I was searching on the internet, and I came across a picture. It was a page from a book and on the page had a few words scattered here and there and the rest of the words are blacked out. In my opinion, I think this might help some of you. It is time consuming, it takes a while but you end up making a poem out of the words that you don’t cross out or blackout. you cross out the words that are not needed and then you make the poems out of the words you don’t blackout. For me this is helping my […]
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blackout
I bathed in melancholy as I listened to this piece. It made me want to kill myself, immediately. It brought up so many hurt and despair in me I couldn’t bare. I left home. Well, not before I synced it into my music player. I went to my secret place, a small piece of nature surrounded by the big houses of my neighborhood. It was afternoon and the sun was nice on me. Everything was nice, because when you have cancer even the dickheads from the office can manage to swallow their jokes. I called my psychologist. She didn’t answer. I sat down by a […]
I’m out on the beach, and it’s really crowded. There’s at least 3 feet of space between myself and other beach bums. It’s really hot and sticky out there. There’s not a single cloud in the sky, besides a few swipes and swirls of cloud matter here and there. My hair is a knotty and matted mess from the sea water and all of the wind, and I’m trying my best to relax and let go of all the tension in my head. It’s hard to though, because not only am I uncomfortable in my black bathing suit, but I have a sort of paranoia […]
Has anyone else ever taken an Ambien? One pill knocks me out within 15 minutes. That’s not the interesting part. The interesting part is that it wipes out all memory for those few minutes leading up to unconsciousness.
I know it would take at least 1000 pills to kill me, so that’s not what I’m posting about. But something about those few minutes of blackout is interesting. People who have seen me on ambien say i just lie down and I’m out cold, no amout of noise or shaking can get through.
What if, for example, I were to take a dozen pills and then go swimming […]
Hello sp,
Two days ago I did something horrible, something awful, terrible if you will. I got drunk. Now, that might not seem that bad in and off itself, so let me elaborate: it wasn’t at a bar. It wasn’t with friends. It wasn’t even on my own like I often do. No, it was in a restaurant. With my family. The drunkest I have ever been. Blackout drunk. Throwing up drunk. Unable to walk drunk. All off the wine they bought for themselves. My mum had to help me walk home, that much I remember. I don’t remember what happened after we got home, […]
its a horrid night so i think i may post several things tonight and be one of those ppl that fill up the forum, so i apologize in advance. but sometimes im so very trapped in my mind i dont realize what is going on around me, or the things i do or say (yes this is an add on to the one i just posted)
its irratating sometimes because i have lapses in time, that arent lapses. i know what has gone on around me, but im not aware. if that makes sense, its like nothing really matters when im in one of these episodes. […]
I wrote on here the other day about my life has fallen apart completely. I feel completely hopeless and trapped inside my own head, and in the days since that post, I’ve gotten blackout drunk, stopped taking my bipolar meds and had random anonymous sex 2 nights in a row because I have no other way to escape the way I feel. I hate being sober because all I can do is obsess about how my meds aren’t working, about how I can’t seem to pull it together and find hope in anything, and about how the one person I’ve ever truly loved in life […]
So ive decided to try again, i came close to blacking out last time, hopefully i will blackout fully so i wont stop my departure.
So I finally in past months accepted the fact I’m bad person/human being. Why am I, well many things. I have either been told these things by random people or overheard them saying it and noticed most of it myself. I am in general unlikable, most people are very insincere to me. Most people ignore me or distance themselves. Even in best times when I was trying to be upbeat and involved in making things in my life better people still seemed to since something. I was overweight till 21(260 plus pounds), lost weight(135 pounds). Didn’t change much, I just developed a eating disorder that […]
So, I get annoyed when people complain about how much their life sucks, but hey this what this website is for right?
Okay so i’ve been struggling with depression for a long time , around 5 years or so. I’m 19 now but even when I was 13 and 15 i would get in these slumps, especially when I was 15 since my entire school hated me and I just kept fucking up with my family and things.
I always felt like i was missing something.. Me and my family didn’t always get along but we do now. No one I know has ever known […]
Well I got expelled this school year. I been getting and trouble this school year ! I only got suspended 6 times this school year. I Got put out after the six time because I was about to fight this boy. He push my cousin and he was talking bad to me so I snaped and went off. Well the principle decide to expelled me. So when he expelled me I went crazy by punching the wall , crying , screaming , I the hit principle , threw my school I.D at my the principle too , Broke the shelf , threw a pencil at […]
Tonight during dinner with my friends I left the table and walked away. Â I left my wallet, keys, and mobile phone behind. Â None of us realised that I wasn’t coming back. Â I don’t know where I went, exactly, but somehow I ended up at home. Â I must have broken in.
Why did I leave? Where did I go? Â When I woke up, my hands were dirty, and there were scratches on my arm. Â There was a knife stuck in the mattress next to me, but no blood.
My brain wants me dead, and I am scared.