I’m never good enough, I never make the right decisions, according to everyone else. I managed to pull A’s and B’s out of my ass when my mother passed away. I went back to classes two weeks after my entire life was destroyed before my eyes and yet I passed a university semester with flying colors. So, I tell my parents, being my step mother and father that I want to take an aerial silks class to, you know..do something for myself for once. I am a straight A student, I personal train three days a week and I hold a really good job, and […]
Here I am at nearly 2am, still watching boring tv, still wide awake.
Ive already taken 10 mercyndol in hopes that it will make me sleepy & dull jy back pain, but all I have is a headache!
Gahh why can’t I sleep?!
This is so short but seriously, I Hate School. I don’t want to go back to the place which is borderline jail. Who wants to wake up and be constantly judged for 7 whole long hours of the day? I’m fine without thank you.
Also it smells of sweat. Gross or what? I don’t know.
That’s what my life feels like. It’s that pathetic. The people I want to talk to are all there in front of me, but they’re not looking back to see me reaching out for them. I want to think that there are people behind me that would listen, but I can’t turn back to see for sure. Every once in a while the line moves enough that I get to talk to a perfect stranger, but they can’t help. So what else is there to do but go to the back of the line?
I am so beyond lowest of low points that I have given up on everything. I couldnt be bothered showering, brushing my teeth, washing clothes even eating. I don’t sleep one day just so I can sleep through the next. I am in immense pain from my back and my rotting teeth.
I once cared so much about my health and my appearance. Where did it go wrong?
Finally my doctor is listening to me & trying to help. Why now after nearly a year of seeing him, telling him my troubles, what I want to do, does he now want to do something?
I made my very […]
Trust.
That word alone makes me confused. It’s something you give to someone and expect them to respect it. I gave that to a couple people and a couple people abused that. Someone close to me, he abused it. What he did changed my view on him forever. He didn’t do much but it was enough to cause my body to tense up and I was paralyzed with confusion and fear.
Why did he touch me that way? Did he think I was my mother? Being intoxicated changes what you see. I don’t know really, I was practically a hold still. It scares me thinking that he […]
Has anyone never let anyone in before. Not out of fear but simply not caring enough and then met someone who they thought walked on water and was prepared to die for. I love her so much, it’s been 10 months 3 weeks and 2 days since she left me. It’s not like I’m a loner or anything I know loads of people who love and care about me. I could get another girlfriend who’s more attractive. But there’s something about her, I just adore and I don’t know why. It doesn’t make any sense and isn’t logical at all. She has confirmed repeatedly she’d […]
I’ve hated myself for over a year now. Everything from my face to my personality makes me want to cringe. And it makes me feel so lonely, as if there will never be anyone who loves me because I can’t even love myself.
It makes me feel as if I deserve to die, as if I deserve the hell-hole that is depression. I’ve dug myself deep into a hole and I don’t know how to get out. I don’t know how to look at the mirror and not cry at the reflection that stares back at me.
How is it possible to feel so lonely and sad […]
Hello everyone,
Just found this site and it’s brilliant. No one to talk to but here. I’ve always been pretty emotionally dead in side, not setting out to hurt people or anything just never really felt anything. Met this girl in my late teens and that all changed, I was madly in love and genuinely cared for another human being. Four years and a child who I adore. However then she starts going out drinking with new friends, I didn’t care until I kept catching her lying. One night she goes back with someone else and I kick through the door and the police remove me! She […]
So just as the title states, I think life is basically pointless. I actually dug myself into this depressive hole my thinking about life and what the meaning/reason/purpose is. I basically ran through the ideas of waking up every morning to go to school/work/etc. and having to do whatever. Every. single. day. That is all I see of life; waking up to do stuff, reach goals, “accomplish” things, and then face our inevitable demise. Yep. So we basically live to die, how meaningful *note sarcasm*.
