So Hey my names Kris or actually that’s my nickname I’m 15 years old and am suicidal a cutter bulimic anorexic mentally unstable girl. Let’s start at the beginning shall we? My shit storm of a life started in 7th grade where I was verbally and physically bullied by a 8th grader by the name of Leo it started out with the name calling teasing of my weight then it escalated to pushing shoving tripping sometimes kicking and punching but I endured it cause no one would believe me or so much as lift a finger to Stop it and then 8th grade came he […]
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believe
I have discovered that I don’t want to die, I want to live but just can’t bear the reality I’m faced with (having no redeeming qualities and having no place in this world). I didn’t understand what it actually meant to die and that scares the living shit out of me. To think how close I came to jumping from a skyscraper and being sucked into a vacuum to never feel or experience anything ever again… it’s hard to believe it’s what I wanted. It was only in coming to close to death that saved my life. But my life is still shattered and I […]
You know its been a long time since I last smiled.I’m not talking about a casual smile…I’m talking about a real smile, a smile that actually means something.sure when I watch comedies I sometimes laugh, and that intern produces a smile.but these days my laughs and smiles feel more forced than anything.it gets tiring having to put on this mask of mine.its hard and it only serves to make me feel much more alone than I already am.im tired.I would love to sleep.I wish I could just go to bed and never wake up.i wish that I could dream a good dream and never wake […]
Dear mother,
I really really don’t like you. But I’m trying hard not to say “I hate you.” But thank you so much for making my life a living hell sometimes. Thank you so much for making me go into actual depression. Thank you so much for controlling my life. Thank you so much for threatening to punish me for the things I don’t do, instead of thanking me for the stuff that I actually do for you. And the list can continue. But instead of continuing, I’m just going to say you’re welcome for leaving you in the dark about all of this because there is no doubt that you are actually happier this way. […]
I hear all these people who talk about God’s plan for people, and how everything that happens is by “His” will. Personally I don’t really believe in that, for a couple reasons.
#1 If everything really is all part of a plan, then there would never be any cause for worry about consequences. This site is full of people who think that suicide is an acceptable way to end your life (I’m included in that category) but most of society especially religious nuts talk about how its such a sin. But if you do end up killing yourself, isn’t that part of the plan too? So […]
A documentary about depression and suicide. It follows a boy from birth to his suicide. It shows how powerful depression is. He started talking about and planing his death by the age of 5 and succeeded at the age of 15. It even showed that it was multi generational in his family. For people that don’t believe, you will see how strong the pain is and the struggle to hang on to prevent pain to loved ones seems unbearable.
Well, he’s gone. I can’t say much about this, just in case someone who knows me stumbles across this website, they would be able to tell that it’s me. So… the struggle it is to talk about my feelings. The love of my life is gone, and isn’t coming back for months. No more constantly texting him, or sneaking out to see him. Only a couple pictures, his stuff that he gave me, and memories. I just can’t believe the moment where he had to leave, came so soon. He made me so happy. I no longer feel the need to move, eat, or take […]
I wonder if I’m doing what’s best for me, or whether this decision will cause me more pain. I sit and think if there will ever be a day when I let go of this fear thats weighing me down. I wish for the day when I can love myself truly and be happy with who I am and where I’m at. For the day that I let myself fall hopelessly in love and get married and have kids, for the day when I’m not too afraid to let myself be happy. I wish and I hope for that day when for once my happiness […]
As a depressed person, I always hear “Stay strong, God will help you.” or “God had better plans for you.” and a whole lot of other shit. Neither me nor my friends believe in God. Why would we? If God is so great, why would he let us suffer like this? Why would he let some people take their own life? Why would he put us through Hell? I’m a much firmer believer of The Devil than I am of God. If God really existed, he wouldn’t make us stop believing in him. Get your shit together! Open your eyes! God. Is. Not. Real!
Since many years,the world had been control by a group of elite families,their objective?complete control of the world,introduce a fascism way more worse than the past one.thousands of cameras in the cities,,new 2014 chips inserted in kids to ensure their security,television and football to take away the atention from the real problems..The most powerfull families cleaning the path for the arrival of the antichrist,he will come in form of hero,intelectual and you know God.The majority of the people would believe in him,if you dont you would be persecuted and isolated ,they will call you insane.When every single one is […]
I am a depressive person, My first suicide attempt was at age six and all I wanted is peace, never have to feel again.
