There is only emptiness today. I am not angry or sad, happy or even bored. At 2:17p.m. I realized I had been staring out the window for almost 4 hours. Where had the time gone? I couldn’t even tell you what I had been watching for so long. Were there people walking by? Was it raining out? My mind felt like it had been excavated. Everything of value, even the darkness I clung to – gone, all gone. Was this what death was? Only relics remain, echoes of a person that is trapped deep within me. There are hints all around me. My hands, they are stained with blue […]
cause of death: natural cause-depression.
save us all the fucking drama.
Her long body made an indent upon the small bits of clover and grasses as she propped herself up on her elbows. What in the actual fuck is she going to write about today? All her brain is shooting are blanks, and her fingers feel awkward as they hit each computer key. It’s like trying to thread a tree trunk through the eye of a needle. “O” by Coldplay blares into her ears as her brain desperately tries to make something beautiful, something stunning, just something… But that’s the thing about making something beautiful. You cannot force it. Beauty comes from patience and time and […]
That’s nothing new… hundreds of YouTube trolls told me that long ago. Anyway, I begged and kept on about trying to hang with the guy I like and I’m at the place he’s living now and about 8 people live here. Naturally there’s not much interaction and I’ve talked more to the other friend who does graphics design for a living and we compared work and gave tips to each other. And I’m staring at him like the piece of meat he is. Like a fat kid looking into a bakery when it’s closed for the night… looking at him and being unable to deny […]
A happy ending is not in the cards for me…
I will never be the pretty one
I will never have the great body
I will never make enough money
I will never be loved
I will never be good enough
I see everyone around happy. I have given up all hope that a happy ending is ever in the cards for me. So I am just going to go through the daily motions and not worry about it. I’m just not good enough.
a person. i used to be someone i liked and admired.not anymore. i m empty, i m a shell, i m a body on autopilot, i m a shadow of an old me. that kills me…i cannot go on without myself.there s no point to the misery, the agony,the pain, the craving for myself.i ve lost all that mattered.my dream consumed me and sometimes there s no other poison like a dream,and that poison killed me. also..there s no other drug to a person than another person…fact!
don t cry because i m gone, smile because i was here.
I was temporarily away. Everything came to be too much, leaving me bedridden for a few days. I slept so much that my bed began to stink and my body began to rot, in a sense.
I really didn’t want to return. I had left behind a huge mess, thinking that I was finally going to exit for good and consequently avoid it.
But, unfortunately, I’m still here. My method was poorly carried out that Wednesday morning.
So, fine. Physically, I’m here. I’m present. On this planet, I have mass.
Spiritually, though, I’m gone. I’m away. I’m not “beyond”, but I am absent.
When I came back the next week, […]
I feel so alone and empty, dead inside, but sad and deeply hurting. I wish the guy I have lover and given everything to would value my existence even 1/10th of what little I feel I may be valued at my 2nd job. I mean, my 2nd job has just become the first place where I receive a little bit of praise and my ideas are accepted and not argued. But I wish I were worth something to him. I feel like in his ideal world, I’d be out of his life entirely and he would forget he ever met me.
Of course, he didn’t come […]
Because they don’t make memes that say “I’m single because I’m holding out for a perfect 10 under 100 lbs with 0% body fat that’s super gorgeous that every man would die for and I want her to agree with me on everything and be open to swinging but otherwise never cheat on me.”
Yes he posted that meme and he posts tons of others like it.
that someone would talk to me who isn’t paid to care.
I don’t want meds. They don’t do shit but dim the feelings. Everything still lurks underneath. Everyone still avoids me. I am still a cancerous disease, unfit for this world. Too awkward, too sensitive, too dark, too talkative, too reactive. Meds don’t change shut and they always eventually stop working. It’s such a stupid fucking dance.
I want a real friend who isn’t afraid of me.
I have none.
Every cell in my body is wired to malfunction.
Vodka and sleeping pills when I get paid this Friday. Till then I’m just entertaining the motions.
Depression
A lifelong companion, you’ve always been there
You have no compassion, you don’t really care
I take a sharp blade, try letting you out
The harder I try, the more tentacles you sprout
If I scream out in anger, will you leave me in peace?
Are you done with me now, please when will it cease?
Too many long years, just existing alone
I didn’t choose this body, but it’s mine to atone
If I call out softly, will you come rest in my soul?
