She’s planned to end it when we get back from vacation. When the real world comes back into our relationship. Get back the day before my 18th birthday just a few days away now. Tonight was the first night I thought I could possibly have the courage to do it. I don’t want to hurt her more. I wish I could do it and it not hurt her at all. She’s the light in my life my sunshine. Without her my world is a very dark place. And I don’t like the dark
through the deepest depths. you brought me back from doom.
you are the carrier, the lasso.
is your spectrum so deep that you will reach.
never uniting, the story of the lost.
Lapras are oh so mysterious, too.
the water universe. the golden age.
a million years under the sea.
Gyrados, the trident.
Polywag, Polywhirl, Polywrath. our mankind.
the butterfly of the dead sound.
what is in the depths of darkness, under the sea.
why is the population of water pok. so low in the vast ocean.
the ecosystem of the lost and mystery.
the ying and the yang. one, versus the world.
celestial princess in our dying habitat.
it’ll be like…… we’re gonna go die……
or….. I just […]
If you can’t trust your own mind, can you really trust anything at all? I live in complete uncertainty, I can’t rely on myself or my own feelings. I constantly feel a whole bunch of nothing, or a whole bunch of everything. One day I’ll be head over heals for someone, and without warning I’ll wake up the next day and the only thing I feel for them is completely platonic, strictly friendly. The only thing I’ve found that feels right in this galaxy of wrong is completely impossible, a slap in the face. I vow never to have feelings for anyone, so why am […]
Rip, Johnny. Back when Toonami.
In this world, where does a dying stranger go to.
A crew of true camaraderie. Walking in the beat of life, and death.
Don’t forsaken nobody the sound of the ukulele.
Crew, where are you. I need you today.
Now. I need you now. The time when the world reverses.
Back. The hourglass to zero. Now you can walk to the steps of infinity.
Every hit. Every line. Every breath. Praying for my life, to you.
Every day it gets harder. Stuck, the purple muk and weezing.
Will I ever live, forever the steps of doom.
Got to bust a ductrio. Kobra, […]
feeling really sad and weepy today. why exactly i don’t know. went to see the shrink today. it is time to change meds again. going to try ( if insurance co lets me) viibrid. read some reviews about it. like everything else it is a savior for some and horrible for others. they all mentioned weight gain as a side effect. great. already feeling and looking bovinian as it is. having lots of trouble with my sense of taste. lots of things don’t taste good anymore, or after a few bites there is no taste at all. perhaps it is time to go back to […]
ive been madly inlove with this boy for over a year now, we dated for 9 months, before i ruined everything. my parents were fighting so bad and it just seemed that since i thought they hated me, i thought everyone else did to, including my boyfriend at the time. it was summer, i would wear jumpers constantly. n one knew about my self harming, no one knew about the drug use. i hid it so well over a period of 9 months. my problems got […]
Remember when you were a kid and you did something you knew was going to earn you a trip to the woodshed? A lot of us kids when I was growing up had a place the old man would drag us to give us the “board” that was far enough out of the way that the whacks and screams wouldn’t make it back to your mother’s ears. That way the old man wouldn’t have to deal with her bitching about being to hard on you or risk getting the “It so upsets me when you do that” speech from her. It’s that feeling of impending […]
“I kissed the scars on her skin.
I still think you’re beautiful, and I don’t ever wanna lose my best friend.
I screamed out,”God, you vulture, bring her back or take me with her!”
~Pierce the Veil
I don’t remember what it’s like, not to have a scar insight.
Tell me where I went wrong in life.
I don’t remember when I didn’t cry myself to sleep at night.
The nightmares seem to follow me.
I can’t remember a time I was actually alright.
What’s wrong with me?
When did my pain become so visually seen?
The scars are showing my history.
When did my brain turned on me?
I can’t look in the mirror anymore, because i’m afraid of what I’ll see.
Tell me when everyone turned their back on me?
They can’t see the darkness inside me.
When did I […]
I can’t stop cutting myself. I honestly am sitting on my bed with a knife in my hand cutting away at myself like it’s nothing, but I’m used to it. And I’m so sorry, but I have to admit, I like the way it feels. I love the way I feel the shearing pain of blade against skin as the voices that overtake me slowly fade into a whispering echo in the back of my mind. I feel the stickiness of the blood. I can’t stop. I don’t know why I try. No one can help me and I know that. Don’t tell me it […]
…People think I’m sad. They always do. And I don’t blame them – I used to be sad a lot. I suffer from bipolar disorder, and I’ve had a few rough times in life, such as sexual abuse as a child, and my sister’s death a few years back. I’m currently 16, and with gcses added to the stress of, well, living…I hate it.
