I fell like I’m walking down a long dark hallway….feeling the walls trying to find the light….searching and searching….never being able to find it….the hallway goes on forever…..never ending but always dark…..sometimes I feel like I’ve found it…a way out…..a door that escapes from the long dark halls….but someone or something keeps pulling me back in…..I’m a prisoner to these dark halls….waiting and waiting for a way out….
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I love u so much…..I don’t think you realize how what you do affect me…..you cry I cry, you laugh I laugh…..I would give my life to save yours…..your very existence means the world to me…..your existence is the reason I still exist myself…..if anything ever happened to you a part of me would disappear…..and not just a little part that can be fixed and mended over time…..a giant hunk of me…..a part of me that can never be just taped back together with time….a part of me that would forever be broken…..I don’t know if I would be able to go on wothoght you….The […]
I have a block deep in my mind.
Not as simple as to describe as a writers block or an artists block.
No.
This block is much different. It cannot be fixed by just walking away and coming back later.
My block is purely mental.
I cannot feel happiness.
Now let me make something clear. It’s not that I do not wat to feel happiness. It’s that I physically cannot.
It feels like I am empty. Like someone has ripped my heart and lungs out.
I am drowning in myself.
And I dont think there is any escape.
Someone save me.
I have so many things to do this week and I’m having trouble bringing myself to do them. I’m just focusing on how shitty I’ve been feeling these past few days. How do I snap out of it? I thought I was feeling better yesterday or at least beginning to feel better but I guess I wasn’t because now it’s coming all back. I can’t afford to feel this way right now. I feel like most of the time I try to suppress how I feel because I always have something to do. Something is always due, and I always have some sort of exam […]
just saw a christmas countdown on the news.37 days til christmas.where the fuck did the time go?
now i’m all anxious since i haven’t found a job, been unemployed for almost a year.and it’s crushing me since i promised myself that i would make our family’s 2014 holiday celebrations grand.i’ll fund it, make my parents happy and proud,be the best eldest sis giving presents to my siblings.give grown-up gifts to my relatives as a sign of gratitude.bake a lovely cake, impress my bf and his family.
shit, i’m not going to be able to do any of that.none of that.i’m a fucking disgrace, a loser.it’s making […]
Night time sucks. I just lay here infested by terrible memories of a better time. I miss her. I shouldn’t but I do. She is the love of my life and the ignition of my ruin. I’m not going to do what I’m going to do because of her but because she’s gone. And I did it. I ended it. I wanted to be free of the burden of knowledge, but some shit just sticks. The worst part of it is the happiest memories of her are the ones that hurt the most. The ones I can’t purge. It’s an everlasting thorn in my flesh. […]
No point in living im am just giving up but I cant do it cause I can’t live with out her but I don’t even know if she still likes me we took a break and we still haven’t talk since its been about 3 weeks. When I first met her I was thinking about killing my self but we become good friends and then we dated she saved my life she never knew I was feeling like that cause I was scared to tell her. I don’t know what to do and my old feelings are coming back about ending it all. ;(
When I was in my 20s, I had some problems in business and with the criminal courts so now I have criminal records and a horrible reputation online. I used to have a lot of money so I moved to Asia and found my escape/happiness.
Now I have no money so I moved back to my country to live with my parents while I try to find a job doing something online. I am now in my early 40s, unemployed, getting fat, lonely, cold, losing hope.
It’s been 2 months and I’m getting nowhere and feel very unhappy. I cannot get a job (due to my […]
Where do I start?? I’ve been depressed for as long as I can remember. No really as far back as I can recall I have never really been happy. I guess I could clue you in on all the bs that has led me here. But really it’s a story you’ve heard before. Maybe not all from the same person but pieced together from multiple people like some sort of f@$#!d up jigsaw puzzle. I’m obviously thinking about death (particularly mine). Otherwise I wouldn’t be here. I don’t have any friends. There is really only one person (in the flesh) who is here for me. […]
I’m 36, I’ve dealt with suicidal thoughts for years. I’ve attempted it a couple of times. I’ve been sinking back into depression again and I want to die. I have a son, who is the only reason I haven’t ended my life yet. I worry about him. He’s a cutter. My boyfriend and I are having problems. I think he’s cheating on me and last night we had a physical altercation. I’m badly bruised and sore today. In 2 years, he’s never done that. I don’t know why he is now. I have no one to talk to. I’ve thought about taking pills and driving […]
It’s been a while since I have been here 1 year. I deleted my other posts to start fresh.
