Not entirely sure how or what to write on here. This is a huge gamble for me as I’ve never talked to anyone about how I truly feel everyday. I guess it’s my fear of constantly being judged and viewed as “weak”. I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety from a young age; about 12 or so. Unfortunately society was a lot less educated on the subject and it was just chalked up to “hormones” and “puberty”. I’ve always been incredibly shy and quiet and I was consistently bullied throughout all my childhood. I’m of mixed race and grew up in a small predominately “white” town so I […]
i kept myself extremely busy and productive today to take my mind off of everything. it worked pretty well too. i went to my college and attended my two classes for today. i got a lot of homework done for my courses, took care of the remaining things for financial aid, etc. i felt like i accomplished a lot today, i was even a little proud of myself, until night time arrived….
whats the point of any of it? why am i still trying? im absolutely miserable with myself. the only person who could make this better is the person who shattered my fucking heart. i […]
Ugh. What’s brought me here tonight. My blood is so heavy. I’m exhausted. Really been feeling the physical symptoms of depression for the last 2 weeks. I’ve had two attempts about 4 years ago. I will admit they were probably more a cry for help than anything else. I wanted…needed my pain to be seen and I chose a stupid way to do that. Both times were embarrassing. Hospital time and then 72 miserable hour holds. I swore to myself I’d never do it again unless I knew I could succeed, which leaves me in this really shitty position I’ve been in for awhile now. […]
…after a week of not seeing her turns into both of us crying in a bar while she tells me that she can’t promise me to be that person who builds a life with me, and that i deserve to be in a relationship where i’m a priority but that she loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. I come home and get on some dating pas to cruise since we’re poly anyway and there’s nothing better than drowning your sorrow in another person and this boy tells me “i can’t date someone who is basically taken.” Now i know I wouldn’t want to […]
I’ve been doing much better since I posted on here last. It really helped talking to people that actually understood how and why I felt the way I did. It also made me realise that even people that don’t know me, care. They will take the time to discuss all the bad shit as to where your friends no longer have time for it and you just need to snap out of it . Anyways I just wanted to say thank you.
I can relate with so many of you. I grew up in a family where my father was an alcoholic and incredibly abusive. My ever step or sniffle was a possible cause for a beating if he had too much to drink. As I got older I internalized all the abuse. I attempted suicide will pills but it never worked. I used to pray every night that God would take me away. God obviously had other plans. I had a horrific case of anorexia as I tried to control my life. Not eating didn’t help…I was tiny and people treat tiny people like china, but […]
On PlayStation Network I made an account called TransGirly. I intended it as sort of a beacon – other people who were either Transgender or questioning such could message me if they ever saw me on PlayStation Home and add me as a friend. There’s always strength in numbers, and that’s what I was going for. To have a circle of friends who could depend on one another if they needed it.
Today while I was on Home, two people approached me. They had club tags that read [<3 Jesus]. One of them began preaching to me about the rapture, how it was upon us, and […]
ANIMALS ARE PUT DOWN AND GIVEN PEACEFUL DEATHS WHEN THEY ARE IN PAIN AND HUMANS ARE FORCED TO SUFFER AND ARENT EVEN ALLOWED TO WILLINGLY AND PEACEFULLY END THEIR OWN LIFE IT MAKES ME FURIOUS JUST ANOTHER REASON I HATE THIS FUCKING WORLD AND HUMANITY. ….ANYWAYS I found online a pill called the peaceful pill and it is supposed to be the best way to go and i am so happy i found it it would give me great peace of mind knowing i could be able to use this method….does anybody know about this pill ,how i can get it (from what i have […]
I used to be so much. I used to be a firefighter and when i would show up on the scene of a suicide I would always wonder how low does someone have to be to do that. I understand now. I have so much hate built up inside. The things that I once loved have turned away from me. The woman i love would rather be beat by a drug addict than be with me. I stay around for my mom, but it’s getting so bad I’m sure she would be better off without me too. I want to see my sister she’s been […]
Well I’m still around. Just want to post to encourage myself and maybe others to keep trying. Im not sure If Ive gotten any better over the last 8 months. A lot of meds, counselling and quitting addictions and I’m still suicidal.
