Everyday when I wake up I feel disappointed and just want to go back to sleep, but forever and never have to wake up again.
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When you just wanna go back to being that girl you are but you have to hide, well I wanna I just want to go to my room and cut my arms and feel better but how the fuck will that work all that’s gonna happen is for parents to get pissed off and kick me out but I’m not that perfect daughter not anymore now I’m different and in a girl who has to put on a fake smile and be faking happiness but nobody accepts me for who I am please tell me how to get out this hole again
i kept myself extremely busy and productive today to take my mind off of everything. it worked pretty well too. i went to my college and attended my two classes for today. i got a lot of homework done for my courses, took care of the remaining things for financial aid, etc. i felt like i accomplished a lot today, i was even a little proud of myself, until night time arrived….
whats the point of any of it? why am i still trying? im absolutely miserable with myself. the only person who could make this better is the person who shattered my fucking heart. i […]
I don’t know anything nothing I feel so fucking crazy and out of control i don’t know what happened the other night I chain smoked three black and mild I’ve never chain smoked before my whole body’s been shaking for three days something’s wrong with my cats Elmo is starting to go bald on his back and it scares me they have vet appointment Friday i have no friends I’m scared for Ryan I probably ruin everything like I always do I don’t know what to think I’ve never never had anxiety before until he first left my first anxiety attack scared me and i […]
I don’t honestly know what to say so i’ll just start typing and hope it works. so for the most part my life hasn’t been the worst I grew up mostly in a trashy trailer park my dad left the day i was born. i also got bullied when i was little i would come home with bruise, cuts, scraps quite often there where some older gets who would beat on me. it wasn’t to bad then it started when i was about 4 but i had a few friends so i could take it. but in second grade my mom forced me to switch […]
I best introduce myself first, I’ve been bouncing on and off with depression for quite some time now and have now reached the age of 34. As a teenager my mates took drugs and i eventually caved in at 14 and started what i thought was a softer drug and began smoking cannabis which then led me onto higher things like magic mushrooms etc. After being led down a life of crime i broke away and became leading an almost normal life over the age of twenty, marijuana being my main fault line. It wasn’t until a few years ago i started recognising the inner […]
Yes, I want to crawl in a hole an die sometimes.
Yes, I want to slash my wrists.
Yes, sometimes blood is on my hands.
But no, that does not mean I’m never happy. Chocolate makes me happy. Lana Del Rey makes me happy. Music makes me happy. Learning how to play the piano makes me happy. Words make me happy.
When you smile at a stranger and they smile back, it’s moments like those that make me happy. And I know, this is sappy. Somedays, I will post deathly dark stuff on here that is, at best, cringe-worthy. But you know what? It’s different today. Hopeful.
Here’s to being […]
I need to get Ryan out of there. we have little contact, because his phone broke. he is the one I love most in this world. I wake up crying every single day and I feel like he feels trapped. I pray for him multiple times a day even after saying God doesn’t exist. I try to contact Ryan from his dad’s phone, only to have his dad tell me to never call or text his phone again. my parents don’t care about my problems, I pushed all my friends away, I have nobody that really wants to be around me anymore because I’m so […]
New here. I have battled bi-polar and major depression for years. Spent almost 4 years more in the hospital than out of it. Been on enough meds to support a pharmacy, 18 ECT treatments, you name it. From when I was first diagnosed, at 21, until I was 33, I had one therapist who stuck with me, no matter what. And I threw some major drama at him back in the day. It has seemed that I have to rise from the ashes every day, and each time, there is less of me there. Now 45, My physical health has deteriorated; back surgery, thyroid problems, […]
The feeling of being hurt can not fully be described unless you feel it.. you feel it in your soul, in everything you do.. its around you and eventually becomes you and defines you.
Being hurt cuts like a knife.
Once you feel it so many times, you begin to convince yourself that this is how it’s meant to be for you. That feeling of constant rejection, confession, DISAPPOINTMENT.
