I’m never good enough, I never make the right decisions, according to everyone else. I managed to pull A’s and B’s out of my ass when my mother passed away. I went back to classes two weeks after my entire life was destroyed before my eyes and yet I passed a university semester with flying colors. So, I tell my parents, being my step mother and father that I want to take an aerial silks class to, you know..do something for myself for once. I am a straight A student, I personal train three days a week and I hold a really good job, and yet when I mentioned a class I wanted to take, let alone the fact that it is only once a week, I get the typical “But you have classes!” “Will you be able to handle that?” and my thought is “YES! now get off of my god damn back” Im a young adult, I have my own house, I pay my own bills, I have a lot of responsibility for someone so young. So, when I get knocked down after bringing up one idea, yeah I get a little pissed off. Give me a fucking break (excuse my language) but it’s frustrating. Just let me be my own self for once, I always feel like I have to have my step mothers approval for everything when I don’t.
So, I paid for eight weeks of classes and I’m really excited. And it is stupid that I feel good about starting up and yet guilty that my parents don’t know I signed up. I feel this urge of “I don’t care what you think!” I mean, I just always want my parents to be proud of me but I’m not going to let my step mother control everything I do. I love her to death and she’s literally the only mom I have left but that’s not a reason to let her get into my head. I don’t know why I’m ranting about this, am I crazy?
I’ve honestly grown quite the back bone, maybe too much of a back bone. An innocent girl who doesn’t tolerate attitude of any sort, but when it comes to my step mother I feel conquered all the time. Almost defeated. I can’t describe it.
I just want people to be happy for me. I want to be happy for me.
2 comments
You’re on the right track. Do what you want with your life; it’s your life, and I think your parents will learn to deal with it. You definitely do sound like you have quite the back bone, enough of one to extend it to your stepmother. If you feel guilty for not telling them, maybe you should tell them, and explain how you need to take this class and you would like them to be happy for you and recognise that you’re responsible enough to handle this.
You’re on the right track. Do what you want with your life; it’s your life, and I think your parents will learn to deal with it. You definitely do sound like you have quite the back bone, enough of one to extend it to your stepmother. If you feel guilty for not telling them, maybe you should tell them, and explain how you need to take this class and you would like them to be happy for you and recognise that you’re responsible enough to handle this.