If I’m honest, I’m only still alive because I can’t bear the thought of leaving my girlfriend behind. Of never seeing her again. She’s also the only reason I keep it together – I have to. You know that line from Frozen, […]
I drift on day to day constantly battling with my meth-addicted mother, who hasn’t let me see my little brothers in almost 10 years. I’m stuck in a relationship where I’m not loved back (or at least he really doesn’t act like it), and I have only one friend, who is gone all the time. I am lonely, I’m hurting, and I am mentally messed up with endless anxiety and I also am bipolar and have fibromayalgia. And because I used to be a Jehovah’s Witness and left, I’m pretty sure God is pissed as hell at me so I’m probably doomed to destruction whenever […]
I posted last week about repeatedly falling out of bed a few days earlier and ending up in the E.R. with respiratory failure from some type of Pneumonia. Fucked as my luck runs a few days later I was released to home care and cleared to go back to work. Of course I am far weaker than before the incident and my usual level of physical pain is now at least twice as intense as it was before.
I could barely do my job as it was. It takes me nearly two hours to get out of bed and dress for work – God only knows […]
Recovery is horrible….. I managed to get myself trapped in a downward spiral towards hell. During this spiral, I let myself become a monster, a monster who found relief in a razor and comfort in rushing blood, more than human contact. My cravings are a battle. Everywhere I look I see failure and relapse, sharp edges and broken skin…. I find myself thinking back to the nights I would stain my hands crimson and tear my soul apart, piece by piece. Sometimes I catch myself running my hands over the bands of purple covering my thighs and arms, remembering exactly how it felt to […]
I don’t know if anyone else goes through this, but I don’t experience too much happiness because of the mind I have. My mind is my greatest bully. It tells me things that may or may not be. It over-analyzes things. It makes mountains out of molehills. When I’m happy, it’s ok. But when I am having a bad day, I’m really REALLY having a bad day. What do I do when I have a bad day? I think of suicide of course. My mind sets me up. It seems like it’s not mine sometimes. It’s like a voice that says…”no one cares”….or “no one will miss you”……or “you would […]
I’ve had a few problems in hand lately and I guess I’ve lost my path again… I had troubles in 6 grade with bullying and family and almost decided to take my life when my purpose in life appeared before me. It’s been 2 years since that and I’m proud to say I’ve been helping people with their problems since then but now, I’m the one that needs help, I’ve fallen right back into the darkness that swallowed me whole. I have to say I’ve killed of the bullying, now it’s just family. Let me explain, I was doing just fine at school, grades above […]
The neon stars, and planet.
We are so small, yet, the master work of this epic universe.
When we are content, we are happy to die.
What about those that …
I only know of me of my kind. My cerebro morlock race.
Don’t forsaken nobody, the sound of the ukulele.
Acidic. Acidic. I am the dark Molorck.
In my robe darkness, a bolero dying entity.
The skeleton and the dying tree. My chain.
In the world of cain. Holistic to the death.
What the fuck are you doing. Man.
In this reality, you can’t go back in time.
One more time, to infinity to the end.
The code of blue and the iron code. The word Mankind.
Devoured by the fire and the monster.
The monster, that is you.
An organism dying spawn, I am, of your vein. You have no name.
You are less than a man, equal less than zero.
The world equals oblivion. In my heart of jewel evolution.
Hades, is our God of the World. Grey falling Hades.
Here in the belly, I’ve turned into a beast.
A beast of hell, a monstrous chain. I am here to conquer the world.
To destroy Lucifer behind my acidic breath.
Man. The world. A part of me that’s dying.
It just hit me when I was reading one of the posts. Remembered this speech by Samwais Gamgee to Frodo in
Lotr: The Two Towers. Now that if something probably touches everyone in at least some way. A new day will come.
Frodo: I can’t do this Sam
Sam: I know
It’s All Wrong
By rights we shouldn’t even be here.
But we are.
It’s like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo.
The ones that really mattered.
Full of darkness and danger, they were.
And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end.
Because how could the end be happy?
How could the world go back to the […]
Well, been with this girl for the past 4 years. The most amazing girl, did everything she can to me, gave me all the love that she could. Everything was perfect.. A few months ago though, I got bored, and ended up cheating, and told her. The girl I cheated with had gotten pregnant.. Of course, my gf left me. Told me if she knew it wasn’t mine then maybe we could work through it. Well that was 2 weeks ago, I get a call this morning saying the baby didn’t make it. So I called her and she said “well that was last week, […]