Hurt can not be covered up with words. Words fade. But hurt doesn’t. You only learn to live with it but once you learn, your hurt all over again, only this time it’s greater than before… […]
I’m 20 a mom and a wife, yet I still feel like suicide may be the only option to make everything better. My life isn’t that bad but all the physical and emotional abuse I’ve went through has added up and made me feel like it’s finally time to cut myself off. For a while I realized my life wasn’t that bad to where suicide had to be an option. Recently tho my husband has come out and told all that he doesn’t like about me. I’m pretty but have a mommy belly. When I was pregnant I gained over 100 pounds from eating, then […]
i shouldnt have this much pain inside of me. i dont have it nearly as bad as other people. i have a loving mother, roof over my head, clothes on my back, food in my tum, a beautiful car, etc. yet i still feel broken inside. all because of her. why couldnt she love me again? why does she have to move far away and leave me here? she couldve made me the happiest man in the world. nobody will ever love her as much as i do. i cant take feeling this way. once shes gone and my mother passes, i will be empty, […]
I tried to kill myself last month. I had wanted to kill myself for several years now, but it wasn’t until last month that I found the intense suicidal drive to plan an almost certainly lethal attempt. It took around 15 days to go from the decision to getting to a place where I could actually do it. But when I got there, with my handgun and my suicide notes, I just couldn’t do it. I tried so hard to pull the trigger, but I wasn’t psychologically prepared to kill myself. I’d still rather be dead than alive, but I just don’t have the psychological […]
Through visions warped by God’s lament
I see the hell I can’t prevent
my angels died and heaven’s cracked
I made my choice and can’t go back
the road of ruin shatters the soul
but I walk this path because I swore
that nothing’s worth much more than pain
and the ecstasy within my veins
Nah, will y’all quit worrying!
I’m too full of life to die just yet.
Have you noticed how seemingly every other poster here expresses the wish to ‘die in their sleep’?
Folks, it doesn’t work like that!
I find people tend to know me far better than I know myself.
And it’s not for the want of trying…
I just can’t make myself out.
This isn’t a bleeding poem. I f*****g hate poetry! Next time you wanna post something on here, make it goddamn prose!
I write like this to make it easy for you mentally challenged guys to understand lol.
I’ve got a new phone and it won’t connect to the Internet. My […]
back again. and again. and again. why won’t it stop?? i wish it would stop coming back. that feeling of worthlessness and hopelessness. the utter lack of happiness. it never leaves, just goes to sleep for awhile. almost 3 years now. but now its back and im scared and alone and i cant get out of this hole. i dont want to be here anymore. please just make it stop. i want out. but i’m trapped in this fucking circle and i cant get away from it. sadness. depression. anger. death. the only things i can count on to never leave
This is my first post… I’m not really sure what to say or how to begin…I’m not seeking attention or guidance per say, I only feel the need to vent.
All I know is that I cannot remember the last time I truly felt happy and content in my life. I suppose I won’t go into much detail, but I guess it started when my mom went to jail for the first time a few years back.
I struggled with my life over the next few years, and I still do. But lately I’ve just felt it hard. I don’t want to continue on with my life. […]
Today was my first day of school. I was really worried about how everything would turn out. It’s not the worst school in the world, but there are some really messy situations you can find yourself in if you aren’t careful. I’m usually pretty safe, but there are kids who are in local gangs, and it doesn’t take much to piss them off. One kid was beaten up for wearing a wristband that was a rival gang color, and he wasn’t even in a gang! I’m happy there’s a uniform code this year.
Anyhow, things were better than I thought they would be for the most […]
Last monday marked the year mark since I tried to commit suicide, it’s been a very hard three years, somedays I just break down crying wondering how I ever got to this point in my life. I’ve been this way my whole life, I can remember suffering with depression as a child waiting to grow up thinking I would grow out of this. Thinking that the heavy sadness I felt was just a phase. It’s a sadness that has taken over my life and i wonder how different things would have been if only I had, had the courage to seek help when I was […]
I’ve never been the kind of girl that you would look at and know deep down she wants to kill herself. I got straight A’s, was social and love to perform in front of people. I guess I always have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts though. To me it has always been a matter of when I would do it. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known that something was wrong with me when I would have to fake laugh with my friends but at any given moment I could have just stopped and been emotionless or when I […]