Here I find myself again, with tears streaming and a heart that aches. I have no idea what to do. I feel lost in a world that is passing me by, crippled by the fears of the unknown that consume me. So many paths lay before me and I can’t even take the first step, the pain inside crippling. Betrayal, anger, hurt, hate, love, loss; all consuming thoughts.   I don’t want to be here.  I feel tired and broken and the task of putting the pieces back together is impossible; even if I could, I would never be the same. My life can be seen […]
Tag:
Betrayal
This might be funny, I don’t know. I’ve been suicidal for weeks (months on and off) and been thinking about it this past days. A lot of reasons why; university, family problems, legal issues, self-hatred blah blah blah. Anyway, I decide to watch a couple of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle episodes out of boredom with my little brother and end up watching an episode called ‘Same As It Never Was’.
Now, I’ve got three brothers and I’d be lying if I said the turtle superhereos don’t remind me of us. So this episode has one of the turtle brothers transported to a nightmare future where their […]
I hate life so fucking much. I hate everything. I want to die so much, I want to hurt, I want the shit beaten out of me, I want to have reasons for wanting to kill myself but I have none, and I have like, two friends left after The Betrayal.
But i cant do it.
I cant kill myself, Im afraid, not of death itself, but leaving oppurtunities.
I want first love, first kiss, first time, I want to see my little cousins grow up with me there.
But I hate life.
I have a house, food, clothes, family, all that you basically need.
Ive been depressed for a while, Im 14 years old and done with all the ‘all teenagers go through this phase’ bullshit. Ive gone psychologist to psychologist, from hospital to hospital, and happy pills. Im not depressed for any good reasons. I have a house. I have food. I have clothes. Im for the most part healthy. But i cry over the stupidest things, like how i look.
I was thinking about the fight with my ex-friends that caused me to drop out of school (im considering homeschool or just running away, even ‘therapeutic boarding school’ if we can afford it). I start crying everytime i […]
I feel ridiculous, having searched for a place to share my innermost feelings and thoughts of suicide…
I’m 14 years old, and have horrid self-esteem/confidence issues. I find myself repulsive, but yearn for love. I get no support from my family, not even my twin sister who hates me for getting attention i dont want. I go to a psychologist who tells me to go to school.
Did i mention i sort of dropped out, except i go every once in a while after my parents beat me.
I hurt so badly, over nothing. I have a house, food in my cupboards, clothes, im not […]
I’m sure many posts have started the same way mine will; I’ve never written a post before in my life. But things have escalated to the point where I have to say this somewhere…..anywhere. And this seems as good a place as any.
I was married at 18, got pregnant on my honeymoon, so had my first child by the time I was 19. My husband and I had known eachother since I was 13 and he was 15. We were the best of friends until things started changing when I was 16, and we fell in love.
I honestly believed my life was set. We had […]
Older Posts