I’m broken, I have been for so long… but I really feel it more than ever. Which is strange because I should feel happy, our family dog was missing for weeks and was found safe and returned last week, I finally got a job after so long of searching that i started today, my college graduation is this week, and yet… it all feels pointless.
I feel worse than ever and I’ve felt so bad before, I’ve come so close to just trying (and succeeding) in ending […]
I’ve never been the kind of girl that you would look at and know deep down she wants to kill herself. I got straight A’s, was social and love to perform in front of people. I guess I always have struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts though. To me it has always been a matter of when I would do it. I guess in the back of my mind I have always known that something was wrong with me when I would have to fake laugh with my friends but at any given moment I could have just stopped and been emotionless or when I […]
I grew up raising myself from age 8 onwards. Prior to that I witnessed my elders shooting up cocaine, having sexual relations and committing violent acts.
My mother was 16 when i was cut out of that wretched *****. I hate(d) her with everything in me. Maybe hate was the wrong word but DESPISE definitely isn’t. When I was four years old I tried to kill her. I remember it vividly. When it came to crunch time I regretfully saved her life. (((To protect my anonymity im not going to reveal the method)))
Four years later I was cooking my […]
I look through the posts here on sp and i dont see any familiar names: idk whether thats a good thing or bad… I hope everyone that I have talked to that I’ve shared stories with and bad times are doing ok. I’d like to htink they dont come here anymore because their lives got better, they moved on and now are at peace with themselves. I hope thats the case <3. Maybe one day i will reach the point where this sight is a very very distant memory.
I just want a easy and painless way out.
My first and only attempt I took 100, 500mg sleeping tablets and 27, 200mg painkiller tablets to slowly drift away and all that happened was I passed out in my bed then spewed all over myself while I was still passed out then when I regained consciousness my mum had found me and took me to my nearby hospital then I went out to it again and they sent me to another bigger hospital witch they put stuff down into my guts to make me spew the remainder of tablets out.
Note, I attempted on the night before […]
Last week I slit my wrists, all the way up my arms, multiple times. Anywhere I saw a vein, I sliced hard and fast. Amazingly it didn’t hurt. Earlier that day I went to the store and bought a brand new kitchen knife, for exactly this purpose.
I’m still alive. I cut myself so badly that I turned my bathtub full of water dark red. I saw the blood spurting out of my veins. I wished for death. Irritatingly, my veins stopped bleeding after only a short time. So I found veins on my legs and ankles to slice up. I’m fair skinned, so finding them […]
I talked to someone today and he helped me a lot. He gave me a ray of hope and a thought about something that I need to try to do, and I felt better than I had in quite a while, but… I still can’t stop crying and wanting to just end it all. I’m trying out something where I wait out the week and see if I can retrieve some money or items from the person who has been scamming me, but I don’t know if I’ll get anything back. If I do make the decision to end it, there are things that I […]
Most of you don’t know me, because I’ve usually been pretty quiet here. I’ve read a lot of posts over the years here, however. A precious few of them have even made me feel better, for a time. Thanks to this site and those people who have posted here for making me feel better, if only for a little while.
I’m thinking about bringing things to a close this weekend. I don’t want to back myself into a corner by making it a firm decision, but I think it might be time.
I let it slip at work today that I might not be coming into work […]
I’m probably going to kill myself tonight. I know I’ll be doing everyone I know a favor. Accutely I’m sure people will be sad and hurt but I’m certain over the long haul the world and everyone I’ve ever met will be better off without me.
I’ve stayed away from this website for some months now I was trying to make things in my life better but I was kidding myself I’m no much better then I was 2/3 months ago. my self-worth my soul are damaged and they are unrepairable I’m lost and homesick for a place that dose not exist I’ve tried to get on with life for my loved ones I’ve pretended to be well I cart stand to break my mothers heart anymore I don’t wont to hurt her and i know suicide is a permanent solution and they do say its for a temporary problem but […]