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Supersleeper

by Bipolar American
written by Bipolar American

Had some decent sleep at my girl friend’s spot last night. When we woke up, she went to work, I came home a continued my slumber. I’ve probably racked up around 14 hours of sleep.

I’m waiting to hear back from a job that I really don’t want to start. I also am wrapping up some legal trouble that is coming to a head soon.

On the outside looking in, things are coming together. But that couldn’t be further from the truth. I’m about to engage in an upswing and I’m not wanting to, I’ve had enough of the high/low cycle.

I know my days are […]

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My life. Such as it is.

by MrStR34k
written by MrStR34k

I’m 35, but I’ve been battling with depression and suicidal thoughts since I was a child. I was fat and smart in school. A perfect candidate for ridicule. Which I endured. Home wasn’t much better. My 2 brothers didn’t like me, and my mother is an alcoholic. My father worked all the time and when ever my mom and I would fight, and I tried to talk to my dad about it, I would be told not to since, because I was “trying to pit him against his wife, and she would win every time.” I ran away. When I […]

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Depression Is 25ft.

by CrimsonDream
written by CrimsonDream

Imagine :

your at the beach only you , you walk through the sand and turn to the ocean staring off into the horizon.

you feel this pull towards the ocean so you start walking in;

3ft. Calm cool collected staring at the beautiful sunset

6ft your paddling slowly wading in the water staring at the sunset still.

10ft your getting closer to the sunset seeing its beauty.

14ft you think how your getting back.

17ft you realize you can’t see the shore anymore.

19ft you wanna go back but you can’t you don’t know […]

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Vater

by Ignorance
written by Ignorance

I just hope you still love me

After all of the catastrophe

We were once companions, I believe

I never thought I would cause you to grieve

I miss you, and I love you

I just hope you love me too

I remember the mornings you came […]

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Um.

by CrimsonDream
written by CrimsonDream

I  hate my life.

i hate myself.

i hate the feeling of being alone.

I hate that life is a beautiful lie and that death is a hideous truth.

i hate that I want to die

I hate the world I live in.

i hate that I want to love .

i hate me , myself, and I.

i hate that I love someone who doesn’t love me back.

i hate that I am the way I am.

i hate that I want to be happy.

i hate that I love to […]

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The opposite of love is…

by Stain
written by Stain

A while ago someone posted, I think on this site, “what is the opposite of love?” It was meant to be a trick question because they said the answer is not the obvious “hate” but rather “loneliness” or something like that.

At first I agreed, but the more I think about it I think the opposite of love really is hate.

In physics the opposite of any force is another force that, when applied to the first, causes zero. For example the opposite of a 50 mph north wind would be a 50 mph south wind so anyone standing where they meet would feel nothing.

So back to […]

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gotta rant

by Kallian
written by Kallian

He’s the asshole. I stick around after all he did to me because I care about people, way more than I should. I get a message that he’s afraid he’d hurt himself, and I freak out and unblock all means of communication so he can talk to me because I kept thinking he was DEAD, and then I hear he’s all ok, just fell asleep and didn’t message back because he decided to play his damn computer games. I say one fucking thing wrong, ONE, and he goes batshit crazy, calls me all sorts of names (that I know are already true) and then says […]

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Help?

by JiminyCrispies
written by JiminyCrispies

So, I overdosed last Tuesday night and I was sick for a few days afterwards and I’ve had pains all in my stomach since. No one except a friend at school knows I tried to kill myself, and she didn’t think much of it and made a joke about it. That made me think I was pathetic. That I was stupid and pathetic. And that made me think of doing it again. With even more pills this time.

The shadow people are back again. They try to hurt me again. They hold my head under the bath again. I can feel them on me in bed, […]

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It’s Okay Now, Right?

by renegadeRaenbow
written by renegadeRaenbow

I was hospitalized again this past week. A friend was worried about me ad had the police called on me and now I’m home and back on the medications.
Do I still want to cut?
Of fucking course I do.
I left my boyfriend of four years and so stupidly ran into another without even really thinking. All I knew is that I didn’t want to kill myself just yet and if I have someone here, I might not. But now it’s getting to the point where I don’t even know if I can handle a relationship right now. I am very committed in my […]

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Worst and last day EVER!!!

