The world seems to evolve around money. I hate it so much but i cant stop feeling that i dont have it and that i need it or i dont have a reason to live. Yeah, maybe there might be more to the world than money, but that just isnt the case for many people, like me. Honestly, i like money. Who dosent though? I hate seeing my parents struggle for money. I hate that they have to work so hard and i have to suffer from the lack of money. I dont have anything left for me exept school and my brain. I want […]
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Brain
To start off, i’ve had a history of mental disorders and depression issues for countless years of my life, but never thought of committing suicide. My grandmother committed suicide before i was born, and i saw how it effected my mother, and my grandfather, and never ever wanted to do that to someone else. No matter how bad it got, i stuck in there.
On December 7, 2007, My best friend committed suicide. I wasn’t aware of any deep trauma or depression in her, so of course, it came as a total shock. I can still remember where i was, what i was doing, and […]
Ok I read here a lot and have posted here when I have been feeling way off he planet, which is increasing often now. I feel “ok” right now. But there are some things I want to know.
1st this is how it is:
Not always but in the mornings when I wake up can feel like a light switch in my brain has been switched off.    Feels/sounds like dousing a match in water like. Like waking up and then just deflating (Always Followed by nonfunctional bad days)
Generally allways being “aware” that im sad / horrible / hurting all the time. Not fitting in.( I would […]
I’ve thought about committing suicide for the past year of my life. I’ve thought about cutting my wrists but have decided that would be too bloody and painful. I’ve thought about jumping in front of a Semi, but then I couldn’t do it because of the compassion I felt for the poor sorry bastard driving the truck. I’ve thought about shooting myself, but the only guns in the house belong to my dad, and I sure as hell am not dying by embedding one of his bullets in my brain; he got me here in the first place, and I won’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he has succeeded in killing me […]
I don’t even know where to start explaining this…for that matter I’m not even sure that I’m trying to explain something to begin with. Maybe I’m just trying to understand it. Maybe some part of my brain is hoping that if I string enough words together someone, somewhere, will be able to explain it all to me.
I don’t even know if I’m suicidal. I used to think that “suicidal” was something definitive. Something that you’d know if you were or you weren’t. It didn’t seem like the sort of thing you’d miss, you know? I suppose if someone asked me outright I’d say no, I’m […]
i sit at school in the computer lab and all i can think to do i look up things on suicide. I always find pictures and stories and more and more ideas just go through my brain. Im so sick of my life and i want to be dead. I cant do anything right, i have no friends, my parents hate me , and i have no future. I think tonights the night. i just want to get it over with. i can’t wait to get home and finish it once and for all!
Well, I feel no reason to live. I have my dreams. They’re unattainable. Everything else is suffering. I’m thrilled by the idea that I can simply stop it all by putting a gun against my head and ending it all instantly. No more pain no more suffering. Why do we exist? It wouldn’t matter if we didn’t exist because we weren’t able to think before we were alive. If were dead, it’ll be the same. So, logically if i don’t believe in God the literally logical thing to do is put a bullet in my brain. All suffering eliminated and I can’t think anymore to […]
Tomorrow I will watch daytime television– women-hosted talk shows, court TV, soap operas, etc– until my brain either rots or explodes. Or I will start to think like a woman, which is a fate worse than death. Goodbye
So, the synergistic forces are closing in on me. I am not in a panic to end my life; in fact, I am worried that I will be somewhat excited when I do.
I have body dysmorphic disorder; people say my body is fine but I do not believe them. And then there is my career, which did not pan-out as I would have wanted. And then there are the bills I cannot pay.
So, yes, I am clinically depressed. I have a few methods I will try when I finally do try.
I just worry. That whole “accept Jesus” thing. It is upsetting to me, ultimatums, you […]
I’ve been this way for years now. Antisocial. Never the popular guy. Kind of a hermit, I keep to myself. I’ve dealt with depression and feelings of suicide before, but they eventually went away. In the last year though, I’ve really gone back downhill. I’m living alone and I lost by job back in December. That kind of deflated me. For the last year, I’ve been employed for maybe five or six months and for the rest of the time I’ve been jobless. Nothing inspires me. Any job I ever work is thankless and uninspiring and I find myself depressed even when I DO have […]
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