I tried to be happy until up about a month ago. I tried to be positive. I ended up right back where I started and I don’t want to relapse. But it’s so hard. I feel worthless. Sometimes I think to myself is life worth living? But then again I’m just sad and I need to stop. But I can’t. These thoughts over run my mind. I just don’t know anymore.
Hi Everyone,
I guess you might say I’ve been ‘trolling’ on here now & then but more so lately. I’m not sure when I signed up but especially this weekend & I posted a few comments. Not very helpful ones, just the “I get it” kind.
Anyway, I guess it’s time I said hello & told my story. I’ll try not to get too detailed.
I am a 46 yr old, married mother of 2 boys 7 & 10. They are all great but I don’t know what I thought motherhood would be. For some reason (possibly the fairy tale we are led to believe in by society?) […]
Tunes in the drop
Indeed, dead and sinking
Nobody and everything
The light that I don’t have
Shining all around
The only that isn’t natural
Something growing from outside
Shining all around
The hazard of all arrive
From the pierce underground
Looking from space and is everything right
Dragonyte, fly me back from never never-land
Take me, are you “Angel”
Only isn’t alive
Continuum there is a vacuum of void in spiritual
That is only, left from the arcane, tied and upside-down
You are the Sacred-Clown, I bow down
Something […]
“If only there was a way I would not see another day. A year has gone without these thoughts in my mind, but now that peace is all behind. Another sleepless night beneath an indifferent sky convinces me that I should die.”
What a pathetic excuse is this gallows poetry. It’s typical of me. A useless narcissistic ploy to call attention to myself by some second grade rhymes.
The truly exceptional people in this world don’t need to call attention to themselves. It’s only an arrogant fool who needs to compensate for his inferiority by saying, “Look at me! Look at me! See how clever I […]
Last time I wrote on here I thought I was feeling bad. Well, I’m worse now. And what makes it harder to deal with, is that everyone saw me get better and believe that’s still the case. After my parents spoke to my psychiatrist few months back they were so stressed and worried about me being depressed and suicidal. I don’t want to put them through that again. My best friend has enough troubles to deal with, I don’t want her to worry about me as well. It just sucks that I would do so much harm if I spoke about it and I feel […]
I sometimes go to bed thinking everything will be better the next day and that my life is just a bad dream. And when I wake up reality snaps back in to me and than I remember. I am an embarrassment to the family according to my father and I am useless to society. My goal is to inform others of what I live trough everyday.
I have had depression as long as I can remember, I am 36 years old and was recently diagnosed with treatments resistant depression. I have always told my husband that it didn’t matter what medication I was on, my depression always comes back. That diagnosis was why and the last thing I needed to hear. I am now even more hopeless that, yet again, new meds seemed to be working but have now stopped.
I am a nurse and I know there are many treatments/meds etc to try but I have tried so much, I see a psychiatrist monthly and a therapist weekly as well as […]
I inherited a genetic disease from my dad. For 65 years I have dealt with intermittent back pain that ties me to my bed/recliner. When my back is hurting, even riding in a car is unbearable. When this happens, I feel like I’m living on Oxycontin. Worse, there isn’t anything I (or the docs) can do about this except wait it out and take drugs.
But then the pain goes away and I feel great — which makes people think I’m faking it and/or looking for sympathy. I don’t know what’s worse–the pain or the fact that people just don’t “get” it. Even my family doesn’t […]
I found my soulmate the love of my life we’re getting married next spring. But my anxiety depression psycosis and other things make me want to gravitate toward the drugs I promised I’d never take I’ve done half of all the ones I know of weed crank coke etc. I’m thinking about going back to cutting at least that’s what I think is best for me you know? My thoughts about my self have gone to the worst point they’ve been on in a while. My Ed has came back taken control of me I just wanna say fuck it but for my love I […]
Last year I was hospitalized and then I went to a residential treatment facility to be treated for an extreme depressive episode. I remember self-admitting to the behavioral health unit. I was so out of place. I had never had an experience like that. I’ve never used drugs, and in my group therapy sessions I saw first hand how much pain addiction caused.
It’s been a year since I was released. I’ve visited with a therapist, and I’m still seeing my psychiatrist.
After all of this, my thoughts of suicide are creeping back in. I read a story about two teenage girls who killed themselves, and one […]