by will_piece_of_shit1170
written by will_piece_of_shit1170

today is probably the worst day of my life. My girlfriend a few months back charged me with 6 different offenses, and that caused a lot of stress on me and one day I just got to the point I couldn’t take it anymore. I went to hang myself and just before I jumped I called her and she picked up as said she would come see me, and at no point did I think the cops would come because we’ll I trusted her, and she saved my life and after 4 mon this of that it was over but then she wanted to become […]

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Relentless thoughts

by bayareaguy
written by bayareaguy

Suicide….it is ever present in my mind…I’ve almost finished with all of the paperwork (will, power of attorney, advance directive, etc). I’ve prepaid for my cremation. The urge just won’t leave me alone or give me any respite, any rest.  I think of suicide each and every day now.

I am so profoundly and desperately lonely. I have a constant headache. I could buy a gun tomorrow (this is Arizona where people openly carry them into restaurants)…I could answer the call of the Golden Gate Bridge….I just don’t know. I cannot discuss this with anyone I know, it’s already caused some people to avoid me and denigrate […]

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Looking Up

by Greenz
written by Greenz

Today is some sort of miracle for people around here, because it’s almost 70℉ (that’s something like 21 â…‘ ℃) – a radical change from the wintery, disgusting crap we’ve been getting over the past few months. The sun actually exists now, and people are throwing Frisbees around campus (I was dumbfounded, too) just for shits and giggles, I guess. I’ve read journals that say that winter is typically a shit time for depression, because there’s no sun or Vitamin D or much else interesting in that area.

So, here’s to a less depressing spring. And summer, and whatever else there is.

Oh, […]

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Why do i wanna feel like this?

by morrs084
written by morrs084

I’m beginning to feel better, whether it be my drugs finally working the sudden nice weather we’re having.. i am feeling better. I’m not thinking about hurting myself as much.. but i do still have these thoughts.  I’m cutting a lot again and i keep thinking of wanting to take all my pills. I finally got my pills back from my aunt who was keeping them from me. Ughhh

But after everything.. i feel guilty or bad feeling good. Like i’m letting the depression down? If that makes sense!?

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Just Pull The Trigger

by xxtwiggyslastbreathxx
written by xxtwiggyslastbreathxx

When they say silence is golden,
you know it’s true,
when you experience her,
yelling at you.

You want to cry,
you hold back tears,
everything you lost,
is so near.

You look her in the eye,
and take it like a man,
even when you’ve had enough,
when it’s all you can stand.

She doesn’t care,
she keeps yelling.
Maybe becomes physical,
she says don’t go telling.

You keep your mouth shut,
you wipe away your tears,
you put on a fake smile,
for your sanity my dear.

Once your awake,
you fear the day,
you want to go back to sleep,
and make your pain wash away.

When she […]

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Are things looking up? Or will it all crumble again?

by Rodiak
written by Rodiak

So my dad’s found about my self-harm and suicidal stuff
And I have to go a counselor every Tuesday
Does this mean everythings starting to heal? Or will everything I’ve been trying to build (my life) crumble back to dust back when I first got depressed? This is probably my paranoia,  just don’t know what’s gonna happen

I feel like I can get better, but my family is constantly fighting and it gets so bad I have to actually leave for hours at a time so I can just get away, I’m lucky I don’t pass anything I can use for self-harm, I don’t even know […]

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lost in the echo

by Kallian
written by Kallian

You were that foundation
Never gonna be another one, no.
I followed, so taken
So conditioned I could never let go
Then sorrow, then sickness
Then the shock when you flip it on me
So hollow, so vicious
So afraid I couldn’t let myself see
That I could never be held
Back or up no, I’ll hold myself
Check the rep, yep you know mine well
Forget the rest let them know my hell
There and back yet my soul ain’t sell
Kept respect up,the best they fell,
Let the rest be the tale they tell

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Feelings

by smushpot
written by smushpot

After playing video games for a while I decided to take a nap and I had a nightmare about my time in the hospital and I ended up waking everyone up with my screaming (I occasionally talk in my sleep) and my mother keeps bringing it up… I told myself that I would stop cutting but again I failed :p I suck but whatever. Hey at least I admit it! 🙂 Anyway I’ve decided to kill myself but I keep pushing it back. I don’t know when but I don’t want it to be spontaneous because then i’ll make a mistake and have […]

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