be gone.

today was a warm and beautiful day, and i wasted all of it inside. i want to die. they say these feelings are temporary. but they don’t know my feelings… i mean, sure, it goes away for a little while, but it always comes right back. like now. been crying off and on whenever i think of certain things, and so i try to distract myself to keep from thinking too much, but there’s nothing to distract me. it’s always at the front of my mind. i can see why some people would turn to drugs… i need to feel something, anything, other than this painful depression and loneliness. i’m having to face the reality that i’m alone, i don’t even have my family to support me. i’m fighting this entirely alone. a one-girl army. pfft. what chance do i stand against the black dog, anyway? i just want to give up. i’m tired.