Hey y’all. I’ve been a long time lurker and just decided to make an account. Reading some of the things here seems to help me sleep at night and reminds me that there’s always an alternative to life.
My title to this post is tired of life and that statement couldn’t be any truer for me right now. Fourth of July just past and I celebrated it with my blood relatives, relatives and their friends. The party was at my aunts house and she has a pool and yard for fireworks. Many people would be excited to enjoy the beautiful day out in the sunshine, surrounded by friends and family, and once night hits end it with some fireworks but it’s different for me.
I didn’t want to go in the first place. I dread these family events because I see no point in them. I don’t enjoy seeing or spending time with my family. I don’t enjoy swimming in the daylight. I don’t enjoy faking smiles like everything is ok. Because it’s not ok. I’m depressed.
Don’t believe me? That night everybody brought all of their fireworks out into the front yard and lit them all off. Sparklers, Roman Candles, Rockets, Shells, you name it and they were lighting it. When I was younger fireworks
were the shit, (I’m still young) now they are just something to look at. Literally on that day while I could’ve been lighting them like everybody else I chose to sit in the S.U.V. with the door slightly open and watch alone.
I felt nothing. No joy, no excitement, no thrill. I could fake the emotions but they were not really there.
Okay, writing and editing on this touchpad is really pissing me off so I’ll just post this. Thanks for reading.