Depression it’s not sadness, but lack of vitality, a suffering so huge over anything so little to anybody else.
I grew up to become a chemical-pharmacist and treat myself and I want to say I been reading you guys and know many of you think you may not actually get to suicide and just come here and read and post because you feel like it; like waiting until you feel so fucked up that fear and doubt are gone. Believe me, […]
Hey y’all. I’ve been a long time lurker and just decided to make an account. Reading some of the things here seems to help me sleep at night and reminds me that there’s always an alternative to life.
My title to this post is tired of life and that statement couldn’t be any truer for me right now. Fourth of July just past and I celebrated it with my blood relatives, relatives and their friends. The party was at my aunts house and she has a pool and yard for fireworks. Many people would be excited to enjoy the beautiful day out in the sunshine, […]
She speaks to me
All the things I want to hear
In an angels voice, too soft to be real
Amazing grace, from times that stand still
In my mind
Can I keep this for all time, she asked, when I said yes
And she claimed..
Then again..then again, there might be something more. And I can’t only stop and stand. I have to leave the life I know.
I cried out for heaven’s hold. Please take me away, oh lord. I’m ready, willing. These days grow old. A breeze pushed me over. I looked up to god in vein..and said..
Then again…then again, it’s […]
I have been reading stories on this site for a long time, but I finally signed up to be able to write something myself tonight. Although I don’t consider myself suicidal, I must admit I have thought about it on more than 1 occasion. I have had a couple times that I really felt like dying, but first of all I would never have the guts. Second,v believe that anything we go through in life can be turned around, but you know what? That’s not why I’m here tonight. I’m here because I figured this is the perfect place to vent and give myself a […]
Getting out of bed is the hardest thing to do. It would be so much easier if I just didn’t wake up. I feel extremely alone and nothing anybody says helps. Sometimes I stop what I’m doing and I just stare at the wall and I feel completely numb. I feel like I’m not really here. When I tell people I suffer from depression, anxiety, and bi-polar disorder they just stare at me. Many tell me to simply “get over it”. I can’t explain how mad that makes me. People nowadays are not informed at all and they think that it’s easy to just “get […]
I don’t understand why people try to sugarcoat self harm & suicide. Just stop. Stop thinking of it as a beautiful tragedy or a ‘tiger who earned their stripes.’ It’s really annoying. OH, and my favorite is when people don’t care about you until something bad happens. Fuck everyone. I hate society, I really do. Back to the sugarcoating part. It’s almost like people like to encourage self harm. You think that people are proud of the things they do? Things like this? Wow. Get your shit together people. I am proud of people who fight against hate though, you walk around with scars showing? […]
A year ago today I tried an Amitriptyline cocktail. I meant business, i had a few days set aside so nobody would miss or bother me, left extra food for my pets, my notes to everyone, and what to do with all my stuff and things I wanted to donate.
I had all the ingredients and quantities needed because my psychiatrist was treating me like a guinea pig and always sent me home with goodie bags of serious meds to try. I have never been sicker than that time period switching between meds so rapidly I couldn’t function and could barely find my way home at […]
I can’t believe myself. 58 days I went without cutting. 58 days of suppressing the tears until i could lock myself in my room and cry myself to sleep. 58 days of resisting the urges with all my will. did I cut when my ex yelled at me and told me he wished I would just fucking die? Did I cut when my uncle killed himself? Did I cut on any of those days when life was just too much for me to get out of bed, but I had to force myself to because if I didn’t who would take care of my brothers? […]
Im new here and i found this site by typing in im so fucked up in the mind. Cause I really am. If you knew me you wouldnt believe it. I run cross country and track really fast. Get told I’m intelligent all the tune. I love computers and gaming. I used to use it as an escape spending hours in my ruin on a game to avoid reality. Then i started smoking in eight grade. I slowly went down hill and od’d on pills. This year was my freshman year i got alcohol poisoning. Here recently i started smoking weed and you know i […]
I have an old friend who deals with suicidal thoughts on occasion. He told me today he was going to kill himself over the weekend but postponed until Wednesday. I know he has tried before so I have every reason to believe him. He said he tells me because I won’t judge and suffer from the same thoughts and failed attempts. Granted I never give anyone a “warning” to put them in a position to act or have to make that decision. I agree it’s a personal decision but when you bring other people into the mix the dynamic changes. So what do I do? […]