A great example of how I see things is like the myth of Sisyphus, in which he was cursed to just […]
iam not sure if it was the 5 years of heavy drinking or what..but i no longer feel joy..or happiness..i either feel normal or depressed….this is torture…i dont really want to die..i just want my emotions back..ive been put on anti depressants but my mood is the same….
I hate being in pain my back n muscles hurt why. I really want to get better but I don’t know how long I can wait before I just give in my spine is curved it messing up my whole body because the spine has a whole bunch of nerves n it makes me feel awful about myself I don’t want this pain
Tonight is awful. I’m close to tears, I feel very alone and unwanted. For the first time in months, I’ve actually considered hurting myself. I know that won’t help, but it’s so tempting. Since losing my therapist and many friends 3 weeks ago, I fell back hard into my already bad depression, making things worse.
I have no clue what to do anymore. I question myself. Am I good? Does my past make me bad? Am I loveable? School gets under my skin. Also, my impending birthday is looming over me like a giant, and my past is a scary dark forest around me.
I’m just lost. […]
It comes back and just consumes me and even when I try to feel I can’t. I feel empty and I’m alone I should feel sad but instead I feel nothing. Ugh it is the most annoying thing ever! I watched a movie recently, one of those rare weird movies that people typically don’t tend to watch. And I made such a connection I felt understood like I could understand, of course on certain levels because not each person and situation is the same. But I shared a similar pain and it sucks and im so numb this very second that I don’t care enough […]
My Body is hurting like crazy I hope my pain has a limit because I’m so tired of it all damn muscles spasms n it’s too much pain I have pills but I choose not to take them my spine n back feel like the springs on a slinky going forward I have a few friends I like to chat with n to maybe help me to get better in a way by making me laugh n at times I just don’t know whether I want to just throw in the towel n say I’m done with life it seems I’ve been waiting […]
Somehow i always end up back here… back to my blog thats held my darkest secrets. I guess i find some comfort in that sp will always be here to listen. ive turned to tumblr recently which ive been venting on… but on here its different. every time i come on i feel like ive lost a battle; except this time i can truthfully say i dont want to die; i have so much more living to do… but i am so sad. i’m lonely and i hate feeling this way. I feel anxious all the time, i feel helpless, alone and i hate living […]
Hey my name is Ricky n I am going through a lot of trouble with my spinal scoliosis n my anxiety issues. Plus at times I have had a lot of questionable things that I need help my spine is killing me it hurts from.my name all the way down to where my butt bone. I’m tired I can’t sleep well Its So annoying at times my shoulder bones n ribs feel like they’re getting twisted all over the place my back n everything else on.my body it’s so bothersome. N feel a lot of negativity in my life at the moment I have a […]
Helping other people cope with their problems for ages but when it comes to me, they’re never there. I’m a happy person. No I’m not. I don’t know what I am but all I know is that I need help. I can’t go on when I’m this alone. I’ve been strong for too long and now I’m trapped. The happy girl during the day, but crying myself to sleep at night. I just need help… I’m sick of this. I want to go back to being helpful, but when I’m breaking I can’t even stop someone from feeling down? I only want to be happy […]
every time my family talk behind my back,it realy hurt so much,
for a long time even now my famil help me,they support me to….
everyone tinks they are lovely,so do i,i can never except that they have talk behind my back… I cannot let them go..
i used to be a huge cheater,i am a big disgrace,i have had sex with many women,many relationship in my 50 pluss year…of my life,,, i have 3 children,my youngest is 16,
my ex wife an i raised our kids for many years,she wouldn’t give me sex anymore,one day i get angry at her, she takes the kids,but i still get […]
Coming up on that date, August 30th, that night last year when I should have (and maybe actually did) die.
I still go back there often not to remember that night but for other reasons unrelated.
So what has happened in a year? I believe I am here for a reason. I found out some people care, some don’t. Overall, I could still be happy leaving this world,, although I have found someone to love, and someone I know loves me, which makes things different in a […]