Does anyone have an answer for being lonely . . . yet hating people?
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answer
People ask all over the internet for a “gauranteed”, method of suicide, or “quick and painless” , or “like falling asleep”. The answer is so obvious it’s sad. With death flowing through my veins I’m an inch away from death every day. Don’t ask, I wont tell you because it’s just too easy.
When I first started writing on this website, which is February 2012, I was going through little things. I was a senior in high school worried about the way I look. Like crying everyday because I thought I was ugly, or crying because my peers would make fun of me and somebody told me to kill myself. And as I look back at those moments, I wish I didn’t let that little stuff bother me. Because It was nothing. It was little. Let’s fast forward to my third year of college. I am at the point in my life where death and the afterlife does […]
I need to know if I should. I mean I know that everyone I know would be better off, logically this makes sense. I also know that just by asking I have my answer, but that’s not enough. I am, and have done, what most people would consider unforgiveable. I am not religious. I do believe in reincarnation and genuinly thinkin make a better go if it next time round. I think my eife, friends and family deserve to be able to live their lives without the hassle or having me in them. I especially believe my wife could find true happiness if I wasn’t […]
I’ve never really done this before but, here I go-?
I once had a friend. I called him Smith at times. We’ve been close since we were little. Me and him were inseparable. In late 2010 he found out he had cancer. No one told me until 2013. I pretended to know in front of other friends. He died July 27th 2014. I can’t live with myself. it’s been half a year and I can’t move on. Why? I don’t know. I ask myself this constantly hoping for an answer. Why didn’t I treat him better. Maybe I did? Elias tells me I did. But I […]
One thing happened. This one thing was so similar to what had happened in the past. It was horrible, shameful, embarrassing, and suddenly I felt as helpless as I has two years ago when I almost killed myself.
Two years ago after confessing to my mother that I wanted to die, I began seeing a therapist, got medicated, and slowly began to feel better. I have had two great years. I slowly distanced myself from the things that made me feel suicidal or just things I associated with bad feelings. I kept many of my relationships, but distanced the ones that had hurt me in the […]
Yes, we ask it all the time. But, do we even want to listen the answer?
I’ve been wondering if someone would notice how down I am and ask me if I’m ok… and then just sit and really listen.
But then I realized I don’t remember the last time I was sincerely interested in how someone was doing.
So, why should I expect from others what I’m not able to give?
When I write in English, it looks funny to me, with all those capital “I” around. It’s kind of symptomatic.
I haven’t posted on here in a while…my last note was sort of melodramatic. A lot has happened since then. I won’t delve into it.
I think I might have an answer. An answer to my depression, my self-harm, my self-consciousness. For years I haven’t felt comfortable in public, around other people. I’ve felt like a giraffe in a group of flamingos. Weird analogy, I know.
I’m a teen female, by the way. But for a while I’ve identified as more androgynous. I haven’t expressed this feeling openly (my family isn’t really open-minded). I feel more confident wearing gender-neutral/transmasculine clothing. But put me in bright tops, and…I’d fucking faint […]
Hello,
I am sure that all of you have heard your share of troubles, so I will spare the details. Suffice to say that I need a reason to continue on. I have been up and down, and lower. One of my shrinks always tells me that you can only feel as high as you have been low. . .I have yet to submerge into that euphoria. I struggle to find any real reason to continue on. What is the point? Share a couple laughs with others? Live a monotonous; day to day life. I’ve traveled, performed for people from just about every class level, studied, […]
If I were to describe myself in one word it would be just that: weak. I hate myself so much I can’t stand to look in the mirror everyday. I hate myself for allowing all of these awful things to happen to me. If I would have just listened to my gut instinct and walked away from a lot of situations (including meeting you), I wouldn’t be in this position right now. I hate you and more importantly, I hate myself for not staying away from you. You have completely wrecked every part of my life and I know that it gives you an immense […]
I don’t want to be dead. I don’t want to live. Limbo is the only answer. Sorry no cheer here- but I do mean the things I posted to threads today. But still- blah.
Friends. Something I do have an abundance of, especially “friends” that I do not wish to be friends with. I was asked by one of these hanger-oner’s the other day why I never have parties and I never gave him an answer.
I have grown to hate him for asking that question.
I’ve put a lot of thought into this and I finally have an answer, an answer I’m not proud of.
I attended a party once hosted by my brother, it was a “out of school” party. The last day of school a bunch of my brothers mates were supposed to come over […]
They asked me if I was suicidal. Rather, they asked me if I was intending on harming myself or anyone else. Of course, I could never build up the courage to lay a finger on someone, let alone stab them or fatally injure them. But, I wanted out. And I would have escaped had I not been born a coward. If I weren’t such a goddamn coward I would not be typing this hoping I’ll get some answers. My story isn’t very long, for I am not very old, and I’ll only tell if you want. It’s nothing special; in fact I wonder how it […]
Why did this happen to me? Why did I fall so deep into this dark hole which engulfs my spirit? Why does this hole block out love, peace, and happiness? Why must I feel such hatred and anger towards others? I could ask “why” millions of times, but i won’t get an answer. I’ve tried for years, trying to find an answer. My mom told me to pray as a kid, that God would answer all my questions. Well where was God when I needed him in my darkest hours? In the hours I held a gun to my head, or popped a few pills. […]
why is death the only answer? what happen if i succeed only to find that it hurts on the other side? where does this anguish come from and why cant i beat it? why cant i be a normal person? why do so many of us suffer from this? why cant life be simple and easy? why do people prevent me from having work, a place to live and food to eat? why cant i abide by the rules? so many questions, too few answers
Dear mind,
Dear mind, why do you present me with the same old questions I can never find an answer for ?…
Dear mind, why do you continuously spin and make me feel like this room of silence is a room full of sin?
Dear mind, why do you continue to play these scenes and make me hear all these foul things?
Dear mind, please let me escape just this one night, so maybe I can find some sort of fight??
Do you ever feel like you have no reason for being. Almost like you were just left on earth to wonder why you have to live in the first place.
I mean I have tried to feel like everyone happy like things are simple, but WHY i mean I tried college I try to work hard and it almost seems people
go out of their way just to make you feel like shit. Then you find one thing to hold onto and it becomes toxic like helping family or friends. you put your heart and soul into trying to be level headed and peaceful for them and […]
Will drinking help with suicide? I need a serious answer.
sorry i missed you, next time i’ll answer
Teachers,
I need you to understand that teens in your class struggle to answer a math problem, a book question, or 50 questions on a test, not because they don’t know the answer but because they’re struggling with life. When you call on a kid because you don’t think they’re “paying attention”, just remember that, that kid pays attention to every little thing. Remember that kid contemplated ending their life that night bc of people who suck. So excuse us teens for not being able to focus in class, when we’re too busy focusing on what that mean ***** said to us right before class. […]