I think I’m now done, with digging my hole
Mike Rowedick
Fuck my life….
I know it sounds very cliche. I know everyone says it all the time.
I super hate myself right now.
I can’t believe that depression is ruling over me.
I feel like my conscience is trapped somewhere in my mind.
Illogical feeling rules my body.
I used to think that I can overcome any obstacles. Little did I know, I was super naive. When my freedom has been taken away from me, I broke….
like a fragile glass being smashed to pieces.
My dad passed away in March. He left so many unfinished business and also a huge sum of debts. I was […]
The time I started writing this. You’re supposed to make a wish at 11:11. In some ways, I’m selfish. I wish for a lot of things when this time comes round. And so far, I don’t think any of them have come true.
I still don’t feel comfortable in this fucking body. My gender makes no fucking sense. Dysphoria is a *****, and with fluid gender it fucking suck, because my body and gender never quite match.
It’s stuck in my head that everyone hates me. No-one bothers with me anymore, I’m just that fucked up kid that people put up with because I’m friends […]
For those that discover the body of someone attempting a firearm suicide, the vision may well be traumatic. A shot to the head that has an exit hole is likely to spread blood and brain/bone fragments over a wide space. Depending on where the gun is aimed, it is also possible that bloody facial disfigurement occurs. Even a bullet not existing the head will result in blood coming out of the entry hole.
Shots to the chest or abdomen are even more likely to cause significant bleeding, with the likelihood of finding the body, possibly still alive, in a very bloody state.
For those concerned that those […]
I don’t want to die necessarily… No, I can firmly say that in this very moment in time and space, I do not want to die.
However, I cannot firmly say what I want. I walk outside in the morning; I feel the dew settling on my face and the cool breeze that kisses my cheeks… I see the sun shooting tendrils of light through the light cloud cover, and I see the grass swaying with every breath of the wind. However, sometimes these things evoke nothing in this heart of mine. Nothing.
Now, you would think that feeling nothing would be a beautiful reprieve of the […]
so my boyfriend is on a family camping trip and thus has no signal all week, my other friend is in Iceland seeing the northern lights, everyone else thinks I’m better. I have no one to talk to when I hit that dark darkness for all of half term, stuck in my bedroom all day and night studying and trying to stay sane. so I’m just going to type here like I have verbal diarrhoea. last night I had a panic attack and was paralyzed just lying on my floor, I couldn’t even drag myself into bed. the night before that I made myself a […]
To start, I’d like to state I do not believe in the existence of Heaven & Hell. I feel it is too simple, -even too human or physical (if that makes sense). When it comes to theories, I tend to pay attention to those who experience or have experienced Near-Death Experiences (or NDEs). Experiencing the sensation of leaving one’s body, experiencing a feeling of being loved or cared for/not alone. But most of all, that everyone’s experience is different & unique to the individual soul.
With that said, I have been thinking about suicide (on and off) for a couple of months due to prolonged severe […]
Hello. How are you?
I have a bit of another social problem. See, I have self-harmed for a long time, and I know how to deal with in. i.e. hiding the scars, dealing with the problems on your own, making sure no body finds out. That kind of deal. I’ve sat on that side of the fence for a long, long time – then I just left the park entirely.
It seems I have entered into someone else’s park, but I’m sitting on the other side of the fence. Today I discovered the cuts on a friend’s wrists. I say friend, its a very loose term […]
i am gone, i am condemned
i am small, effortlessly
(i am dying — effortlessly)
there is very little left my bones
are here and go unnoticed — why
is the beauty passed over
if human eyes
are drawn to beauty why
are my hip and collar bones ignored
by you in bed and out
you do not look, you do not see —
you do not care
but you should.
if you care that i breathe you should care about my bones
they are my handle on the world — i hold
my hips to stay grounded
i am trying not to fall
and […]
Warning Explic… Wait, why the fuck am I warning you people about graphic material? You’re big boys and girls. And if you aren’t I am honestly very sorry you are on this site.
She is beautiful. Oh she is not at her best at this moment, no. She wears no makeup on her face, her hair is simply pulled back in a sloppy ponytail, her nails with polish peeling off, and her outfit a menagerie of the most comfortable items in her wardrobe. Yet this woman is stunning. Her kind smile flashes quickly and easily, her hair still soft and flowing in the wind, her hands […]