Hi, some of you may remember me, some may not, I am Rogue, the one who wanted so badly to join the army. well I had gone through the Military Entrance Processing Station. I did my oath and signed a bunch of papers pledging my loyalty. Little did I know that, until this night at around 9 pm, my mom informed me that there is little to no chance of quitting the army. After a quick 10 seconds of tears as I am having trouble letting them flow, and a few breaths of hyper-ventillation, I realize how fucked I really am. Now there are quite […]
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Breaths
I’ve been walking alone. I turned back around and everyone was far away, so I continued walking. “I wasn’t afraid of being alone anymore.“ I’d whisper that to myself. But inside me was emptiness. I forgot how it was like to feel alive. Now I just live in the memories as I walk these paths. But suddenly I was lost. I didn’t know what direction to take. I was scared. Everywhere I turned there was darkness, no light shined. So I sat there in dark hours in the middle of nowhere figuring out what I’m going to do. I was blinded by the tears I […]
Hi all, i tried the helium exit bag method last night after finally two weeks of being terrified of doing it and not being able to, anyway it didnt work obviously (either that or im now in some kind of terrible coma)
i brought two party balloon sets from Amazon both with enough to fill 50 balloons i also made a exit bag from following some youtube videos so thought it was going to work,
I put on two music albums an hour long each, so that i would have something playing in the background so that i didnt panic too much when i was going to start,
I empted the bag of air turned […]
I’m not someone who anybody would suspect to be suicidal. I’m 17. I have the top grades in my class. I’m pretty (or so people tell me). I have a great group of friends. I’m popular. I’m funny. I’m well dressed. But at the end of the day, I hate myself. I hate myself more than anyone else could possibly hate me. But I’m still here. Read this and I’ll tell you why.
As I’m typing this tears are streaming down my face. My mom just finished another round of yelling at me to kill myself and how I’m a failure who will never amount to […]
life has always been cruel, takes everything that makes any good away from me. never had nothing, until i meet her. then just as fast as closing my eyes things had sense. but the way the world is, tries as much as he can to get me away from happiness. did everything it could, our love has always been so strong, but i still afraid of losing  her. lose the only thing that putted me back dreaming again. my luck has never been good, every possible misunderstood that happens can be solved, but not all them.if luck is not with you, one message on the […]
Well this is just going to be my experience that I had a few months ago.
One day, after having the pills set aside for such an occasion for many a months, I came home in a really crappy mood. Being the thinker I am, I went over in my head all the pros and cons for why I should kill myself. Long story short, the pros won over, and I decided I wanted to do it.
I shoved all 22 of the sleeping pills into my mouth and swallowed them as fast as I could so future me wouldn’t have time to change their mind. After […]
I was just about to do it! Grab the rope from downstairs and hang it over that beam in my garage that hangs oh so high. I’m screaming “I dont want to do it, I dont want to do ! ” Â I never want to kill myself but I could never bear the fact that the world is crashing down right on top of me and I began to snap. I didnt know anybody was home but then I hear my father downstairs looking for his motorcycle keys. All I had to do was just wait till he got on that motorcycle and I would […]
So I have put a lot of thought into this and decided that I truly want to end my life. I have been battling with this for years and tried several different ways of working this out. I have lost my job (which was everything to me) due to my “personality” which was the wake up call. I no longer belong to this world and am ready to leave. The method I have chosen is asphyxiation. I am still working a few things out I will do a trial run and write my letter and hopefully be gone for this world.
I don’t know about any of this any more. I try not to get into this feelings, into this temptation to end everything but lately it has just become to much. Never have I experienced it this bad, to the point where I actually wake up in the morning extremely disappointed and wishing that God would have finally answered my prayers and just taken me.
I try hard for others going through this and I tell them to keep strong, just to hold on but look at me! I can’t even listen to myself! I can’t even hold on, It’s like everything I once had just […]
The Minute I wake up I cry because I am so sick and tired of my life and how it has been lived. I wonder what I have done wrong in my life. You know I know that i am not perfect I never have claimed to me and I know for sure I will never claim the perfection of someone…. I am not flawless like others. When i look in the mirror I stare and cry some more because I am not that pretty skinny girl every one would love to be with..
I am not perfection because I have been through so much bullshit […]
She wakes up everyday and look at the clock as it was a curse, one more day to fake a smile and walk trough life emotionless.
She remembers the voices on her ears when she was little, she feels someone is there to hug her but that someone is unknown and that scares her so hard she wants to cry… but she can’t, her feelings are hide on the deepest of herself so she can’t show what is feeling.
She goes to sleep with the hope of no waking anymore, but when she opens her eyes in the morning and realize that she stills […]