I was prescribed Ativan for my anxiety, but wen I took it, that shit made me feel so horrible I thought I had relapsed back to day one, before admission to the hospital. So tonight since my urges to cut are bad still, and haven’t subsided at all….my mom suggested I take Xanax which has taken the place of Ativan. More then likely gonna zombify me since I took it with my Seroquel….ugh.
If I have my flexril, ultram and Ativan counted out, does that mean I’m ready? I can’t stop thinking bout taking them. I can stop thinking bout makin the pain go away. Does that mean I’m ready?
I’ve stopped caring bout gettin up and showering, I’ve stopped wanting or needed other human contact, are these signs that its time? My phone is off more than its on, even if its on I no longer answer it. Can’t remember the last time I actually spoke to a person.
AM I READY?
I think I am, I can’t think of a good reason to stay.
I’m a piece of shit. I talked to an ex boyfriend via text for a month and didn’t tell my husband. He found out and now he has moved out to straighten things out in his head. He says he wants to work on getting back together but I can’t stand the pain of him being gone. Of him not holding or kissing me. It hurts and all I want to do is die. I have no one to talk to and I feel hopeless I don’t know what to do. It hurts so bad I just want to take a bottle of Ativan and […]
Hello! They say writing and sharing your experiences can be therapeutic, and in my case that is especially true. So, today I thought I’d take a moment to sit down and have a little chat with all of you.
My story really begins about 8-9 months ago. I was going through a rough time, I had just found out I have a lump in my spine. In the past years I have been diagnosed with:
Reynauds Disease
Fibromyalgia
Osteoporosis (in my neck)
Osteoarthritis (neck, again)
Heart Arrhythmia
Severe Insomnia […]
For some strange reason, all ive thought about today is my mom. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia about 6 years ago, and since then, she hasnt been the same. She functions fairly normally, but she seems sad a lot. She gets happy, but it dissapears really fast. I worry about her a lot because she doesnt eat a lot and shes extremely OCD about her food. We cant go near her while shes eating or she wont eat her food. She rarely eats everything she makes and always gives the remainder of her food away. Shes always extremely stressed. When shes mad or upset she […]
I keep having mental and nervous breakdowns over the stupidest things. For one, when ever i think of my job (subway) i wanna break down crying because i hate it so much. Just having the dog pee on my bed will set me off into a huge crying and sobbing episode that will last for hours. I have panic attacks when that happens. I am seeing a psychiatrist and i dont know how to bring up the fact that i think i need xanax or ativan or something because when i have those episodes i become very suicidal. I have bipolar by the way so […]
i hate my anxiety. i hate my mental illness. i can’t work because of it. working terrifies me. every time I’ve went to a job interview I’ve had a panic attack or have had to take an Ativan and have been to drugged to be lucid enough to be interviewed. the older i get and the less work experience i acquire the worse it will get. eventually I’ll be 30 applying for a job. and an employer will see my application and ask why a 30 year old has never worked before. and I’ll have to say its because I’m mentally ill. there’s a lot […]
this ativan they put me on is making me feel really weird.
i have had three attempts.
!. od on vicodin, got sick, pain for over a week following, think i did permanent liver damage
2. od on ativan/ambien, friend called 911, transport to hospital, don’t remember much, forced to drink charcoal, hospitalized in mental ward
3. strangulation, friend found me, cut tube off my neck, damaged throat & had difficulty swallowing
if i try again i am going to drink a lot of alcohol, take a bottle of of ativan & hang myself from a bridge near my house. i have the rope and i have been practicing tying noose knots. i’m pretty good at it now.
Tired of the same thing. Every day. Feeling like garbage, wishing I was normal. Â
Sick of feeling sorry for myself, thinking about my problems instead of helping myself or others.  I recognize that I am self absorbed, but I can’t stop these thoughts. I want them to go away, but they don’t. I’ve tried Diazepam, Ativan, Effexor. They didn’t help me feel better, they just made me feel like a zombie; Neither good nor bad. I spoke to a medical doctor, a therapist, a psychologist, a parent, and a friend. They helped me hang on. Told me pleasant lies to subdue my anxiety and placate my mood, at least for those moments I was with them. But […]